Better Know How to Act

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On the fifth studio album by the classic hip hop duo M.O.P., entitled Foundation (2009), is the track “Riding Through” which features rapper Redman. On the song, Redman states that “niggas better know how to act when I’m (riding through).”

An “act” refers to the process of doing something. Action of this sort is akin to behavior (the way in which someone conducts oneself). Given this perspective, Redman uses a demandingness derivative regarding how people “better [i.e., must] know how to act [i.e. behave].”

Depending on whether or not the rapper’s demand is flexible or inflexible makes a difference concerning the outcome caused by his prescription to others. For instance, he could flexibly maintain that others better know how to act when he’s riding through an area during a storm.

As an example, if outdoor conditions are favorable for lighting when Redman is riding through the area, then people flexibly better know how to act by not walking around with long metal poles. Why might this be?

Metal poles are excellent conductors of electricity, as one may be struck by lightning during a storm. Thus, the rapper’s flexible prescription in this case would be akin to a recommendatory must statement (i.e., if you want to avoid injury during a storm, then you better not act foolishly).

Alternatively, Redman could inflexibly maintain that others better know how to act when he’s riding through an area when the rapper doesn’t use REBT to un-disturb himself. Specifically, if Redman is prone to self-disturbance, then he may lose his temper when riding through.

For instance, Redman rides through an area of town while inflexibly demanding that people absolutely better know how to act by not making eye contact with him. Yet, one person who isn’t aware that this rigid prescription exists incidentally looks directly into Redman’s eyes.

When the rapper’s inflexible demand is thusly violated while riding through an area, then the outcome caused by his prescription is anger. Importantly, direct eye contact isn’t what caused the outcome. Instead, Redman’s inflexible demand generated the unpleasant consequence.

Accordingly, depending on whether or not the rapper’s demand about how people “better know how to act” is flexible or inflexible makes a difference concerning the outcome caused by his prescription to others. Understanding this flexible versus inflexible distinction is important.

Presuming you understand the difference outlined herein, I invite you to pay close attention to the beliefs and demands you use. Are you utilizing flexible or inflexible descriptions and prescriptions? One way to distinguish between these demands is by your experienced outcome.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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