It's Gon' Have to Be Whatever

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

While I comprehend how many hip hop fans may not like the grittiness of Hypnotize Minds Productions (also known as Hypnotize Camp Posse or HCP), a group that was affiliated with Three 6 Mafia, I don’t share that view. I enjoyed HCP quite a bit during their prominence.

Particularly, I appreciated the lyrical contribution of rappers La Chat (“Chat”) and the late Gangsta Boo (“Boo”). Unlike many female emcees of the time, Chat and Boo spit bars which rivaled the hardcore content regarding any of their male contemporaries.

In any event, on Choices: The Album (2001), the fifth studio album by Three 6 Mafia, was a track entitled “Mafia”, featuring DJ Paul, Juicy J, Lord Infamous, Crunchy Black, Boo, Project Pat, and Chat. On their combined verse, Chat and Boo stated:

Hypnotize Minds be the label that pay me

Fuck you other rappers talkin’ shit, you cannot phase me

So you heard it from the queens, HCP, we be together

Fuckin’ with my family, bitch, it’s gon’ have to be whatever

In their verse, Chat and Boo advocated an inflexible absolutistic derivative of demandingness by stating “it’s gon’ have to be whatever” when someone is “fuckin’” with their family (HCP). Specifically, it’s inferred that violence was part of their “whatever” approach to the matter.

Their presumed advocacy for violence reminds me of a personal anecdote. Years ago, my late stepmom’s sister told me something to the effect of, “In a fight, you have to be prepared to do to people whatever they’re prepared to do to you, and you don’t know what they’re ready to do!”

In performative fashion, my aunt by marriage stood up, acted as though she had a spoon in her hand, and demanded, “If you in a fight and gotta spoon, use it to gauge they eyes out!” I gasped in disbelief at the mere thought of removing someone’s eyes from one’s eye sockets.

“Don’t be all scared,” my aunt encouraged me, “they may be ready to do that to you!” This unhealthy approach to violence aligns with Chat and Boo’s statement, “Fuckin’ with my family, bitch, it’s gon’ have to be whatever!” That’s a fairly straightforward and inflexible demand.

Of course, you don’t have to advocate or engage in violence of the sort. There are other flexible options, such as walking away from physical conflict. If you’d like to learn more about how to deescalate self-disturbed violence in this way, then I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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