Step Up, Step Back: An Infantilizing Practice

[DISCLAIMER]

Perhaps of little surprise to anyone who knows me, I don’t like groups (any collection or assemblage, particularly of items or individuals) or group counseling (a method of providing guidance and support for clients organized as a group, as opposed to individual counseling).

There’s no profound explanation necessary for the admission, no need for careful analysis to determine what’s supposedly wrong with me. Much in the way that I don’t appreciate the taste of pickled beets, I don’t like groups or group counseling. It’s that simple.

All the same, I can tolerate and accept instances during which I’m required to participate in such collective action. As an example, I was required to participate in group activity during graduate school for counseling (2009-2011), specifically regarding a group counseling class.

Similarly, when attending graduate school for social work (2012-2014), I was subject to even more requirements in this regard. It was as though virtually every class I took in the latter graduate program functioned as a form of group counseling. I didn’t care much for it at all.

In any event, I realize that many people appear to enjoy or at least receive benefit from participation in groups. Therefore, I’ll share a technique I learned during my social work education period for those of you who – for whatever reason – appreciate group work.

Perhaps unsurprising to those who know me, I talk a lot. The same was apparently the case for a number of my peers in social work education. Thus, an adjunct professor introduced our cohort to a technique known as “Step Up, Step Back,” about which one source states:

When facilitating a meeting, to allow for even sharing, and good discussion, I suggest this guideline for the group:  Step Up/ Step Back.  This means, if you are the person who feels very comfortable sharing, take note of how often you are sharing, and consider giving time for others to share.

By all means, be present and active in this conversation, but make sure others have the time to as well.  If you tend to be a quiet participant, take a chance and “step up” with your idea, share your concerns, your ideas, concerns, and excitement with the group.  A good facilitator will make sure this is safe for you.

Reading that, as the youth say, “it’s giving” (when someone is giving the vibe [i.e., hunch, belief, impression, etc.] of a certain person, place, or thing) infantilization (the encouragement of infantile or childish behavior in a more mature individual). A group facilitator ensures safety?

Fortunately, society as a whole doesn’t treat its members in such a juvenile manner. Life isn’t safe, and a group facilitator to “make sure [speaking in a group] is safe for you” may not have your best interests and goals in mind for the sake of self-determination and autonomy.

Rather than waiting on someone to enforce stepping up and stepping back behavior, one could instead take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for one’s own life experiences. Perhaps you now see why I’m not a good fit for groups or group counseling.

Nevertheless, I understand the apparent utility for a “Step Up, Step Back” approach to life. When further contemplating this matter, especially regarding one’s refusal to take personal ownership for outcomes, I’m reminded of a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “This is why we say that nothing happens to the wise person contrary to their expectations” (page 197). Said differently, expect the unexpected. About this view, authors of The Daily Stoic somehow manage to state (page 197):

Hesiod, the poet, said that “the best treasure is a sparing tongue.” Robert Greene considers it a law of power: Always Say Less Than Necessary.

When working with clients on an individual basis, I find value in a “sparing tongue” and saying “less than necessary” only when the occasion requires silence. However, given that REBT is an active-directive type of psychotherapeutic modality, I also find worth is stepping up.

If a client doesn’t expect the unexpected when requiring me to remain silent for the majority of a teletherapy session, then that individual will self-disturb with irrational beliefs when I actively engage in psychoeducational lessons regarding the ABC model and unconditional acceptance.

Yet, there are plenty of psychotherapists who will take a client’s money while providing minimal feedback. That sort of behavior may help an individual to feel better, though I doubt the person will actually get better. Continuing their outlook, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 197):

We talk because we think it’s helping, whereas in reality it’s making things hard for us. If our spouse is venting, we want to tell them what they should do. In fact, all they actually want us to do is hear them.

It’s bold to assert that talking is “making things hard for us” without providing context other than a spouse who gripes, whines, bitches, moans, complains, whinges, vents, etc., without taking personal ownership for one’s own condition. What utility is there in reinforcing this behavior?

I can offer an intimate partner a “Do you want my mouth or just my ear?” strategy for a moment. However, the more this occurs, the more likely it is that the cathartic effect of feeling better while not actually getting better will become a common practice. Noteworthy, one source states:

Infantilization is the prolonged treatment of someone as if they are much younger than they really are. Studies have shown that an individual, when infantilized, is overwhelmingly likely to feel disrespected. Such individuals may report a sense of transgression akin to dehumanization.

“Awww, what’s da matteh’ wit’ you, sweetie?” is as infantilizing to an intimate partner as listening to a prolonged venting session. Rather than stepping back and taking part in petulantly self-disturbed tirades, I’d rather step up and help a loved one to dispute irrational beliefs.

The same is true concerning my presence in a group. I see little value in a “Step Up, Step Back” form of infantilization whereby a group facilitator is relied upon to “make sure [group work] is safe for you.” Take some damn personal ownership and dispute your fucking unhelpful beliefs!

Perchance you can understand why I’m a professional practitioner of REBT who works solely with individual clients, as well as having decided to go my own way rather than opting to subject myself to romantic relationships. If anyone’s paid attention, there were signs readily available.

I simply won’t infantilize people. Others will. I don’t like pickled beets. Others do. It’s that simple. Ending their framing of a prescription to say less, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 197):

In other situations, the world is trying to give us feedback or input, but we try to talk ourselves out of the problem—only to make it worse. So today, will you be part of the problem or part of the solution? Will you hear the wisdom of the world or drown it out with more noise?

Will you infantilize yourself through needless shushing (urging to be quiet), much as many people experienced as children? Will you advocate the silencing of others, which you consider a Stoic practice derived from a quote ostensibly encouraging people to expect the unexpected?

What you do is up to you. Personally, “Step Up, Step Back” is an infantilizing practice. I’d rather advocate a stance supporting free speech than to silence anyone. Thus, I’ll forego groups and intimate partner relationships while trying to help people get better through practice of REBT.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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