To punch a window
I wasn’t stationed aboard Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan for too long when the military police (MP) officer tasked with my on-the-job training for a night received notification of an emergent situation at a local barracks room. We activated lights and sirens, and sped to the scene.
The on-duty Marine met us at the entrance and explained that a Marine was “bleeding out” a couple floors from our location. Apparently, he’d been trying to establish contact with his girlfriend, who was stateside, though she’d reportedly avoided his calls.
That is until he was finally able to make connect with her, whereupon she reportedly informed that Marine that she’d been cheating on him and wanted to end her role in the intimate partner relationship. This was a common storyline in the military.
In any case, the Marine reportedly couldn’t let go of his beliefs about the matter and instead impulsively decided to direct his anger toward a barracks room window. These details were divulged as the MP trainer, duty Marine, and I sprinted upstairs.
Arriving at the room in question, I observed the Marine subject lying on the ground in a pool of blood. Other Marines were immediately instructed to clear the crime scene by the MP trainer.
A former civilian police officer, the trainer understood what was warranted in the emergent setting. As the self-injured Marine was yelling loudly, apparently in an immense amount of pain, the trainer removed his web belt and applied a tourniquet.
I was notified to check the status of emergency medical services (EMS), note the condition of the room, and contact the MP station so that someone could notify the Criminal Investigation Division (CID) about the matter. MPs were merely first responders while CID agents conducted in-depth investigations.
As the injured Marine drifted in and out of consciousness, EMS arrived on the scene. I’d witnessed many bloody accidents by that point in my life though I was surprised at how much blood flowed from the brachial artery prior to application of the tourniquet.
The self-injured Marine was reportedly medevac’d to the nearest trauma center equipped with treating wounds of that severity. The CID agent informed the MP trainer and me that the tourniquet likely saved the Marine’s life, and that the arm would be amputated.
Laughing as a form of gallows humor, which was customary for law enforcement personnel when working gruesome scenes on the island, the CID agent joked about how the Marine would be unfavorably discharged from the Marine Corps for destruction of government property.
It was on that night that I learned about enlisted military members ostensibly serving as a form of property for the government. “Oh, I’m talking about the window damage, as well as the arm. The government owns both,” the CID agent remarked.
What otherwise may’ve been a prosperous enlistment in the Marines wound up in a self-injurious event whereby a Marine lost his girlfriend, an arm, and a career in a single event. Perhaps letting go of only the intimate partner relationship would’ve better served his interests and goals.
Strong Arm Steady
Thinking about the bloody event during which a Marine didn’t keep his strong arm steady, I’m reminded of the song “Can’t Let It Go” by hip hop group Strong Arm Steady from the 2011 album Arms & Hammers and featuring Blaqthoven. In particular, the chorus states:
I was looking out the window
Rolling up a sack of indo
Thinking about my kinfolks
I can’t let it go
What am I s’posed to do if no one answer the phone at home
And I’m gone
I can’t let it go (Can’t let it go)
From the perspective of the ABC model used in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I recognize one of the four main irrational beliefs indicated in the song and likely used by the Marine on that bloody night.
This self-disturbing attitude is known as low frustration tolerance (LFT) and is exemplified by the following unhelpful narratives:
· I can’t stand it!
· I can’t take it!
· I can’t even!
· I can’t let it go!
· This is unbearable!
· She’s intolerable!
· He’s insufferable!
· This is too much to take!
· What happened here is unendurable!
In Strong Arm Steady’s case, the title of the song is an LFT narrative and the chorus demonstrates use of this consequentially self-defeating narrative. When one uses this unproductive believe, it’s as though one genuinely believes that whatever is occurring literally cannot be endured.
In the case of the self-injurious Marine, he probably convinced himself that he literally couldn’t tolerate and accept that his loved one was apparently unfaithful and chose to reject him. Thus, his LFT attitude likely convinced the Marine that he couldn’t let the matter go.
When people unhelpfully Believe things in such a manner, there may be far worse Consequences of that assumption than effects which the Activating event ever offered. For instance, one could lose an arm and a career in addition to merely losing a girlfriend.
REBT uses Disputation of unfavorable LFT attitudes in order to discover Effective new beliefs. Although disputing irrational beliefs isn’t necessarily comfortable or easy, it’s arguably less painful than the effects of punching through a window.
One of the main objectives when challenging LFT narratives is to seek high frustration tolerance (HFT) beliefs. These are exemplified by the following helpful narratives:
· I can stand it!
· I can take it!
· I can even!
· I can let it go!
· This is bearable!
· She’s tolerable!
· He’s sufferable!
· This isn’t too much to take!
· What happened here is endurable!
Although I can’t travel back in time and prevent a young Marine from punching a window while introducing a helpful HFT narrative that may’ve better served his interests and goals, I can try to help you understand how use of adaptive new beliefs may better serve you.
If you have a hard time keeping your strong arm stead when experiencing undesirable events, perhaps practice of HFT may help you to let go of unhelpful beliefs about insignificant events like your kinfolk not answering the phone or a girlfriend cheating on and then breaking up with you.
After all, you know what’s worse than not being able to let go of unfavorable beliefs about undesirable events? Not being able to let go of anything, because you don’t retain an arm after having irrationally self-disturbed into a fit of anger and having punched a window!
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Kumar, S. (2024, July 8). Ben smashes the window with all his strength. The glass […] [Image]. Playground. Retrieved from https://playground.com/post/ben-smashes-the-window-with-all-his-strength-the-glass-shat-clydgrrtw02707fyhnc6u5dlu
LazyBlaze. (2003, March 13). Indo. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=indo
MrMEZEK. (2013, December 1). Strong Arm Steady – Can’t let it go HD [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/_Q6U9Y3Df3A?si=q9bQQW1x2HEbQtiq
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