Unhappiness Isn't Externally Caused: You Can Hoot, Hide, and Talk That Shit

[DISCLAIMER]

I’ve paid close attention to the 2026 Iran war, which some United States (U.S.) politicians still uncharitably refuse to categorize as a “war,” as there’s an ongoing global discussion about the potential for World War III (WW III). About this matter, one source states:

World War III, also known as the Third World War, is a hypothetical future global conflict subsequent to World War I (1914–1918) and World War II (1939–1945).

It is widely predicted that such a war would involve all of the great powers, like its two predecessors, and the use of nuclear weapons or other weapons of mass destruction, thereby surpassing all prior conflicts in scale, devastation, and loss of life. […]

Since the end of the Cold War in 1991, speculation about World War III has shifted toward emerging threats, including terrorism and cyberwarfare. Great power competition has been renewed between the United States, China, and Russia, sometimes termed a Second Cold War.

Various conflicts, most significantly the current phase of the Russo-Ukrainian war (2022–present), the Middle Eastern crisis (2023–present), and rising tensions over the status of Taiwan, have been perceived as flashpoints for World War III.

At present, all three “flashpoints” for WW III are widely discussed by world powers. When thinking further about an event as substantial as the Third World War, I use Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to maintain my sanity. In particular, I rely on one of its main tools.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C perspective, nuclear intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) launched from various nations (Action) could result in an extinction event (Consequence). After all, once nuclear ICBMs are launched, they can’t be recalled. That’s game over for humanity!

Still, from a B-C view, when thinking about WW III (Action) you may Believe, “Life is meaningless if it ends in an extinction event [G], and it makes me sick [L] that horrible weaponry like ICBMs exist [A], because countries shouldn’t have access to such destruction [D]!”

When using that unhelpful script, you become terrified, experience ruminating thoughts, remain fearful to the point of enduring episodes of panic, your body feels jittery, your sleep becomes impoverished, and you spend a considerable amount of time crying when awake (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

I don’t self-distress or self-disturb about the potential of WW III, as I know that I have no control or influence over global matters. Increasingly, this is a psychoeducational lesson that has become more common during client sessions as of late. Thus, a second REBT tool is worth addressing.

REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

For instance, you admit that you’re a fallible human being with the ability to control only your reaction to the potential of WW III (USA). Additionally, while you may be able to influence others not to keep speedrunning to global destruction, you can’t absolutely impact them (UOA).

As well, you acknowledge that war is inevitable regarding an impermanent and uncertain existence in which imperfect beings have access to nuclear weaponry (ULA). Therefore, you practice UA as a means of tolerating and accepting that which is beyond your ability to change.

For many of my clients, the likelihood of WW III is far too abstract than to even consider. Rather, mini-bouts of conflict are more probable concerning their day-to-day living. Of this, I’m reminded of a hip hop song.

I recall the glory days of Ruff Ryders Entertainment. When enlisted in the military, I spent a lot of time listening carefully to the record label’s artists. As an example, on its second compilation album Ryde or Die Vol. 2 (2000) was the song “WW III”.

The track featured rappers Snoop Dogg and Yung Wun, lyricists Scarface and Jadakiss, and it was produced by Swizz Beatz. On his verse, Yung Wun, stated, “You can hoot [making loud, boisterous noises], hide, and talk that shit,” presumably alluding to people who start conflict.

To be clear, happiness is defined as “an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being.” Thus, unhappiness is the absence of these elements in one’s life. Typically, this includes the presence of sorrow, discontent, dissatisfaction, and/or misfortune.

For new clients who are just starting to learn the ABC model and UA, these individuals tend to remain familiar with how other people supposedly impact them from a misperceived A-C connection. However, as one REBT source accurately states (pages 72-73):

The idea that human unhappiness is externally caused and that people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disturbances: Most people in our society seem to believe that other people and events make them unhappy and that if these outside forces were different they would not be miserable.

They think that they cannot possibly help being upset when certain dreadful circumstances occur, and that they have no control over themselves or their emotions in these circumstances. This idea is invalid on several counts:

1. Other people and events can actually do little to harm you other than physically assaulting you or (directly or indirectly) depriving you of certain tangible satisfactions (such as money or food). But, in our present society, people rarely do physically or economically assault you; and almost all their “onslaughts” consist of psychological attacks which have little or no power to harm you unless you erroneously believe that they are harmful.

It is impossible for you to be harmed by purely verbal or gestural attacks unless you specifically let yourself—or actually make yourself—be harmed. It is never the words or gestures of others that hurt you—but your attitudes toward, your reactions to these symbols.

2. Whenever you say “it hurts me, when my friends are unkind,” or “I can’t stand it, when things go wrong,” you are saying nonsense. It in these sentences refers to nothing meaningful and is purely definitional in content. What you really mean is “I disturb myself by telling myself that it is horrible when my friends are unkind” or “I tell myself that it is perfectly frightful to have things go wrong and that I can’t stand this kind of situation.”

Although the it in “it hurts me” or “I can’t stand it” seems to refer to some external event that is uncontrollably impinging on you, at most it is just a somewhat annoying act or event which becomes horrible because you make it so and which, in its own right, has little or no actual effect on you.

3. Although millions of civilized people stoutly believe that they cannot control their emotions and that unhappiness is therefore forced upon them no matter what they do, this idea is quite false. The truth is that it is difficult for most people in our society to change or control their emotions, largely because they rarely attempt to do so and get so little practice at doing this.

Or, when they occasionally do try to control their emotions, they do so in a slipshod, hasty, and imprecise way. If these people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them.

Unhappiness isn’t externally caused. Therefore, you can hoot, hide, and talk that shit without upsetting me. Likewise, others can make loud, boisterous noises toward you, hide behind anonymity on the Internet, and speak in a disrespectful manner without you upsetting yourself.

Ultimately, if you can put into practice the ABC model and UA for small-scale matters, then you can apply these same techniques to large-scale issues, such as WW III. Also, if you’d like to know more about how to implement REBT into your daily life, then I’m here to help.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), Designed by Freepik, fair use

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