Within comment sections of YouTube, I’ve begun noticing increasing use of the word “suffah.” Describing this term, one source states that it represents a “vicious pronunciation of ‘suffer.’ ‘It’s driving me looney! What does ‘suffah mean?’ ‘I’m not telling you. Suffah!”
Transitive verb use of “suffer” may be defined as putting up with something, especially as inevitable or unavoidable. Intransitive verb use is defined as enduring death, pain, or distress.
Arguably, all humans will suffer at some point within a lifetime. As such, suffering is as much a part of the human condition as being born, learning, the experience of emotion, maintenance of aspiration, the reality of morality, endurance of conflict, and an inevitable death.
Taking this point a bit further, I posit that not only will each individual experience suffering as a core component of existence, each of us will likely endure suffering more so than joy, pleasure, or what’s commonly understood to be positive emotional experiences.
Some people may disagree with me. After all, idealism rather than realism is valued by a number of people with whom I’ve associated throughout my lifetime. In any case, one source states of suffering:
Suffering, or pain in a broad sense, may be an experience of unpleasantness or aversion, possibly associated with the perception of harm or threat of harm in an individual. Suffering is the basic element that makes up the negative valence of affective phenomena. The opposite of suffering is pleasure or happiness.
As a thought experiment, take a moment to reflect upon your life thus far. Consider as many instances of pleasure and happiness as you can. Because no one can access your thoughts, you don’t have to worry about cultivating a façade of joy in this moment.
Unlike how you may present in social gatherings or with the performative image you carefully cultivate on social media, think about lifetime instances of pleasure and happiness. Orgasms, satiation, and an overall experience with positive emotions are what you’re considering.
Now, take this time to reflect upon displeasure and suffering. It’s okay that acknowledgement of these elements isn’t something about which one talks in polite company. I’m not judging you and you don’t have to pretend as though you don’t suffer.
Dissolution of intimate partner bonds, the death of loved ones, unmet expectations, and general experience with negative emotions are what you’re contemplating. Divide within your mind an area for positivity and one for negativity. Have you completed this exercise?
At this time, which do you consider to be the larger category? Have you endured more pleasure and happiness or displeasure and suffering? I’m willing to presume the latter, because this is the human experience. We tend to suffer more than we experience a lasting condition of happiness.
Perhaps you disagree with me, because your Pollyannaish perspective on life disallows any challenge to the notion that suffering is an irregular component of existence. In that case, you’ll eventually suffah the consequences of your unrealistic worldview.
For the rest of us, the experience of suffering doesn’t have to be something about which we self-disturb. Perhaps it’d be useful to know a little bit about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) so that you can better understand my proposal.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you accidentally spill boiling oil on your foot (Action), you may develop a second-degree burn (Consequence) – ask me how I know. Still, if you unhelpfully Believe, “That shouldn’t have happened to me,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into a saddened disposition (Consequence).
An oil burn is the result of an A-C connection. Yet, emotional suffering stems from a B-C connection. Although naturalistic world activating events have consequences, matters stemming from a psychological standpoint have largely avoidable or resolvable consequences.
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. If there were a mathematical formula for the ABC model, it would be something like: Action + Belief = Consequence ÷ Disputation = Effective new belief.
Furthermore, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Additionally, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
Where emotional suffering is concerned, people often disturb themselves with a low frustration tolerance narrative. They convince themselves that they can’t stand to suffer.
Helpfully, REBT fosters the practice of high frustration tolerance which is a method of resilience-building. In this way, I invite people to consider that although suffering is dis-pleasurable and unwanted, individuals can tolerate and accept this experience nonetheless.
Increasingly, I’ve observed people online telling other individuals to “suffah,” seemingly delighting in the unpleasant consequences of beliefs regarding the targeted entity. I recognize this as trollish behavior—seeking to evoke an unpleasant emotive experience.
Using REBT, I can help people to reduce such suffering which, in turn, may be the source of online trolls using unhelpful beliefs which cause their own suffering. Still, I don’t wish suffering upon anyone. Nevertheless, if you’d like to know more about resilience, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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