In 1998, during my first year of being stationed in Okinawa, Japan, Screw Theory released a mixtape entitled Screw Theory Volume 4 – The Next Millennium. The anthology featured a chopped and screwed version of the song “I’ve Been Down Too Long” by E.L. Me & The Street Products which was first released in 1992, when I was in high school.
Paired with the soulful sounds of The Staple Singers’ song “Let’s Do It Again,” the first verse of “I’ve Been Down Too Long” states:
Reality hits hard like a blow from Tyson
There’s nothin’ nice when
You lay in the streets where you used to play
You had it goin’ on but you let it all slip away
Through your fingers like a grain of sand
You kind of wish you never grew to a man
‘Cause kiddie life was so carefree
You play all day, no real responsibilities
And now you’re gown, everything comes down on you
Like the rain from the sky or some bird doo-doo
And it lays on your shoulder like a chip
And you thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had a grip.”
Like my boys rollin’ hard, drivin’ big cars
Getting’ jocked my girls, like they movie stars
But I’mma get mine but doin’ right or wrong
As long as it takes, ‘cause I’ve been down too long
In my youth, my mindset reflected that of E.L. Me’s attitude on the track. Reality hit hard in seventh grade when I was sent to live in a children’s home after years of sustained traumatic experience within my home, never again returning to live with my mom.
As E.L. Me suggests, childhood slipped through my fingers like grains of sand and by the time Screw Theory’s version of the song was released I wished I’d never grown to be a man. This wasn’t because I longed for childhood, though because I wanted to die.
Somewhat resentful for having made it past the age of 18-years-old, I maintained a grievance with life itself. Interestingly, the “chip” on a shoulder reference in the track was something with which I was familiar.
When accused of having a chip on one’s shoulder, an individual is said to have an angry or unpleasant attitude or way of behaving caused by a belief that one has been treated unfairly in the past. I’d been told by a number of people that I had a chip on my shoulder for many years.
Through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I realize that childhood trauma, abandonment in a children’s home, and not having similar resources which were made available to others wasn’t what caused a chip on my shoulder.
As the description of a chip on one’s shoulder expressly states, my unfavorable belief about unfair treatment caused my angry and unpleasant attitude. In REBT, this belief-consequence connection is represented by in the ABC model.
The ABC model illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
When in early adulthood I believed something like, “I was treated terribly in childhood and I can’t stand that I was abused.” My unproductive attitude then caused anger and resentment. Thus, I upset myself and created the experience of being down too long.
Back in the ‘90s, “being down” had different meanings. An individual who was incarcerated was said to have been down. That same person being locked away for a lengthy period of time was described as being down too long. I have friends from my youth who’ve been down too long.
As well, being down referred to loyalty or preparedness to defend a cause, like remaining ready to fight on behalf of one’s gang affiliation. My friends from adolescence were down to commit acts of violence in the name of a gang set (subcategory of a larger criminal organization).
Additionally and presumably related to the track “I’ve Been Down Too Long,” being down relates to a despondent attitude or marginalization—relegation to an unimportant or powerless position within a society or group. Many of my friends were down too long in this regard.
In any case, at the end of his first verse, E.L. Me expresses willingness to behave in a morally “right or wrong” manner while ostensibly justifying his actions due to being “down to long.” The chorus of the song repeats the phrase, “I’ve been down too long” – an expression of familiarity with suffering.
I used to repeatedly listen to the chopped and screwed version of the track in my Okinawa barracks room when reflecting on the past. The more I wallowed in misery, the larger the chip on my shoulder became.
The second verse of “I’ve Been Down Too Long” continues with E.L. Me telling of how he apparently joined a gang and engaged in violent activity. So, too, were the memories of my adolescence though I never joined or became officially affiliated with a gang.
Nevertheless, befriending gangbangers from junior- to high school, my unfavorable beliefs caused unproductive outcomes. As I sat in my barracks room with the Screw Theory album playing through stereo speakers, I thought of how fortunate I was not to have stayed down too long.
E.L. Me begins his third and final verse by declaring, “You gotta scrape the bottom ‘fore you come up, and if you stay there, it’s not ‘cause of bad luck.” He then describes the need to take personal responsibility and accountability for one’s own disposition.
That’s precisely what I wound up doing when finally getting my life in proper order. I’ve been down through incarceration, I’ve been down through friendship (though never membership) with gang members, and I’ve been down from a self-created despondent attitude and involuntary marginalization.
Nonetheless, it’s one thing to be down too long, though another matter altogether to stay down too long. Fortunately, I was able to rise above the down times – due in large part to my understanding of, belief in, and daily practice of REBT.
Perhaps you, too, have been down too long. Instead of staying down in this regard, would you like to know how to stand up, keep ten toes down, and improve your life through lasting and effective change? If so, I may be able to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
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