On his 2023 album Recovery, rapper Quando Rondo features a song entitled “Forever 16” in which he addresses the topic of revenge—to avenge (oneself or another), usually by retaliating in kind or degree, or to inflict injury in return for an act or perceived act. Lyrics include:
I swear to God that they don’t know, they don’t know that I been going through some things all day
Sittin’ by the window, hope the rain go away
I hope this pain go away
I watched my mans go away
It’s gon’ bе hard to forget that
I swear to God that they don’t know, they don’t know that I been going through some things all day
Sittin’ by the window, hope the rain go away
I hope this pain go away
I watched my mans go away
They know that we gon’ get some get-back
Defining the term get-back, one source states that this action occurs “when a gang member gets shot and his homies retaliate by shooting a rival gang member back.” Having spent a significant amount of time with gangbangers in adolescence, I know firsthand about get-back.
During that point in my life, I maintained a worldview similar to Quando Rondo’s. For context, I’ll address the matter using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if someone shoots Quando Rondo’s “mans” (Action), the shot individual may die (Consequence). In the naturalistic world, A-C connections involving bullets and death are correlative and sometimes causative.
Still, if when Quando Rando’s “mans” dies (Action) and the rapper unproductively Believes, “This shouldn’t happen and I can’t stand not to retaliate for this awful event,” then he’ll likely self-disturb into an angry disposition and seek revenge (Consequence).
Using the B-C framework, people quite often disturb themselves with unhelpful assumptions. In my youth, this meant various forms of retaliation which included those about which I don’t discuss in my blog, because the statute of limitations hasn’t expired after all these years.
Thus, when using REBT, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. In essence, I can’t bring back Quando Rondo’s “mans,” though I can help people like him to choose healthier alternatives than get-back.
Noteworthy, it isn’t only gangbangers or rappers who self-disturb in such a manner. Throughout my career as a behavioral health care provider, I’ve worked with people from diverse backgrounds who’ve upset themselves using B-C connections.
A person could be a middle-aged, overweight white male with tattoos and vision impairment, and still self-disturb to the point of get-back for something as trivial as neighborhood children continually walking on his lawn. No one I know is immune from self-disturbance.
Likewise, get-back comes in many varieties. Intentionally bumping people with shopping carts, ramming other motorists with a vehicle, or spraying children with a water hose for merely walking on one’s lawn, get-back doesn’t have to be the consequence of one’s unhelpful beliefs.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Behavioral health care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/behavioral-health-care
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
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Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Lucifer is my bitch. (2021, October 8). Homie. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Homie
Quando Rondo. (2023, March 24). Quando Rondo - Forever 16 [Official audio] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/HHP4-Sl4X6A?si=hqkAHhW_GIfHIm53
Sur side loco. (2007, September 3). Get back. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=get%20back
Wayhomestudio. (n.d.). Photo of serious angry man has thick beard, clenches fists and looks with outraged expression, promises to revenge, shows stout big belly, dressed in yellow t shirt, expresses negative emotions [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/photo-serious-angry-man-has-thick-beard-clenches-fists-looks-with-outraged-expression-promises-revenge-shows-stout-big-belly-dressed-yellow-t-shirt-expresses-negative-emotions_13409317.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=7&uuid=eea91e2a-21a0-4565-a023-b64d1010f228
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Quando Rondo. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quando_Rondo
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Recovery (Quando Rondo album). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recovery_(Quando_Rondo_album)
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