That Means We Are Not Lastin'

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Significantly, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Noteworthy, with my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider mental scripts which are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason) – especially regarding events which correlate with strong feelings.

Logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts when seen as inevitable or predictable, and reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. As such, I often use syllogisms (deductive schemes of formal argument consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion).

Importantly, a syllogistic statement, proposition, or belief may be logical while simultaneously unreasonable. In this case, even though the logic consequentially follows (the conclusion is a necessary and inevitable result of previous facts or premises), it’s considered irrational.

While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Thus, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

As well, a rigid form of irrational belief results in self-disturbance (e.g., rage) while a flexible form of rational belief results in self-distress (e.g., righteous indignation). Ergo, what one thinks, feels (i.e., emotions and sensations), and behaves reveals what type of beliefs are being used.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Remarkably, natural forms of distress are tolerable (e.g., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. In particular, I invite you to consider use of a hypothetical syllogism.

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

Major premise: If I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll likely self-disturb less.

Minor premise: If I’ll likely self-disturb less, then I’ll probably have a better life.

Conclusion: Therefore, if I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll probably have a better life.

Presuming you comprehend that mental scripts may cause self-distress or self-disturbance, I now propose that Effective new beliefs can cause unconditional acceptance (UA) of one’s circumstances. Similar to the aforementioned hypothetical syllogism, I offer a healthy outcome.

For context, REBT uses UA to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to well-being, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Just as unhelpful philosophies of life cause self-distress and self-disturbance, personal philosophies which are helpful cause UA outcomes. For example, on his third mixtape Lil Uzi Vert vs. the World (2016), rapper Lil Uzi Vert released the song “Money Longer”.

On the second verse, the rapper states, “When I’m with my girl, we Pharrell and Vashtie. Wait, huh? That means we are not lastin’.” Lil Uzi Vert referenced the apparent failed relationship of Pharrell Williams and Vashtie Kola. Rather than focusing on them, I’ll use a hypothetical couple.

Suppose that persons X and Y are involved in an intimate partner relationship. Person X self-distresses (e.g., anxiousness) and self-disturbs (e.g., jealous fits of rage) when using unhelpful philosophies of life regarding the potential of person Y remaining unfaithful.

Alternatively, when enduring person X’s undesirable consequences (i.e., anxiousness, jealous fits of rage, etc.), person Y practices UA through use of helpful philosophies of life and is therefore able to thusly tolerate and accept that an inevitable end to the romantic relationship is near:

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

If person X insistently continues to self-distress and self-disturb over alleged infidelity that isn’t even taking place (p), then I [person Y] don’t see how this relationship can move forward in a healthy manner (q).

If I don’t see how this relationship can move forward in a healthy manner (q), then that means we are not lastin’ (r).

Therefore, if person X insistently continues to self-distress and self-disturb over alleged infidelity that isn’t even taking place (p), then that means we are not lastin’ (r).

This logical consideration is reasonable, and I maintain that person Y’s UA-driven personal philosophy of life is rational. Sometimes, intimate partner and other forms of relationships simply don’t work out. Arguably, this is true of most relationships (of any variety) in life.

Although one can self-distress or self-disturb about this matter, I prefer to take Lil Uzi Vert’s approach by admitting “it do[es] not matter,” as stated in “Money Longer”. Truly, there are far more pressing issues about which one can concern oneself in this limited existence.

Besides, from a Stoic view, person Y may not be able to influence person X’s behavior. Therefore, all person Y can do is control one’s own response to the unpleasant situation. If “that means we are not lastin’,” then so be it! “It do[es] not matter” in the grand scheme of things.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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