On the 2019 album Set in Stone, rapper Termanology and producer Dame Grease released a song entitled “Give Them Flowers,” featuring rapper Ea$y Money, which relates to an existentialism perspective on life. In specific, all live results in death.
According to one source, “Give me my flowers” is an encouraging reminder for all of us to stop taking life and the existence of those whom we profess to care about and love for granted.” I can recall my late stepmom inviting me to give her proverbial flowers when she was still alive.
I hope the time and effort spent showing her how important she was to me was meaningful enough for my stepmom to have died valuing the floral sentiment I offered. Still, one cannot be sure of her passing experience regarding a life well-lived.
In “Give Them Flowers,” Termanology and Ea$y Money pay homage to rappers Nipsey Hussle, 2Pac, Sean Price, Mac Miller, Prodigy, and Guru. The chorus twice states:
One love to all the heroes that we mourn
We feel the presence of your spirit and it’s strong
Please refer to the lyrics of this song
Tell me you love me now, I can’t hear it when I’m gone
I recently discussed with a friend the concept of giving flowers to the living and she agreed with the importance of this notion. As she and I have both experienced a number of deaths regarding people to whom we were close in our lifetimes, we understand the finite nature of a physical death.
Rather than disturbing myself about the inevitability of such an experience, I practice the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) technique of unconditional life-acceptance (ULA). Regarding this practice, one REBT source states:
Death is an adversity that we all will sooner or later face. REBT and Stoic philosophy help us to come to accept and not fear death. To this end we had better have a flexible and non-extreme attitude towards death. Instead of holding the attitude “I and my loved ones must not die. Death is unbearable” we can hold a healthier attitude towards this certainty.
That attitude might be “I wish I and my loved ones lived forever but sadly we do not and it does not have to be otherwise. Death is not good but it is certain. The certainty of my ultimate death is uncomfortable but not unbearable. I can tolerate the fact I and my loved ones will die.
It is worth tolerating simply because it will occur whether I disturb myself about it or not. I will commit myself to make the most of my limited time here on earth so that when death arrives I will be emotionally ready to encounter it.”
The REBT source effectively demonstrates the practice of ULA by addressing how self-disturbing low frustration tolerance is generated using an unproductive attitude and how high frustration tolerance is achieved through use of flexible beliefs. In essence, living rationally is a method of preparing to die well.
Importantly, while people remain in the current realm of existence, we can give them flowers so that there’s little-to-no guess work concerning what we think, believe, or feel in regard to them. About this matter, Termanology states in “Give Them Flowers”:
Haven’t you noticed we tend to give our heroes roses when they[‘re] froze stiff?
Underground, no sense of smell, like eventually I had meant to tell ‘em that I love ‘em.
Wish I could hug ‘em, but never got there, now I tell him when he[‘s] not here and cannot hear.
So this song I recorded for all my loved ones, mis amores, please give me my flores while I’m here.
Death is a heartbeat away, though you and I don’t know which heartbeat that’ll be. Therefore, before we return to the Earth, it may be helpful to remember Ecclesiastes 3:20 (even if you’re irreligious or areligious): “All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.”
As such, regarding the people in your life about whom you care, I invite you to give them flowers while they’re still here. As well, I encourage you to practice ULA as a means of giving yourself flowers before that final heartbeat inevitably stops.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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