Denial of truth and reality
This may come as a surprise to you, though you aren’t a machine which is incapable of making mistakes. From the day you were born, until the time at which you will expire, you will remain a fallible human being.
Are you actually shocked by this revelation? If so, how has denial of truth and reality served your interests and goals thus far? On second thought, asking one who refuses to accept facts about one’s own existence is a fool’s errand.
All the same, this is precisely the sort of disputation I use when challenging irrational beliefs through practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Are you familiar with this psychotherapeutic modality? If not, allow me to briefly explain.
REBT
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
To illustrate each of these unhelpful assumptions, consider the following:
Demandingness – “I must do well!”
Awfulizing – “It would be awful for others to think I’m not performing well!”
Frustration tolerance – “I can’t stand not doing well!”
Global evaluations – “I’m a piece of shit [P.O.S.] if I can’t perform well!”
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
To clearly demonstrate the distinction between A-C and B-C connections, consider the following:
A-C connection – You underperform on an exam (Action) and as a result you receive a low grade (Consequence).
B-C connection – Having received a low grade (Action), you unproductively Believe, “I’m a piece of shit and I can’t stand the thought of not doing well! It’s fucking awful that I’m not as smart as other people! In fact, I should just drop this course.” With these irrational assumptions, you disturb yourself into a miserable condition by experiencing fear in regards to your future (Consequence).
Noteworthy, I assist clients with disputation of unfavorable Beliefs, though we don’t challenge Activating events or the Consequences produced by unproductive assumptions. This is because disputing truth and reality is akin to the practice of denial, and the ‘D’ in the ABC model doesn’t represent Denial.
As the B-C connection creates unpleasant outcomes, we Dispute irrational assumptions in order to establish more Effective new beliefs. Aside from the ABC model, REBT uses unconditional acceptance to reduce the effects of self-disturbance.
Recognizing that I’m not a machine that is incapable of making mistakes, I use unconditional self-acceptance (USA) to admit my own fallibility. Understanding that I’m prone to err, I can then conclude that others are also faulty.
Therefore, I use unconditional other-acceptance (UOA) to keep from disturbing myself about this undeniable fact. Likewise, I practice unconditional life-acceptance (ULA) to remind myself that even life itself is imperfect.
Personal anecdote
I recently spoke with someone about a P.O.S. narrative regarding performance in graduate school. Of the conversation, I was reminded of how in elementary school I was usually one of the first children to be disqualified when conducting math drills in the classroom.
A teacher would stand in front of two columns of students while rapidly displaying a flashcard. The first child to provide a correct answer was allowed to go to the back of the line for a chance to continue competing. However, the child who didn’t answer quickly enough, or who provided an incorrect answer, was disqualified and required to sit down.
I didn’t fare better in high school, because I was sent to an intermediate math class that was housed in a mobile trailer behind the school. There, students who were rejected from algebra class were required to undergo instruction for the fundamentals of math in order to graduate.
Throughout childhood, I thought I was a P.O.S. for my inability to perform at the same level as other students. Therefore, I used a B-C connection to globally rate my worth in this regard.
However, when serving in the Marine Corps, I was diagnosed with a mathematics disorder after undergoing specific testing by a psychologist. It was then that I realized my mind didn’t process information in a similar fashion to people who perform well in the study of math.
During my undergraduate studies, my girlfriend who was a mechanical engineering student tutored me so that I could pass college algebra – only after having first been required to take intermediate algebra. I thought I was done with math at that point.
Yet, in grad school for counseling, I was required to take research methods and data analysis. My flawed memory recalled having received a ‘C,’ though upon further review of my transcript I apparently received a ‘B.’ At that time, I received tutoring from my girlfriend, as well.
The looming P.O.S. narrative still clouded my mind, even though I began practicing REBT at that point in my life. For instance, when taking the Graduate Record Examinations (GRE) to gain acceptance in a second graduate studies program, I performed poorly.
I told myself versions of unproductive beliefs regarding the B-C connection example used above. And even though I understood and believed in REBT, I didn’t fully commit to practicing the helpful modality.
Somehow, I was admitted to grad school for social work – though on academic probation for my first semester, because of my poor performance on the GRE. Also, students in the program were warned that if we received more than one ‘C,’ we would be asked to leave the school.
One may think that with prior instruction in research I would’ve performed well when taking the course a second time. However, I received my first and only ‘C’ in the program when taking a social work research method class.
As a matter of full disclosure, I was able to persuade the instructor to round up my grade. She was a researcher at her core and not an educator. I reasoned that just as she never wanted to teach, I had no interest in research. My argument was convincing enough that she acquiesced.
Additionally, my girlfriend at the time received induction into a national honors society for social work students. Foolishly comparing my performance to hers, the P.O.S. narrative crept back in.
Yet, I disputed the unhelpful assumption and reduced my level of suffering. Since then, I’ve done the same when the inner-narrative has emerged. Regarding poor global ratings of oneself, as this is the essence of a P.O.S. self-disturbing belief, one source states:
People are people and cannot be legitimately rated by performance. People may perform poorly, do weird things, or lose, but none of these defines the whole person. People will invalidly and subjectively think of themselves as a weirdo, loser, or diminished person, but that is optional, not a valid state true to the facts.
I never was a P.O.S., nor have I ever been a machine that is incapable of making mistakes. In fact, I shit just like anyone else, though I’m not a piece of shit. And in reality, neither are you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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