Growing up in Texas and having eclectic musical tastes, I appreciated country anthems to which people would join in and sing whenever and wherever these songs were played. “Family Tradition” by Hank Williams Jr. and “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks come to mind.
Another track worth noting was enjoyed by my white childhood friend who emigrated from Poland, my black dad who used to be a hippie, and by attendees at the dimly-lit pool hall in which I spent many nights as a teen is “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers.
Regarding Amarillo Slims Pool Palace (“Slims”) in Bomb City, my uncle was said to have gambled with Thomas Austin Preston Jr., known as Amarillo Slim, and staff members of Slims allowed me to shoot pool for free on some occasions and at a reduced rate during other times.
I was grateful that my uncle’s reputation granted me access to lessons which I didn’t learn in school. Thus, it was during adolescence, punctuated by moments in that smoke-filled pool hall, that the country music song “The Gambler” became purposeful and meaningful to me.
Notably, I retained my religious principles in opposition to gambling for direct monetary gain, as I often clumsily played pool for trivial prizes such as riding shotgun on the way home from Slims or for a friend to pay for my dinner. Admittedly, I bent the rules of gambling to my will.
For context, gambling is defined as the practice or activity of betting: the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet. Therefore, when saying, “Eight ball, corner pocket, or I owe you dinner,” I compromised my religious values by gambling for food.
Flexibility of my moral and ethical standards was something I needed to experience so that I could later understand how unhelpful it could be to use rationalization— the action of attempting to justify behavior or an attitude with logical and reasonable excuses, even when inappropriate.
Noteworthy, rationalization isn’t the same thing as rational thinking. Whereas the former serves as irrational justification, the latter relates to cognition that remains in accordance with both logic and reason. Thus, it was in Slims that I learned about rational conviction to principles in life.
Another attained lesson relates to the chorus of “The Gambler,” as herein I’ll highlight a psychoeducational lesion about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). In particular, I’ll expand upon use of the ABC model. Before I address this lesson, it’s worth citing the chorus:
You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away, and know when to run
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealing’s done
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral effects as Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. Herein, I’ll focus solely on demands in the form of absolutistic and conditional personal philosophies.
Generally, these unproductive self-narratives are accompanied by prescriptive words such as “should,” “must,” or “ought.” Still, phrases like “gotta” or “have to” also qualify. For instance, “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.”
If a person unfavorably Believes, “You’ve absolutely got to know when to hold your cards and when to fold them,” then this rigid prescription to life leaves little option other than to satisfy the demand. When others fail to acquiesce to this inflexible narrative, self-disturbance may occur.
Likewise, if an individual unhelpfully Believes, “Either you have to know when to hold ‘em, or know when to fold ‘em,” then this black-or-white condition allows little ability for balance. Thus, if people chose an alternative third option, then self-disturbance will likely result.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Suppose that rather than using unaccommodating absolutistic and conditional demands a person instead opts for personal preferences or recommendations. Use of preferential or recommendatory should, must, or ought-type beliefs probably won’t cause self-disturbance.
For example, if a person Effectively believes, “I’d prefer that you should know when to hold ‘em,” or, “I’d recommend that you ought to know when to fold ‘em,” then what may occur if or when the person to whom the preference or recommendation is expressed ignores the guidance?
Rather than the fear, anger, sorrow, or disgust that may be caused from use of absolutistic or conditional Beliefs, use of preferential or recommendatory Effective beliefs may result in frustration, annoyance, irritation, or disappointment. Which reaction would you rather feel?
In an ideal-world, we wouldn’t experience any unhealthy or healthy negative emotions. Ideally, there wouldn’t be negative emotions of any kind. However, in a real-world setting, we can feel all of the aforementioned emotions which are the Consequences of what we tell ourselves.
When teaching a person about REBT, I invite the individual to consider the healthy negative emotional Consequences of Effective beliefs rather than allowing unhealthy negative emotions which stem from irrational Beliefs to ruin one’s day. In a way, it’s a gamble regarding outcomes.
Preferentially or recommendatorily, you got to know when to hold Effective beliefs and when to fold unhelpful Beliefs, know when to walk away from self-disturbance and know when to run toward un-disturbing yourself. This is the lesson from “The Gambler” that I learned later in life.
Yesterday, I was reminded of the lessons which I’ve learned when watching the President of Ukraine Volodymyr Zelenskyy (who has suspended elections in his nation) meet with President of the United States (U.S.) Donald Trump and Vice President of the U.S. JD Vance.
Toward the end of an otherwise unremarkable meeting, Zelenskyy, Vance, and Trump gave the world a glimpse into the two lessons addressed herein. Presumably, the prior U.S. presidential administration and other nations have used a flexible moral and ethical framework with Ukraine.
According to one source, “European nations have contributed $138 billion to Ukraine’s war effort compared with $119 billion in military and humanitarian assistance from the U.S.” For full disclosure, I’ve been outspoken regarding my objection to financial support for Ukraine.
Nevertheless, Zelenskyy has remained successful at a strategy of gambling that each nation he visits will fill his coffers when he shows up with a hand out and while donning the garb of a military member, as Zelenskyy referred to his attire as a “costume” during the meeting yesterday.
Per one source, “[Zelenskyy] didn’t even do his compulsory military service. His draft-dodging has long prompted jeers from political opponents.” LARPing as a military serviceman aside, it was somewhat obvious that Zelenskyy may’ve counted his money while at the gambling table.
Thus, what I witnessed during the meeting with Trump and Vance was a global ass chewing of epic proportions. Because I wasn’t live action role playing (LARPing) like Zelenskyy, I learned to praise in public and reprimand in private when serving as a U.S. Marine.
However, I think it was important for the world to see that U.S. financial backing of Ukraine has run its course. There’ll be time enough for counting how many people have died from our involvement in this proxy war when the dealing is done. Regrettably, too many people!
All the same, our dealing of support preferentially or recommendatorily needed to have ended since before February 24, 2022. Enough is enough! My involuntary contribution to taxes isn’t intended to fund the creation of graveyards abroad – for Russians or Ukrainians.
Therefore, the first lesson of “The Gambler” which applies is I maintain that it’s an immoral and unethical standard for the U.S. to participate in proxy wars. The second lesson is that I prefer for the U.S. to cease and desist with continued hostilities abroad. This is highly recommended.
Nonetheless, as I’ve outlined herein, I’m not using irrational absolutistic or conditional demands. Unlike Zelenskyy, who apparently didn’t know when to hold ‘em or fold ‘em, I know when to walk away from self-disturbance and run toward the tenets of rational living. How about you?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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