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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

Stop It!


Photo credit, property of Comedy Central, fair use

 

*Mad TV Bob Newhart skit spoilers contained herein

 

Season seven, episode 17 of Mad TV featured a skit with comedian and actor Bob Newhart theatrically working as a psychotherapist with a female client who discussed her irrational fear of being buried alive in a box. I recall that when the skit was released I enjoyed it quite a bit.

 

Years later, when in graduate school for counseling, a professor showed the skit to a Counseling Skills class which I attended. “This isn’t the way we interact with clients,” the professor stated, “although there will be times when you’ll want to.”

 

For context, when the client originally approaches Newhart and asks if he would like her to lie down on a sofa, in traditional psychoanalytic fashion, he informs her, “Oh no, no, no. We don’t do that anymore. Just have a seat.”

 

It was in grad school that I began focusing my studies on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a psychotherapeutic modality created by the late psychologist Albert Ellis who once practiced psychoanalysis. Thus, I appreciated the psychoanalytic snub in the skit.

 

Continuing with the informed consent portion of the skit, Newhart informs the new client that he charges “$5 for the first five minutes and then absolutely nothing after that.” Understandably, the woman expresses disbelief.

 

However, Newhart reports, “I can almost guarantee you that our session won’t last the full five minutes,” as he adds that he doesn’t accept insurance. To this day, I can appreciate Newhart’s rejection of insurance coverage, as I’ve written about why I also don’t accept it.

 

In any case, after the client explains her irrational fear of being buried alive in a box, Newhart helpfully assesses whether or not the woman has a history of having been buried alive. One never knows a client’s past experience, so asking reasonable follow-up questions can help.

 

As the client denies past experience with being buried alive, though she continues endorsing fear of such an event, Newhart responds, “I’m going to say two words to you right now. I want you to listen to them very, very carefully.”

 

As I imagine you already suspect what the two words are, given the title of this blogpost, it’s important to understand Newhart’s prescription to the client. He states, “I want you to take them out of the office with you and incorporate them into your life.”

 

This is akin to homework which I negotiate with clients. Although there’s utility in meeting with a therapist for scheduled sessions, the majority of psychotherapeutic work occurs outside of a clinical setting.

 

“Stop it!!” Newhart abruptly yells at the client. Startled, the woman asks for clarity. To that, Newhart spells it out, “S-T-O-P. New word; I-T.” Remarkably, the client responds, “So, what are you saying?”

 

For those psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, social workers, and others involved in clinical practice, I imagine the skit remains all too familiar. One can literally spell out how clients may stop disturbing themselves, though lasting and effective change doesn’t necessarily work like that.

 

Newhart laughs and then states, “You know, it’s funny. I say two simple words and I cannot tell you the amount of people who say exactly the same thing you’re saying.” Oh, how often I’ve been in that position.

 

I seek to help clients understand, believe in, and practice REBT routinely in their lives (i.e., daily). Nevertheless, it rarely fails that some people behave as though I’ve spoken an ancient dialect for which there’s no modern interpretation.

 

I’ve issued each client an REBT handout that carefully explains the modality and I’ve shared blogpost links. Also, I’ve recommended books, articles, videos, and other material, to no avail. Some people, though thankfully not most or all, behave as the client does in the skit.

 

“So, I should just stop it?” she responds. Newhart then replies, “There you go. I mean, you don’t want to go through life being scared of being buried alive in a box, do you? I mean, that sounds frightening!”

 

This is the point at which the skit hits a peak level of emotional insight. This regards two reasons. First, one can imagine that the client comprehends how self-disturbed fear reflected from the psychotherapist truly is unnecessary. Yet, this suggests only intellectual insight.

 

Merely understanding a problem isn’t the same process of attaining emotional insight whereby an individual gains deep knowledge and conviction to use psychotherapeutic principles. Simply having an “a-ha” moment isn’t enough to generate meaningful change.

 

Second, I gain emotional insight concerning how difficult it can be for a person to suffer in life as is, let alone facing additional unfavorable beliefs about a therapist’s disbelieving response. Thus, it’s unhelpful not to use an adequate amount of rational compassion when working with others.

 

The skit continues with the client attempting to explain how she believes in her inability to ‘stop it,’ because, “it’s been with me since childhood.” In true Ellis fashion, Newhart responds, “No, no, no. No, we don’t go there.” Noteworthy, Ellis is credited with having stated:

 

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

 

Unlike the psychoanalytic tradition, as an REBT practitioner, I largely focus on where a client currently is and we move forward from there. Although the past may inform one’s current beliefs, “we don’t go there” to a past that cannot be accessed in the present.

 

Humorously, Newhart attempts to terminate the session after three minutes in, charging the client only $3. Being that the client has only a $5 bill and Newhart doesn’t accept change, she requests an additional two minutes.

 

With that time, the client discloses that she has bulimia and has engaged in purging behavior. When being told to “stop it,” the client explains, “My mom used to call me ‘fatty.”

 

Newhart replies, “No, oh, no, no. No, we don’t’ go there.” To that, she responds, “But I’ve been having these dreams,” as Newhart again shuns psychoanalysis by stating, “No. We don’t go there either.”

 

Determined, the client states, “But my horoscope did say,” as Newhart interrupts by urging, “We definitely don’t go there! Just stop it!” I laughed quite a bit at the skit when I first saw it and more so in grad school.

 

Now, adding to the list of distractions some clients bring to session (i.e., I heard on TikTok…), the giggles currently take a form of rueful laughter. This skit hits close to home.

 

Self-destructive relationships, excessive hand-washing, and fear of driving are all then offered by the client. As Newhart continues demanding that she “stop it,” the woman then shouts, “You stop it! You stop it! I don’t like this. I don’t like this therapy at all. You’re just telling me to stop it.”

 

This is the point at which I’ve also arrived with some clients. In particular, when I advocate personal responsibility and accountability rather than clinging to victimhood narratives, some people stubbornly self-disturb with beliefs about how therapy should, must, or ought to function.

 

One may wonder why a psychotherapist would discuss such a matter in open forum. I think it’s important for people to understand that unlike other psychotherapeutic modalities, REBT isn’t aimed at helping people feel better. Rather, this model focuses on helping people get better.

 

In this regard, discomfort is often necessary in order to help people change their personal philosophies on life. Instead of blaming others for one’s own misery, REBT serves as a self-help style of therapy that uses psychoeducation to teach people how to “stop it” in regards to self-disturbance.

 

When seeking therapy with me, expect disputation of irrational beliefs rather than validation of the self-disturbance process. Expect discomfort. Also, prepare to get better so that you can improve your level of functioning and quality of life.

 

Concluding the Mad TV skit, Newhart instructs the client to retrieve a pad and pencil so that she may write down 10 words that may clear up his psychotherapeutic approach. He then states, “Stop it or I’ll bury you alive in a box!” Don’t expect that when seeking therapy with me.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

AEI. (n.d.). About Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/about-albert-ellis-phd/

College of Cognitive Behavioural Therapies. (n.d.). Albert Ellis, founder of REBT, in his own words. Retrieved from https://www.cbttherapies.org.uk/2022/02/09/albert-ellis-founder-of-rebt-in-his-own-words/

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Blame. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/blame

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, April 18). Homework. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/homework

Hollings, D. (2022, June 20). Insurance coverage and lengthy wait times. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/insurance-coverage-and-lengthy-wait-times

Hollings, D. (2024, May 27). Intellectual vs. emotional insight. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/intellectual-vs-emotional-insight

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing

Hollings, D. (2022, October 22). On empathy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-empathy

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 19). Rationale for homework. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rationale-for-homework

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering

Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Validation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/validation

Hollings, D. (2022, November 25). Victimhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/victimhood

Hollings, D. (2022, August 8). Was Freud right? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/was-freud-right

Mindset Revolution, The. (2022, November 16). Stop It - Bob Newhart [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/jvujypVVBAY?si=vCi-HIj5oqCAGis2

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Bob Newhart. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Newhart

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Mad TV. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_TV

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