I recently had a discussion with someone about isolation. Let’s call her person X. The conversation was informed by my practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) – a form of cognitive behavior therapy that uses behaviorist techniques to influence behavior.
Self-disturbed by irrational beliefs about intimate partner relationships, person X expressed the possibility of going her own may – much as I did almost a decade ago. As an REBT practitioner, I don’t advise people on what they should, must, or ought to do, so I didn’t promote my lifestyle to her.
Rather, I asked a series of questions to discover if person X was emotively responding to her situation and to ascertain as to whether or not she was prepared to make a rational case for isolation. Apparently, her beliefs which influenced her emotions and behavior were rigid—firmly inflexible rather than lax or indulgent.
Aside from not using demandingness with people by informing them of what they should or shouldn’t do, I try not to moralize about matters with people by declaring what I believe is good or bad, right or wrong, or otherwise concerning their decisions.
Therefore, when hearing that person X essentially wanted to literally flee her environment and move into a place of isolation in the wilderness, I didn’t judge her reactive decision. Nevertheless, I gently prodded further to assess if person X had considered other options.
Thus, I briefly discussed stimulus control, about which one source states, “In behavioral psychology, stimulus control is a phenomenon in operant conditioning that occurs when an organism behaves in one way in the presence of a given stimulus and another way in its absence.” Expanding upon this concept, consider what one REBT source states:
For clients working on changing a behavior, we advocate stimulus control at the beginning of such change. Examples include having clients who have problems with alcohol get rid of all of the alcohol in their home and avoid going to bars or having clients with eating disorders throw away certain foods that are likely to trigger a binge.
There’s nothing inherently bad or wrong about use of stimulus control. Admittedly, I utilize this technique in my personal life. As an example, consider what I stated in a blogpost entitled Stick to the Plan:
I strive to get better in life rather than seeking joy or pleasure as a means of merely feeling better. While I can’t speak for others, and I don’t prescribe the path I’ve chosen to everyone else, I find immense value in moving from resistance to resilience.
Resistance may be defined as an act or instance of resisting—exerting oneself so as to counteract something. As an example, when tempted to binge on artificial sweets I can resist unhelpful cravings by keeping myself occupied with healthier pursuits.
Not always am I successful in this regard. Therefore, I find that not keeping artificially sweet foods within my home helps, as does keeping various fruits readily available, though I never behave perfectly.
Some people may consider my approach to stimulus control as being rigid. However, my decision doesn’t impact other people and it suits my interests and goals. Likewise, my decision to have gone my own way doesn’t cause harm to others and it’s in alignment with my well-being.
Thus, as I further asked about person X’s underlying motives and assessed whether or not her decision for isolation was the result of rigid stimulus control, she eventually admitted that she wasn’t thinking rationally. Flexibly, she changed her mind and is now considering other options.
The crucial point I want to convey herein is that not all seemingly rigid decisions expressed by people are unhelpful or unhealthy. Sometimes, people perform rigorous assessment of their lives and reach decisions with which other individuals are uncomfortable.
As an example, when I decided to forego all foreseeable romantic relationships and I discussed the matter with my late stepmom, she cautioned me not to take the exacting step. In fact, to bolster her point, she quoted Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Rather than disturbing myself with unhelpful beliefs about my stepmom’s expressed opposition to my self-determined and autonomous decision to live in virtual isolation, I used rational compassion and reasoned that she cared for my mental, emotional, and behavioral well-being.
So, too, was my approach with person X. Now, I invite you to consider the position outlined herein. Although we may not like or love the rational conclusions at which people we care about have arrived, we can tolerate and accept their self-motivated decisions nonetheless.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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