My late stepmom used to say, “There’re three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. Only God knows the truth and He ain’t tellin’!” For many years, I thought she originated the quote.
However, according to one source, film producer Robert Evans once stated, “There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.”
Irrespective of an origin regarding the axiomatic expression, I appreciate wisdom incorporated into the expression. Noteworthy, when I speak of truth, I’m addressing the property (as of a statement) of being in accord with fact or reality.
Something else my stepmom was fond of expressing was, “Perception is reality.” Unlike her quote regarding truth, which serves as a valuable lesson for me till this day, I emphatically disagree with my stepmom’s perception regarding…well, perception.
When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I remain aware of how irrational beliefs about activating events (facts about reality) serve as content that misleads people. To demonstrate what I mean, it may be of some use to briefly describe a core REBT technique.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
As well, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Given this core technique, REBT examines how unproductive perceptions about reality cause self-disturbance of thought, mood, sensation, and behavior.
For the sake of illustration regarding this matter, consider three skits featured on one of my favorite hip hop albums of 1998, Magnum Force by classic duo Heltah Skeltah which consisted of Jahmal “Rock” Bush and the late Sean “Ruck” Price.
Also, for context, it’s worth noting that a “key” of cocaine (“coke”) represents a kilogram (“kilo”) or approximately 2.2 pounds. Depending on quality and regarding current market value, one may pay $13,000-$26,000 per kilo of coke.
As such, a loss of two keys could serve as an expensive activating event. In a Magnum Force skit entitled “2 Keys I,” Ruck calls Rock and the following conversation unfolds:
Rock: abruptly awakened Yo?
Ruck: Aye, yo, son. Man, wake the fuck up, man! Yo, son, I got beat for two keys, son!
Rock: You got beef with who?
Ruck: Two keys, son.
Rock: You got beat for two keys?
Ruck: Thas’ my word is bond, son. C’mon, son. Get yo ass downstairs. I’m downstairs right now.
Rock: ‘Aight, lemme kick this bitch out.
Ruck: Hurry the fuck up, man.
Rock: ‘Aight, I’m comin’. I’m comin’, comin’, I’m comin’. Shut up. Fuck is Blue Cheese? Why I got beef with him anyway?
Screeching tires of a vehicle are then heard as Rock presumably speeds away with Ruck. Then, in “2 Keys II,” the following conversation results:
Rock: Yo, you never did tell me, who the hell is Blue Cheese anyway?
Ruck: He ain’t no fuckin’…what’re you talkin’ ‘bout, “Blue Cheese,” man?
Rock: laughs You ain’t say that you had beef with Blue Cheese?
Ruck: I mean I got beat for two keys.
Rock: Oooooh…talkin’ to me when I’m sleep, nigga!
Ruck: I know the nigga though, son.
Rock: Fuck the nigga. I don’t give a fuck who he is. Whateva’, nigga. He beat you, he beat you. We gonna’ see that nigga. Just drive.
In a state of partial conscious awakening, what Rock originally perceived was that Ruck had a problem with someone named Blue Cheese. Rock’s perception represents one side to a story.
However, perceivably Ruck clarifies that he was beat (taken or extorted for) two keys of coke. This represents a second side to a story. Nevertheless, in the final skit regarding this matter, “2 Key III,” the audience learns the following:
Ruck and Ruck are heard confronting people
Ruck: Fuck is my two keys at, yo? Huh? Fuck is my shit at? the sound of keys—metal instruments which are used to open a lock or to start or access a mechanism—are then heard Gimme my fuckin’ keys, yo. Thas’ what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, man. *vehicle screeches off after Ruck receives his keys.
The third side to the story, one that represents truth, is that Ruck’s vehicle or home keys were taken by someone and the scenario had nothing to do with coke in the first place. As it turns out, perception wasn’t representative of reality at all.
This whimsically illustrative example illustrates how easy it is to form a belief which is based on misinterpreted information. Beit my late stepmom’s expression or that regarding Robert Evans, the fact representing reality (truth) is that there may be three sides to every story.
More importantly, my side of the issue or your side of the matter may be inaccurate. Therefore, when working with clients through use of REBT I invite people to consider the possibility that what they believe could be wrong.
Concerning this matter, in a blogpost entitled On Truth, I stated, “It’s an onerous affair to search for truth. We may spend our lifetimes never coming close to touching it. All the while, we stumble around in darkness and bewilderment while trying to discover what is factual and what is not.”
I’m posting this entry, because now that the United States presidential election season is in full swing I think people may benefit from the wisdom related to varying sides of a story or issue. Besides, the profession of politics is rife with falsehoods. All presidential candidates lie.
Rather than jumping in a car with preparedness to harm Blue Cheese, or assembling team Red or Blue for conflict with one another, taking a moment to better understand that neither partisan actor nor party may be speaking truth could be a wise move. Ultimately, perception isn’t reality.
Thus, searching for truth of a narrative or belief may be more worthwhile than unproductively reacting to inaccurate beliefs. If you’d like to know more about how to decrease your level of self-disturbance in this regard, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Freepik. (n.d.). Truth concept arrangement with a magnifier [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/truth-concept-arrangement-with-magnifier_16691257.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=7&uuid=8c250b3c-52fe-4bd3-8891-b7770528b2a2
Heltah Skeltah – Topic. 2 Keys I [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/IqBVkw5KzfM?si=KG8Wr0PBYFuBljpz
Heltah Skeltah – Topic. 2 Keys II [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/e9PnAR1NYfU?si=hpXVprHGzJ2GipCl
Heltah Skeltah – Topic. 2 Keys III [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/BbMdFYzEuaA?si=lW7xeinFCgmtPh5n
Hip Hop Wiki. (n.d.). Rock. Retrieved from https://hip-hop-music.fandom.com/wiki/Rock
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Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2024, April 24). What’s beef? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-s-beef
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Heltah Skeltah. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heltah_Skeltah
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Magnum Force. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnum_Force_(album)
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Robert Evans. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Evans_(producer)
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Sean Price. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Price
Wikiquote. (n.d.). Robert Evans. Retrieved from https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Robert_Evans
Zinnia Health Editorial Staff. (2023, September 13). How much does cocaine cost? (The street prices). Zinnia Health. Retrieved from https://zinniahealth.com/substance-use/cocaine/costs
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