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  • Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

Females, too


Today, I came across an article in which Pamela Anderson claimed, “I had a babysitter and my parents thought she was a great babysitter, because she brought presents all the time, but she was molesting me.” I think this matter is worth discussing further.


While I don’t know Anderson or her alleged perpetrator, I wasn’t present for the purported abuse, and I can’t speak with any authority related to the entertainer’s circumstances, I appreciate that Anderson addressed a topic about which I’ve informed people throughout the years.


Females are capable of abusive behavior, too.

More specifically, not only do males sexually exploit people, because females do so, too. Referring to female humans, I’m referencing both those regarding the age of minority (children) and majority (adults).


If you’ll forgive me an antidote, I recall having a discussion with a woman many years ago. She expressed how leery she was about allowing her daughter to spend the night at a home wherein a man was present.


Suspecting I knew the answer, though not wanting to assume her reason, I asked why and my friend stated something to the effect of, “You know, men abuse girls.” I asked, “Are you aware that women also molest girls and female children are capable of molesting other children?”


My friend was astonished to hear this, as have been seemingly countless people throughout my life with whom I’ve shared similar information. How is it that males have been dealt the impossible social stigma of sole sexual abuse or rape when females abuse, too?


I understand that the literature and other data regarding this topic are limited. Still, I suspect that because of the taboo regarding female sexual abuse of other people, we are currently unlikely to fully know how frequently it occurs or to what extent.


Anecdotally, I could discuss how my first sexual encounters in elementary school were from older family members initiating sexual contact. Also, I could separate my personal account and share qualitative narratives of many males I know who experienced similar circumstances.


I suspect that you, dear reader, know of more than one male who was preyed upon by a female at some point in his lifetime. However, due to ignorance, denial, or some other mechanism, at some point males learn that what is defined as abuse towards females doesn’t qualify as assault when a person has an outie rather than an innie.


I remember when undergoing my grad school education for social work, I was misinformed by radical feminists about supposed power dynamics. I was told something like, “All men are guilty of assaulting all women.”


Apparently, all penis-in-vagina penetration constituted rape—even that of a consensual nature. Conversely, the same ideologically-driven students framed childhood sexual experiences in which older girls preyed upon younger girls with a more gentle characterization.


It was “experimenting” when an older female child initiated sexual contact with another child. Or, perhaps one of the most overused tropes of feminist rhetoric; it was simply a male’s fault, because the agency-deprived female couldn’t possibly have learned such behavior on her own.


Females were presented as simultaneously powerful while also functioning as perpetual victims, though I disagreed with such framing then as much as I do now. Girls and women—females—are capable of sexualizing and abusing boys and men—males—as well as other females.


Not one to shy away from this topic, in my blog entry entitled Green with Anger, I addressed how females are in fact capable of sexually assaulting males. Yes, females, too, commit such offenses.


In my practice, I work with people—regardless of how they identify—in relation to past trauma. It isn’t an easy matter to process. Still, I fully appreciate people like Anderson who are honest enough to inform the world that sometimes the trusted female babysitter could be molesting a child.


Not all of us who endured past sexual exploitation and abuse suffer in the present. When working with clients, I use Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to address sexual assault and rape, among other matters.


My clients learn to accept the past, which they can’t undo, rather than making “victim,” “survivor,” “thriver,” (or whatever psychobabble and social signaling term of the moment) as their core identity. In so doing, my clients challenge self-disturbing beliefs and cast aside mental and emotional shackles.


If you’re someone who has been sexually abused, raped, molested, assaulted, groomed, or endured the effects of sexual “experimenting” from a girl or woman, and you suffer from your beliefs regarding the event(s), I may be able to help. I know that females, too, commit these acts.


If for nothing else, I won’t simply high five you for having supposedly been “lucky” enough to receive sexual attention from another person. Nor will I invalidate what occurred by dismissively depriving females of agency and writing off predatory behavior as a simple misstep.


If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.


As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.


At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!



Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW



References:


Davison, R. (2023, February 2). ‘I thought I killed her with my magical mind’: Pamela Anderson ‘believed’ she caused death of babysitter who molested her - when she died in a car crash a day after star tried to ‘stab her.’ Daily Mail. Retrieved from https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-11705151/Pamela-Anderson-believed-caused-death-babysitter-molested-her.html

Hollings, D. (2022, November 18). Big T, little t. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/big-t-little-t

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2022, August 24). Green with anger. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/green-with-anger

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2022, March 25). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 25). Victimhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/victimhood

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Pamela Anderson. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pamela_Anderson

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