Hypocrisy: What Is Said Matters Less Than What Is Done

[DISCLAIMER]

As a member of the Churches of Christ in 1992, I participated in Vacation Bible School events in Las Vegas, New Mexico during my summer break from high school. At one point, adults held down the boys from a children’s home in which I lived, spraying us with water from squirt guns.

Typically, non-violence was our Christian message. Yet, the adults displayed hypocrisy (a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not: behavior that contradicts what one claims to believe or feel, especially the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion).

I taught younger children and fellow adolescents in Las Vegas not to participate in violent activities, as gangs had reportedly begun to infiltrate New Mexico in the ‘90s. Yet, adults from joined church congregations thought it prudent to act out a violent scenario with toy guns.

Meanwhile, I’d befriended gang members starting in my fifth grade year. Also, one of my fellow residents in the children’s home who’s featured in the above photo was a validated gang member. As well, I continued befriending gang members through my senior year of high school.

There was (allegedly) a lot more than water guns being sprayed by my gangbanging friends. Therefore, the adults from the congregations with which I was familiar weren’t the only ones who practiced hypocrisy. Now, thinking back to that time, a book comes to mind.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Seneca who said, “Many words have been spoken by Plato, Zeno, Chrysippus, Posidonius, and by a whole host of equally excellent Stoics. I’ll tell you how people can prove their words to be their own—by putting into practice what they’ve been preaching” (page 247).

I didn’t practice what I preached as a Christian. Even though I rationalized by behavior, I was a posterchild for hypocrisy. In repetition, I preached from one side of my mouth and hypocritically negated my words out the other side. Of this, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 247):

One of the criticisms of Stoicism by modern translators and teachers is the amount of repetition. Marcus Aurelius, for example, has been dismissed by academics as not being original because his writing resembles that of other, earlier Stoics. This criticism misses the point.

If I missed the point of Stoicism, I’d unfavorably judge my past behavior. Yet, I practice REBT. Therefore, I know better than to hold accountable the adults from past church congregations, as well as myself, for hypocrisy. Of this, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 247):

Even before Marcus’s time, Seneca was well aware that there was a lot of borrowing and overlap among the philosophers. That’s because real philosophers weren’t concerned with authorship, only what worked. More important, they believed that what was said mattered less than what was done. And this is as true now as it was then.

I taught meaningful lessons when affiliated with the Churches of Christ. That behavior mattered more than whatever it was I said to myself to excuse my hypocritical actions. Now, as I draw upon Stoic wisdom, I remain aware that what is said matters less than what is done.

It’s been a couple decades since I last aligned myself with religious views. Nevertheless, my approach to REBT favors a similar perspective as my past outlook—in that I view each and every individual as merely a fallible human being. Truly, no one is perfect.

Thus, I borrow from Christian teaching when using psychoeducational lessons related to REBT. Some people may consider this a form of hypocrisy, as I remain agnostic (a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality, such as a supreme being, is unknown and probably unknowable).

Still, as a fallible human, I find meaningful instruction from a host of sources—such as Stoicism. Regarding this practice, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 247):

You’re welcome to take all of the words of the great philosophers and use them to your own liking (they’re dead; they don’t mind). Feel free to tweak and edit and improve as you like.

Adapt them to the real conditions of the real world. The way to prove that you truly understand what you speak and write, that you truly are original, is to put them into practice. Speak them with your actions more than anything else.

I no longer befriend gang members. Also, I’m no longer a member of a church. All the same, I’ve taken invaluable lessons from both of those groups, applying them to my personal and professional practice of REBT. Now, I invite you to consider a similar approach to life.

Even if you may’ve behaved in a hypocritical manner, can you find wisdom in lessons from the Stoics? Further, are you able to appreciate that what is said matters less than what is done? If so, then I applaud your current efforts to improve your life, because your past behavior matters less.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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