Appreciation

[DISCLAIMER]

When stationed in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), while serving in the field of military police (MP) as a United States Marine, I was provided with many moments which were worthy of appreciation (an emotional experience or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude).

For instance, in the above photo, I was a lance corporal (E-3) that was mentored by a corporal (E-4) who I’ll refer to as “Cpl. C.” Unlike some of the other MPs stationed on Camp Kinser, Cpl. C used a stern though fair, straightforward but compassionate, and selfless leadership style.

He expressed a genuine desire in my personal development as a young Marine, as well as helping me navigate a number of private matters which contributed to my personal and professional growth. Per my view, Cpl. C was an exemplary non-commissioned officer.

Having introduced me to his wife, who was also a corporal, Cpl. C demonstrated to me the patience, understanding, and level of commitment required for intimate partner relational success regarding a functional marriage while navigating the turbulent waters of MP life abroad.

While I appreciated his tireless devotion to shaping junior Marines, I don’t recall voicing it. I then left Okinawa after having been accepted for service on the Marine Security Guard (MSG) program, as Cpl. C’s wife was also assigned to the same training class in Quantico, Virginia.

Cpl. C attended this MSG graduation, expressing congratulations for my success with having made it through what was rumored to be a program with one of the highest trainee attrition rates in the Corps. It was then that I expressed appreciation for Cpl. C’s unwavering support.

When thinking about this topic, I’m reminded of a track from lyricist E-40. The joint is called “Appreciation”, from his album Poverty and Prosperity (2015), and features producer, singer, and rapper Bosko. It uses a blues-infused sample that I think provides the song with depth.

Now that I mention it, the track reminds me of Ghetto Mafia’s song “For the Good Times (Straight from the Dec)”, from their album Straight from the Dec (1997), also using blues. This song expresses appreciation “for the good times,” despite problems outlined by the hip hop duo.

Notably, Ghetto Mafia’s joint draws upon a sample and overall theme from the legendary soul singer Al Green’s song “For the Good Times”, from his album I’m Still in Love with You (1972). This track also expresses appreciation in the following manner:

Don’t look so sad

I know it’s over

But life goes on

And this world keeps on turning, yeah

Let’s just be glad

We have this time to spend together

There is no need

To watch the bridges that we’re burning

Green suggests that he and his soon-to-be former romantic interest could be “glad” (made pleased, satisfied, or grateful), despite the fact that their time together is coming to an end. To me, choosing appreciation rather than disparagement is an aspirational goal.

Moreover, I’m able to attain this objective through use of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Using the helpful tools of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA), I don’t self-disturb about fleeting moments of joy or pleasure.

Rather, I use appreciation for what once was and now is. Besides, life is impermanent and uncertain. I’d rather be glad than sad when reflecting upon times in Okinawa with Cpl. C which never again can be recreated. Regarding this matter, in the song “Appreciation”, E-40 states:

Life is finicky

You never know when you creatin’ a memory

You never know when you creatin’ an enemy

You never know when you creatin’ a frenemy

I served with frenemy MPs, yet Cpl. C wasn’t among their cohort. Also, although I was too finicky (extremely or excessively particular, exacting, or meticulous in taste or standards), Cpl. C was easygoing and taught me a lot about how to be psychologically flexible. E-40 continues:

Love ya family

Even though they can be wrong

‘Cause you gon’ miss ‘em

When ya family dead and gone

Hug and kiss ‘em

Don’t let ‘em think that they’re alone

Tell ‘em you miss ‘em

And they always welcome home

Aboard Camp Kinser, MPs were proxy members of a family. Admittedly, I didn’t love most of them. Likewise, the majority of them maintained no love for me. Nevertheless, I appreciate that Cpl. C was someone I called my “brother.” He was neither enemy nor frenemy.

Now that we’re separated through distance, one day being disconnected through death, I remain grateful (affording pleasure or contentment) for the few MPs in Okinawa whose support I gained—three of whom attended my MSG graduation—as the chorus of “Appreciation” states:

Make sure, with loved ones, don’t ever act evil

(‘Cause them yo people)

And pick up when folks tryin’ to reach you

(When folks tryin’ to reach you)

And be sure they know that you appreciate them

(Let ‘em know you appreciate ‘em, man)

‘Cause what you have can be gone in a blink

(It could be gone in a blink)

What really matters is not what you think

(It’s not what you think)

So be sure you show some appreciation

(Show some appreciation)

While “evil” can refer to being morally reprehensible (e.g., sinful), it also refers to that arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct. Regarding the latter description, I suspect that some of the MPs who supported me in Okinawa maintain that I’ve been evil toward them.

This is because I’ve lost contact with all, except one, of the Marines with whom I served—to include Cpl. C. My justification for this action is too arduous to explain in this blogpost. In any event, I use UA to tolerate and accept that connections have been severed.

After all, as stated in the chorus of “Appreciation” by Bosko, “What really matters is not what you think.” It matters very little what I believe about what other MPs have concluded about my decision to have moved on. What matters to me is that I appreciate what was and what is.

Perhaps you, too, have lost contact with people to whom you were once close. Maybe you’ve deliberately let go of them for reasons which others may perceive as unjustifiable or evil. Irrespective of the complicated details, are you able to appreciate what was and what is?

If you’re having difficulty with attaining appreciation, perhaps teetering on disparagement of past circumstances, I may be able to help. I can teach you more about the ABC model and UA so that you may (hopefully) experience gratitude regarding the past rather than condemnation of it.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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