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Having Some Self-Respect For Your Own Mind and Prizing It

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 1 day ago
  • 6 min read

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

How often do you think about how free you are (or aren’t)? For some people, literal freedom (i.e., not subject to incarceration or involuntary servitude) is a legitimate concern. Is that the case for you? If literal freedom isn’t a concern, proverbially speaking, how free are (or aren’t) you?

 

When contemplating this matter, I think of respect which is defined as the quality of being esteemed—to set a high value on: regard highly and prize accordingly. In specific, self-respect is the experience of valuing oneself in high regard. I consider this a matter of proverbial freedom.

 

Perhaps some foundation for this assertion is in order. Authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 39):

 

What’s left to be prized? This, I think—to limit our action or inaction to only what’s in keeping with the needs of our own preparation . . . it’s what the exertions of education and teaching are all about—here is the thing to be prized!

 

If you hold this firmly, you’ll stop trying to get yourself all the other things. . . . If you don’t, you won’t be free, self-sufficient, or liberated from passion, but necessarily full of envy, jealousy, and suspicion for any who have the power to take them, and you’ll plot against those who do have what you prize. . . .

 

But by having some self-respect for your own mind and prizing it, you will please yourself and be in better harmony with your fellow human beings, and more in tune with the gods—praising everything they have set in order and allotted you.

 

Personally, I’m unconcerned with what the supposed “gods” have to say about anything. Minor quibble aside, I think about the words of Aurelius and interpret them to mean that freedom – in the interest of self-respect – is something one can attain and that others cannot take away.

 

For instance, at various points in my life I’ve had varying degrees of wealth. Up until three-years-old, when my parents were married, I experienced relative comfort. As my dad used to brag, he apparently paid off his first home and two cars by that age of 19.

 

Then, following the dissolution of their marriage, my mom, two sisters, and I lived in relative poverty. I ultimately wound up living in a children’s home with the official reason for placement relating to economic instability on the part of my mom.

 

In my youth, I promised myself that I’d never again live in financially unstable times. However, living in San Diego, California as a young Marine with a wife and infant stepdaughter, I relied on social assistance for a short period of time.

 

Without knowledge of REBT, I self-disturbed quite a bit about my circumstance – all through use of irrational beliefs. Unhelpfully, I had no self-respect. Therefore, I was financially broke, sad, and psychologically imprisoned by unfavorable beliefs about my situation, as I wasn’t free.

 

When elaborating on this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic highlight various wealthy individuals and the authors add that “the things that matter to them are cheap” (page 39). This is a lesson I learned later in life, coinciding with devoted practice of REBT.

 

One day, I decided that irrespective of my financial condition I would try to help other people improve their level of functioning and quality of life. Besides, I’d already informally served as a life coach since middle school. I wasn’t paid for my efforts, though I benefitted nonetheless.

 

Personally, attempting to help others enriches me. Thus, unconcerned about amassing a fortune, when I became a practicing psychotherapist I reasoned that possessions didn’t make me rich. Since having established Hollings Therapy, LLC, I’ve maintained this favorable perspective.

 

Now, I don’t struggle with self-respect. Even if (as has been the case historically) someone were to place me into a status of involuntary confinement and I had no access to money, having self-respect for my own mind and prizing it affords me access to self-worth, as I’m therefore free.

 

In this way, I can never be psychologically impoverished unless I stop practicing REBT and allow others dominion over my cognitive and emotive landscape. Having come from a place of literal poverty, I choose not to voluntarily submit proverbial freedom to virtual impoverishment.

 

Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude, “The more things we desire and the more we have to do to earn or attain those achievements, the less we actually enjoy our lives—and the less free we are” (page 39). I choose freedom. How about you?

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2024, October 29). Cognitive continuum. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-continuum

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2025, March 5). Five major characteristics of four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-major-characteristics-of-four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2025, February 4). Money and the power. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/money-and-the-power

Hollings, D. (2024, September 17). Possessions make you rich? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/possessions-make-you-rich

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, December 5). Reasoning. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2024, March 7). The 6 P’s. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-6-p-s

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Marcus Aurelius. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

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