Keep On Doing It, and I Shouldn't

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his album 3 Weeks (2019), the late Houston rapper BeatKing released the song “Keep On Doing It”. For those unfamiliar with his particular contribution to rap, BeatKing was unabashedly a strip club anthem creator who used humor on his tracks. As such, the hook states:

Oh, Lord, it gotta be something wrong with me

I just wanna fuck every bitch that I see

All I ever wanted was a SLAB and a bad bitch

Finna put all my niggas on (Hold up, hold up, hold up)

I do shit I shouldn’t do, but I keep on doing it (Hold up)

Said I wasn’t gon’ fuck that bitch, but I keep on doing it (Keep on doing it)

Said I wasn’t gon’ help these niggas, but I keep on doing it (Keep on doing it)

Said I wasn’t gon’ blow that check, but I keep on doing it (Club God)

I’ve italicized the two demandingness examples from the hook. First, BeatKing said “it gotta be something wrong with me,” indicating that something empirically has to or must be wrong with him. Given his cited evidence, it’s apparent that the rapper confused his behavior with himself.

For instance, if BeatKing said that he wasn’t going to engage in sexual intercourse with a particular woman, though he wound up doing so anyway, then his actions wouldn’t constitute his personhood. I understand that this is a challenging lesson for many people to accept.

Nevertheless, BeatKing was merely a fallible human being. He wasn’t his actions, and neither are you. Therefore, when the rapper behaved in what he considered to be a “wrong” manner, that didn’t indicate that something was wrong with him.

Ergo, it wasn’t the case that there “gotta be something wrong with” BeatKing. One may argue that fuckin’ bad bitches is wrong behavior. However, the strip club anthem creator himself wasn’t “wrong.”

Last, BeatKing stated “I do shit I shouldn’t do, but I keep on doing it.” Here, using an outright demandingness narrative, the late Houston rapper acknowledged what he preferably shouldn’t have been doing (e.g., fucking bad bitches). This is a flexible demand that isn’t irrational.

Admittedly a crude example, I hope you understand the lesson on demands that I’ve used in connection to “Keep On Doing It”. If your use of personal narratives is flexible, then maybe it’s actually the case that you shouldn’t keep on doing whatever it is you believe you shouldn’t do.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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