In a scene from the 1998 film Blade, Wesley Snipes stated, “Some mothafuckas always tryin’ to ice skate uphill” which is an axiomatic phrase describing how certain individuals make matters harder for themselves than necessary. Since the late ‘90s, I’ve valued Snipes’s expression.
A number of times when practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with clients, I’ve humorously drew upon wisdom of the axiom when discussing how people tend to upset themselves. To better understand how this occurs, it may be useful to briefly describe how REBT works.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if try to ice skate uphill (Action), you may become fatigued (Consequence). Still, if you unhelpfully Believe, “I can’t stand this awful experience,” you’ll likely disturb yourself into an angry or sorrowful disposition (Consequence).
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. Whether or not you choose to upset yourself by making matters harder than necessary is up to you.
Additionally, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Sometimes, clients express disbelief when I inform them that I aim to help people achieve contentment rather than happiness. In fact, some individuals altogether self-disturb with unhelpful beliefs about my particular philosophical approach to psychotherapy.
Noteworthy, if a client is able to attain joy and pleasure through use of REBT, I’m glad to hear it. Nevertheless, my objective when working with self-disturbed individuals is to introduce a good enough standard of living as a baseline for behavioral health care.
Perhaps it would help to illustrate why I approach treatment and management of problems this way. Providing an illustrative example, consider the chorus of rapper Lil Skies song “Fade Away.” Lyrics include:
I tell myself to hold it down, I know I’m blessed
You goin’ through the motions, that’s gon’ be a lot of stress
Don’t let them fuck up your vibe, know you got it out the mud
Yeah, I do it for the love, know they do it just because
Remember times was hard, now we really made a way
No, they ain’t pick up my call, they won’t see me face to face
I feel like it’s fuck 'em all, they hate when you make a way
It appears as though the rapper has achieved a healthy level of tolerance and acceptance in regard to people who perceivably haven’t supported him as much as Lil Skies perhaps desires. Rather than self-disturbing with unhelpful beliefs, it seems as though the rapper has chosen to instead FADE away.
What I mean by this is that instead of ice skating uphill, which is akin to the process of upsetting oneself, Lil Skies apparently seeks contentment by accepting Frustration, Annoyance, Disappointment, and Exasperation (FADE) rather than making himself sad, mad, or fearful.
Although I imagine that Lil Skies would prefer that people answer his calls or see him face to face, he likely understands that life doesn’t function according to one’s preferences. Often, such desires feed into rigid demandingness as people lace up their ice skates and stare uphill.
Use of the ABC model and UA is a method to stop this sort of self-disturbance. Nevertheless, when I invite clients to FADE away their problems, some people reject the invitation to settle for a good enough standard that brings about contentment.
It’s as though a select number of individuals inflexibly conclude that behavioral health care must involve the pursuit of happiness. With this rigid demand, “Some mothafuckas always tryin’ to ice skate uphill.”
You don’t have to self-disturb in such a manner. Fortunately, most of my clients learn to metaphorically ice skate along flat surfaces. If you’d like to know more about how to stop upsetting yourself and let problems FADE away, I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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