Gratitude: Thankful for Those Who've Helped Me

[DISCLAIMER]

“Son,” my dad said as I sat across from he and my late stepmom at a dining room table not long after graduating high school in 1995, “what’re you gonna do with your life?” I experienced a state of depression at the time, to the extent whereby suicide was considered a viable option.

Having watched a number of commercials regarding the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps, chiefly the depiction of a gallant warrior on horseback defeating a number of game pieces on a chessboard, I concluded that death in military service was preferable to death by my own hand.

“I’m gonna join the Marines,” I replied to my dad. At that, my dad at stepmom both erupted in laughter. It seemed as though they could barely contain their reactions. My stepmom then responded, “Boy, how you gon’ be a Marine when you don’t like bein’ told what to do?”

I wondered if anyone actually liked being told what to do. “Seriously,” my dad said after wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, “what’re you gonna do? Because, you were given six months from the time you moved in with us in order to figure it out. Your time is coming to an end.”

I was faced with being kicked out of their home for not having properly proceeded forward with my transition into adulthood. In my family, 18-year-olds were expected to set out on their own and with no recurring assistance from other family members.

In that moment, I had a motive other than death as a factor for joining the Marines. As a “fuck you” to my dad, whose Jehovah’s Witnesses faith forbade military service, I was determined to join out of spite (petty ill will or hatred with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart).

In my distorted view, my dad and stepmom were of no help (to give assistance or support to someone: to provide someone with something that is useful or necessary in achieving an end) regarding my interest and goal to improve my circumstance. “I’ll show them,” I thought.

Not long thereafter, I moved out, relocated, joined the Delayed Entry Program, and then attended U.S. Marine Corps Recruit Training (1996). Sporadically, when experiencing hardship in boot camp, I reminded myself, “I’ll show them!” Finally, I graduated and earned the title of Marine.

What I eventually came to admit to myself was that my dad and stepmom were actually quite helpful to me. Laughing at my plans was apparently what I needed at that time in my life. I used their undesirable response to exacerbate beliefs which then propelled my emotions and behavior.

Now, I have gratitude, which the American Psychological Association defines as “a sense of thankfulness and happiness in response to receiving a gift, either a tangible benefit (e.g., a present, favor) given by someone or a fortunate happenstance (e.g., a beautiful day).”

At a dining room table in ‘95, I was given the gift of motivation (the impetus that gives purpose or direction to behavior and operates in humans at a conscious or unconscious level). Further addressing the matter of gratitude, one source states:

Gratitude not only contributes to positive emotions, but it also leads to a reduction in negative emotions. People who are more grateful have higher levels of subjective well-being. Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships.

Gratitude may shield against depression by enhancing the encoding and recall of positive experiences. Grateful people tend to exercise greater levels of control over their environments, experience personal growth, find purpose in life, and accept themselves. They also tend to employ more constructive coping strategies when faced with life’s challenges.

When thinking of gratitude, I contemplate that for which I’m thankful (conscious of benefit received). Specifically, what I failed to understand in my early transition to adulthood is that my dad and stepmom weren’t mocking me. Rather, they were making fun of my belief.

In all sincerity, they were expressing truth about reality—that not only didn’t I dislike being told what to do, I tended to rebel against authority. What better evidence is there to support this proposition than consideration of the fact that I was eventually kicked out of the Marine Corps?

On June 11, 2003, I was subject to a special court-martial for disrespect to a senior enlisted Marine, disobeying an order, and violating another order. My sentence involved discharge from the military. Following an appeal, the sentence was upheld in 2007.

My dad and stepmom were right. They attempted to help me see truth (the property, as of a statement, of being in accord with fact or reality—something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily). However, I was too stubborn to see clearly.

I wasn’t my beliefs. Therefore, when laughing at my belief about an ability to achieve ultimate success through military service, my dad and stepmom weren’t ridiculing me. In actuality, they were trying to offer help in an appropriate manner, as they saw it.

Looking back, though I’ve since abandoned the religious and spiritual practices which my dad and late stepmom valued, I think of the album Angel (2025). Particularly, the song “Thank You” by rapper Trae tha Truth, featuring Yolanda Adams and Chance the Rapper, comes to mind.

In part, the lyrics state, “Just wanna thank you for what you’ve done (Everything). Just wanna tell you that you’re the one […] Yeah, I’m thankful. I feel grateful.” Even as those words are intended for a heavenly being, I express them toward my dad and stepmom.

They also helped me during virtually countless other instances in life. Still, the one I’ve chosen to address herein involves personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). Ergo, when authority figures laughed in my face, I took personal ownership for how I reacted.

True, I responded with self-disturbed spite. There were other rational courses of action which were also available. All the same, their response allowed me to step up and take ownership for my own outcomes in life. If I could achieve success on my own, then what couldn’t I do?

You may retort, “You were kicked out of the military. That doesn’t indicate success.” To that, I’d offer that the Department of Veterans Affairs recognizes my entire enlistment as honorable (1996-2007), as I’ve enjoyed all the benefits afforded to a veteran with my service-connection.

My undergraduate and two graduate degrees were paid for in association with my military service. I own my home outright. My car and everything I possess is also paid off. As well, I’m a small business owner. All of this was afforded to me though my service in the Marine Corps.

Arguably none of it would’ve been possible for someone with my particular temperament, had it not been for the help I received from my dad and stepmom at a dining room table not long after graduating high school. Reflecting upon that moment, yet another hip hop song comes to mind.

On his album The Pain Collector (2018), lyricist Vinnie Paz released the track “Gracious” which featured a sample from Peruvian artist Monik’s song “Thank You” (1977). On his first verse, the lyricist states with gratitude:

Yeah!

I couldn’t count all the blessings I had

My mama, happy, my son, good

What else could I ask?

I’m thankful for hard times and the lessons they pass

And I’m grateful for having answers to the questions I asked

I’m grateful for sight, I’m grateful to hear

When I was younger, I was everything I hated, I swear

I thought the world was out to get me in a state of despair

Just an egotistical asshole, my faith was impaired

I always was complainin’, and I always was the victim

It never was my fault, and it always was the system

You think the world owe you something, you wrong

And worship means sincere thankfulness to Allah

I’m thankful for the ability to say when I’m wrong

Thank you for this opportunity to play you this song

I’d like to thank every single one of y’all for riding with me

Y’all made all my dreams come true, and united with me

Yeah!

Aside from religious and spiritual connotation, I endorse the content of that verse. It’s similar to the gratitude I experience for my dad and late stepmom. I’m thankful for those who’ve helped me. Now, I think of them when steadily reading a book aligned with my mental health practice.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “Don’t be ashamed of needing help. You have a duty to fulfill just like a soldier on the wall of battle. So what if you are injured and can’t climb up without another soldier’s help?” (page 188).

I was injured during military service. Thus, I’ve relied on a lot of people to help me since my discharge from service. The added help I’ve received likely wouldn’t have been possible without first having received assistance at a dining room table not long after graduating high school.

Again, I’m grateful for my dad and stepmom. Without motivation stemming from my beliefs about their undesired actions (i.e., laughing at me), who knows where I’d be right now? (Probably dead.) Regarding gratitude of this sort, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 188):

No one ever said you were born with all the tools you’d need to solve every problem you’d face in life. In fact, as a newborn you were practically helpless. Someone helped you then, and you came to understand that you could ask for that help.

It was how you knew you were loved. Well, you are still loved. You can ask anyone for help. You don’t have to face everything on your own. If you need help, comrade, just ask.

Asking for help isn’t always easy, nor is receiving it. Sometimes, we receive undesired help that decades later may translate into a poorly written blogpost on gratitude. That was the experience with my dad and late stepmom for whom I’m grateful.

Now, I invite you to contemplate gratitude. Also, I encourage you to look beyond expected lessons on thankfulness. Are you prepared to ask for or receive help even when the process isn’t a comfortable experience? Sometimes, those uncomfortable moments just may motivate you!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Gratitude. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/gratitude

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