*All persons referenced herein are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
Herein, I address terms related to that which is considered normal—the usual, average, or typical state or condition. When used properly, “normal” doesn’t imply that which is considered righteous. Rather, I’m merely referring to regular patterns.
I recall that during my freshman year of high school there were rumors of an adult male educator having an inappropriate relationship with an underage female student. During that same time, there was gossip of an adult female coach who purportedly behaved inappropriately with underage female students.
Transferring to a different high school for my sophomore year, similar tales of men and women allegedly engaged in sexually inappropriate relationships with boys and girls were present. During the ‘90s, I didn’t hear much other than whispers about these occurrences.
That was until 1997, after I had already graduated, and I heard about the case of Mary Kay Letourneau. According to one source:
Mary Katherine “Mary Kay” Fualaau (née Schmitz, formerly Letourneau; January 30, 1962 – July 6, 2020), was an American sex offender and teacher who pleaded guilty in 1997 to two counts of felony second-degree rape of a child. Letourneau was 34, and the child, Vili Fualaau, was 12 years old when she initiated the sexual abuse. He was her sixth-grade student at an elementary school in Burien, Washington. While awaiting sentencing, she gave birth to Fualaau’s daughter. With the state seeking a seven and a half year prison sentence, she reached a plea agreement calling for six months in jail with three months suspended and no contact with Fualaau for life, among other terms. The case received national attention.
I recall people expressing shock, due to the age of the victim. Apparently, a 16- or 17-year-old child in a similar position would’ve somehow made the matter more palatable to the individuals I heard discussing the case.
Not long ago, I watched the film May December, which one source claims was loosely inspired by the Mary Kay Letourneau scandal. Personally, I think the movie minimized inappropriate sexual relationships between adults and minors, as well as normalizing such behavior.
According to one source, “Normalization refers to social processes through which ideas and actions come to be seen as ‘normal’ and become taken-for-granted or ‘natural’ in everyday life.” More than that, I suspect the film contributes to the phenomenon of normalcy bias. Per one source:
Normalcy bias, or normality bias, is a cognitive bias which leads people to disbelieve or minimize threat warnings. Consequently, individuals underestimate the likelihood of a disaster, when it might affect them, and its potential adverse effects. The normalcy bias causes many people to prepare inadequately for natural disasters, market crashes, and calamities caused by human error.
No matter how frequently in my personal and professional life that I discuss normalcy bias regarding female sex offenders who prey upon children, it rarely fails for people to rationalize the matter. This occurs with both men and women.
A man may say, “Well, what harm is actually done? After all, when I was a teenager, I would’ve done anything to sleep with one of my teachers.” A woman may state, “Yeah, but it happens way more with men than it does with women.”
I suspect that when sexually predatory behavior is exhibited by women, such misbehavior has now become normalized to the point whereby many people opt for one of two categorical responses. Although irrationally dichotomous in nature, I usually encounter one of two replies.
One, people with whom I’ve communicated will dismiss sexual assault and rape committed by females (girls and women) as non-impactful to victims—the females and males (boys and men) who are harmed or injured as a result of a crime or an action. In essence, people classify the misbehavior as harmless.
Two, individuals with whom I’ve interacted will excuse female offenders as phenomenological—the typological classification of a class of phenomena (a rare or significant fact or event). Essentially, individuals categorize the misbehavior as unusual though infrequent.
When I dispute the irrational beliefs which lead to normalcy bias of this sort, I find that people tend to then experience cognitive dissonance—the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. In this way, one’s illogical and unreasonable beliefs create discomfort about the topic.
For many years, I wondered why some people seem to instinctually protect misbehavior perpetrated by females in relation to sexual assault and rape. Regarding my own personal anecdote, most people to whom I’ve told my experience have offered trivial explanations.
When I was in elementary school, my minor-aged biological female cousin took me into her basement and encouraged me to look at her genitalia while inviting me to show her mine. A separate minor-aged biological female relative taught me how to masturbate only a few years later.
The majority of people to whom I’ve informed about these events have used normalcy bias. Compositely, the response has been something like, “Oh, I bet a man taught them to do that.”
I don’t unhelpfully demand that people should, must, or ought to sympathize with my experience, or that these individuals should refrain from use of normalcy bias which decentralizes personal responsibility and accountability of those who sexually abuse, assault, or rape children.
Although I don’t claim victimhood regarding my experience, nor do I unhelpfully blame my relatives, I find it interesting how difficult it is for some people to admit that females have personal agency. Moreover, I maintain that females can take personal ownership of their behavior.
In order to use a rational perspective regarding this topic, I think it’s important to understand the prevalence of abuse perpetrated by women against children. While it may be helpful to one day discuss minor-aged female perpetration of sexual assault and rape, the current post will focus on adult perpetrators from this point on – with one caveat in closing.
Herein, I’m not attempting to provide definitive explanations about why women abuse children (people under the age of 18-years-old). Likewise, I won’t commit naturalistic or moralistic fallacies by unproductively claiming what ought to be when merely faced with what is.
As though my bias weren’t already apparent, I admit that I’m partial to the notion that some or perhaps even many female abuse children. However, I’m not prepared to make the claim that most or the majority of women commit such crimes, because I have no evidence to support that allegation.
Regarding an assessment pertaining to 2021, one source reports, “In the United States [U.S.], more perpetrators of child abuse were women than men. In 2021, about 233,918 perpetrators of child abuse were women, compared to 213,672 male perpetrators.”
I don’t consider this statistic all that surprising, because I suspect women have more access to children than do men. The more access to children one has, it remains plausible that those with proclivities towards abusing minors may be able to carry out their offenses.
In two or single parent homes, within the system of education from high school-aged students and under, and in the field of social services, women are overrepresented by the measure of contact with minors. I defy anyone to prove this assertion false.
With presumably the majority of children remaining in contact with women, it stands to reason that there is a higher likelihood for the potential of minors to be abused by women. This isn’t rocket science-level logic at play.
For instance, with increased frequency and duration of time spent in a motor vehicle when traveling on public roadways, the likelihood increases for a person to be involved in a motor vehicle accident. In this regard, stating the obvious isn’t equivalent to moralizing about how bad it is to traverse roadways.
For the skeptical reader who suggests that women are natural nurturers or that men are inherently violent, I’m unconcerned with both traditionally conservative and feminist talking points. Again, I’m addressing what is, not what one believes ought to be.
In any instance, I concede that the type of abuse is a necessary distinction when addressing this topic. Simply because one statistical resource reports that on average women abuse children more than men doesn’t imply that such behavior relates to sexual abuse.
Herein, it may be helpful to define a number of terms. According to one source, “Sexual assault is an act in which one intentionally sexually touches another person without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.”
As an example, if a woman pats a boy on his buttocks while expressing how impressed she is with his physique, this could constitute sexual assault. Although a form of sexual assault, rape has a different and specific meaning.
Rape may be defined as unlawful sexual activity, and usually sexual intercourse, carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent due to mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception.
Noteworthy, my attempt to clarify matters herein isn’t representative of advocacy for these actions. Rather, I seek to understand. Confusion between sexual assault and rape may result from the distinction element pertaining to forcible sexual contact that is under threat of injury.
Therefore, it’s understandable how some people may conclude that a 34-year-old woman who engages in an inappropriate, though perceivably consensual, sexual relationship with a 12-year-old boy may not constitute rape. However, I disagree.
I maintain that such behavior is specifically representative of rape which falls under the broad category of sexual assault. For instance, in the state of Texas, an individual “under 17 or 18 years old, depending on the statute,” is incapable of issuing consent for sexual intercourse.
To my knowledge, the minimum age of consent in the U.S. is 16. Although legal definitions for crimes related to rape may vary by state, I consider vaginal, anal or oral penetration by a body part or an object of someone (male or female) under the legal age of consent constitutes rape.
I further maintain that this morally, ethically, and legally reprehensible behavior has largely been minimized where female perpetrators are concerned. Consequently, I posit that people underestimate the likelihood of sexual assault and rape of males, while also downplaying the potentially adverse effects stemming from such behavior.
Using an anecdotal example, the animated sitcom South Park addressed this matter in season 10, episode 10, which was entitled “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy.” Regarding the episode, one source opines:
Focusing on Ike’s blossoming romance with his kindergarten teacher Miss Stevenson, the episode takes aim at the idea that society is weirdly less outraged by female teachers taking advantage of their students, and is clearly having a lot of fun poking at this wide-spread hypocrisy.
Photo credit, property of Comedy Central, fair use
In the episode, when the heinous crime is reported to law enforcement personnel, male police officers use normalcy bias by merely replying, “Nice.” I observed similar reactions to the Debra Lafave case. For those unaware of her story, one source states:
Debra Jean Williams (née Beasley; born August 28, 1980), better known under her former married name of Debra Lafave, is a convicted sex offender who formerly taught at Angelo L. Greco Middle School in Temple Terrace, Florida. In 2005, she pleaded guilty to lewd or lascivious battery against a teenager. The charges stemmed from a sexual encounter with a 14-year-old student in mid-2004. Lafave’s plea bargain included no prison time, opting for three years of house arrest due to safety concerns, seven years of probation, and lifetime registration as a sex offender.
Lafave was a conventionally attractive woman and serves as a litmus test regarding normalcy bias concerning female sexual offenders and the public’s response. Although a subjective assessment, I find that most males and some females with whom I’ve spoken tend to minimize Lafave’s reported behavior.
According to one source, “Public responses to high profile cases of sexual misconduct involving female teachers suggest that gender-biased views on sex offenders remain prominent in society.” Because my observation appears to coincide with the reflection of others, I propose a hypothesis.
My supposition relates to normalcy bias being present in relation to women who allegedly commit sexual assault or rape against boys (males under the age of 18-years-old). To test this hypothesis, I searched the Daily Mail (one of the few publications that will actually report these sorts of crimes).
Keeping the aforementioned criteria in mind, I found several cases. I invite the reader to consider legal responses and to peruse the comment sections of the following cases:
· Regarding the first case, the source states, “A [27-year-old] dental receptionist sexually assaulted a 13-year-old boy after she began chatting him up at random following a white wine binge,” by allegedly “stroking the 13-year-old’s genitals over his clothing before offering him sex and saying she would ‘ride you till morning.”
· For the second case, the source states, “A [24-year-old] Texas high school teacher has been accused of purchasing vapes and alcohol for [up to 12] underage boys before she had sex with them.”
· Concerning the third case, the source states, “A [32-year-old] married schoolteacher is accused of grooming an 11-year-old boy with nude photos and $700 until they had sex on her bed,” as the substitute teacher “was recorded telling the boy they could ‘do it again’ and she couldn’t get pregnant.”
· For the final case, the source states, “A [46-year-old] social media influencer who sexually assaulted a 14-year-old boy twice in one night has ‘no sexual interest in children’, a court has been told,” after allegedly telling the boy “Don’t tell your father about this” before “taking off his clothes and undressing herself. She then forced the teen to engage in oral and penetrative sex.”
Regarding the latter case, the source adds:
Judge Hopkins highlighted the conclusion of forensic psychologist Stephen Woods that there was no evidence the 46-year-old woman had ‘pedophilic tendencies’. ‘Professor Woods (found) she had no sexual interest in children,’ she said. The influencer was three times older than her victim when she snuck into a bed and raped him in the middle of the night. Judge Hopkins determined the woman had ‘good prospects of rehabilitation’ because ‘the offences were isolated’ and she had committed to abstaining from drugs and alcohol.
Technically speaking, sexual interest in a 14-year-old doesn’t constitute pedophilia. To understand this assertion, the reader may benefit by knowing about paraphilias. According to one source:
Paraphilias are persistent and recurrent sexual interests, urges, fantasies, or behaviors of marked intensity involving objects, activities, or even situations that are atypical in nature. Although not innately pathological, a paraphilic disorder can evolve if paraphilia invokes harm, distress, or functional impairment on the lives of the affected individual or others. A total of eight Paraphilias are listed in the DSM V [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition] and include pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sexual sadism, sexual masochism, frotteurism, fetishism, and transvestic fetishism.
Clarifying the DSM-V position, one source offers:
Pedophilic disorder is characterized by recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with prepubescent children (generally ≤ 13 years); based on clinical criteria, it is diagnosed only when the patient is ≥ 16 years and ≥ 5 years older than the child who is the target of the fantasies or behaviors.
Therefore, by the technical definition, the aforementioned case of a 46-year-old woman allegedly raping a 14-year-old boy doesn’t meet the criteria for pedophilic disorder. One may then deduce that she would not meet the definition of a pedophile.
In common parlance, “pedophile” merely relates to an individual that is sexually attracted to minors. Regarding minors, consider that the age of majority refers to people having greater years and being of full age (i.e., adults) as opposed to the age of minority (i.e., minors).
If a 46-year-old adult who purportedly has sex with a 14-year-old minor doesn’t meet the definition of a pedophile, this begs the question; what then is pedophilia? Furthermore, what is a hebephilia? Moreover, what is ephebophilia? Are you familiar with the latter terms? According to one source:
[A]lthough child sex offenders are often lumped into the single classification of pedophilia, biologically speaking it’s a rather complicated affair. Some have even proposed an additional subcategory of pedophilia, “infantophilia,” to distinguish those individuals most intensely attracted to children below six years of age.
It’s important that the reader understand that not every adult that engages in sexual abuse of a minor is categorized as a pedophile, even though this is the colloquial term assigned to those who commit this form of abuse. According to one source:
Pedophilia (alternatively spelled paedophilia) is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children. Although girls typically begin the process of puberty at age 10 or 11, and boys at age 11 or 12, psychiatric diagnostic criteria for pedophilia extend the cut-off point for prepubescence to age 13. People with the disorder are often referred to as pedophiles (or paedophiles).
As addressed earlier, from a clinical standpoint, sexual attraction to people younger than 13-years-old – and meeting other DSM-V criteria – constitutes pedophilic disorder. Offering a non-clinical perspective, one source states:
Hebephilia is the strong, persistent sexual interest by adults in pubescent children who are in early adolescence, typically ages 11–14 and showing Tanner stages 2 to 3 of physical development. It differs from pedophilia (the primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children), and from ephebophilia (the primary sexual interest in later adolescents, typically ages 15–18). While individuals with a sexual preference for adults may have some sexual interest in pubescent-aged individuals, researchers and clinical diagnoses have proposed that hebephilia is characterized by a sexual preference for pubescent rather than adult partners.
Although the aforementioned source states that ephebophilia ranges from 15–18-year-old, one source clarifies:
Ephebophilia is the primary sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19. The term was originally used in the late 19th to mid-20th century. It is one of a number of sexual preferences across age groups subsumed under the technical term chronophilia. Ephebophilia strictly denotes the preference for mid-to-late adolescent sexual partners, not the mere presence of some level of sexual attraction. It is not a psychiatric diagnosis.
Non-diagnostically speaking, pedophilia relates to sexual attraction to children from infancy to around 11-years-old. Hebephilia then relates to similar attraction to kids from approximately 11- to 14-years-old. Ephebophilia thus involves sexual attraction to children from about 15- to just under 18-years old, as those 18 and above aren’t considered children.
This means that if a hypothetical 30-year-old woman has sex with a 17-year-old boy one day before his 18th birthday, within a state that maintains 18 as the legal age of consent, she could be charged with a sex crime, not clinically diagnosed with pedophilic disorder, and would technically be an ephebophile.
It may be worth noting that there has been an emerging movement to categorize minor-attracted persons (MAPs) as subject to a sexual orientation (presumed to be born this way and not a matter of choice). One study relating to female MAPs reports:
[T]here is a tacit assumption that this group may experience less stigma from society than males who are sexually attracted to children. However, our participants suggested that this lesser stigma only exists because of the lack of knowledge that female MAPs exist.
When I address the topic of female MAPs, I generally find that most people defer to the overrepresentation of male MAPs, perhaps using a straw man argument to deflect from the existence of women who sexually desire children. I consider such behavior unhelpful.
Normalizing MAP behavior by willfully ignoring women who seek to gratify their sexual urges with minors isn’t necessarily useful when seeking to understand abnormal human behavior. In fact, I argue that it fuels the experience of normalcy bias. Interestingly, one source opines:
Largely due to a failure of our society to recognize women as offenders, we allow them to avoid detection, prosecution, and interventions like tracking, registration, or mandated treatment. This could be partially due to differences that exist in their offending behaviors, victim profiles, and personal characteristics that set them apart from male offenders, to whom our systems have become more attuned.
No matter how discomforting an experience one’s beliefs about MAPs may be, I think a more helpful approach to countering normalcy bias in this regard is to first admit that the issue is valid – female MAPs exist. I’m not suggesting that all women sexualize children. Not even all men do this.
Likewise, I’m not implying that most or the majority of women have pedophilic, hebophilic, or ephebophilic tendencies. Moreover, I’m not even claiming that there are more females than males who are sexually attracted to or perpetrate sexual assault and rape against minors.
Rather, I’m asserting that some – even perhaps many – women fit the description of MAPs outlined herein. For instance, if there were five such females per U.S. state, that would equal 250 girls and women who qualify for this category, which meets my subjective qualification of “many.”
Remarkably, as was the case when I was in graduate school and researching female-perpetrated intimate partner violence, I find that some resources rationalize female misconduct rather than advocating personal agency and ownership. For instance, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) suggests:
Out of the sexual abuse cases reported to CPS [child protective services] in 2013, 47,000 men and 5,000 women were the alleged perpetrators. In 88% of the sexual abuse claims that CPS substantiates or finds supporting evidence of, the perpetrator is male. In 9% of cases they are female, and 3% are unknown.
Taking a charitable interpretation of RAINN’s reported data, which is over a decade old, one may surmise that female MAPs do in fact exist. Albeit a substantially lower portion of women who sexually assault and rape minors, these crimes actually occur.
Similar to RAINN’s account, another source claims, “Male educators make up a majority of the persons who are committing sexual crimes against their students; previous research put the numbers anywhere between 57 to 96 percent.” Even still, female educators aren’t fully absolved of responsibility in this regard.
When considering sexual abuse of minors within the educational system, one source reports:
The offenders were most commonly teachers or coaches, whose positions allowed them to spend increased individual time with particular students. Across 7 studies, the sex of the offender varied significantly; although the majority were men, 4% to 43% were women. The offenders ranged in age from 21 to 75 years, with a mean age of 28.
A range from 4–43% is significant and tells very little about the actual number of females who groom and ultimately perpetrate sexual crimes against children. Thus, statistics such as this may confuse people, as noisy data of this sort further contributes to normalcy bias.
Per one source, “Despite growing interest, research on female sex offenders has been limited.” One wonders why this may be. Why might there be constrained efforts to critically evaluate the frequency of girl- and woman-initiated sexual encounters with underage females and males? One may only speculate.
Still, it isn’t as though researchers are unaware of female MAPs. Consider how one source states:
According to official statistics, two percent of those who commit sex crimes are women, most of which involve child victims. However, victimization surveys suggest the true rate of female-perpetrated child sexual abuse is significantly higher than official statistics, and that it is under-detected and under-reported.
Discussing this matter many years ago with a female friend, she explained her hesitancy to consider how one of her own female friends or family members could possibly maintain sexual interest in her young daughter. Further, she expressed a desire not to fathom how one of her daughter’s teachers could plausibly sexually assault or rape her child.
My friend’s normalcy bias correlated with cognitive dissonance. Apparently, it was more comforting to irrationally believe that by preventing sleepovers wherein men resided in a home, and by being present in public when her daughter interacted with males, my friend retained the illusion of control.
In one study that examined adolescent females who committed sexual offenses, researchers found that the “sexually offending group had significantly fewer antisocial behavior problems, such as alcohol or drug use problems, problems with fighting, or problems at school” than their adolescent female peers with non-sexual victim-involved offense histories.
Similar to shock expressed by those made aware of the Lafave case, it may be difficult for people to accept that minor-aged female sex offenders aren’t ogrishly repulsive or easily detectable to the naked eye. They may not even meet the normal prototype of an antisocial child that parents can easily spot among other children.
I don’t say these things to alarm people. Likewise, information contained herein isn’t intended to stigmatize female MAPs. Rather, I think it’s time for proper research and adequate accounting to take place for girls and women with sexual orientation or sexual preference toward minors.
Cognitive bias which leads people to disbelieve or minimize potential or actual threats to children isn’t helpful. Additionally, underestimating the likelihood of a disaster, when it might affect the children within a given society, may cause many people to inadequately prepare for sexual assault or rape committed by female pedophiles, hebophiles, and ephebophiles.
While I understand that exposure to this topic may not be pleasant, I invite the reader to seek understanding about the information contained herein. In order to address a problem, I think one may benefit by first knowing that the problem exists.
Therefore, normalcy bias related to female offenders of sexual abuse warrants further attention. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted or raped by a female, and you’re searching for a mental health care provider who won’t foolishly pretend as though it’s “nice” that such abuse occurred, you’ve found the right individual who may be able to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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