Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is an active-directive form of cognitive behavior therapy that serves as the process of self-help by teaching people how to address their own issues from a humanistic perspective. I practice this psychotherapeutic modality daily in both my personal and professional life.
Noteworthy, REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful attitudes in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
While there are different methods of disputing, the current blogpost addresses what’s known as the friend dispute. Describing this tool, one source states:
Using this dispute, a therapist may ask a client something like, “What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?” The goal of this technique is to help clients see that they have the ability to generate solutions or alternative ways of thinking and problem solving. It can also help show clients that they would never think about or treat others as harshly as they do themselves.
I use this technique with clients when inviting people to consider perspectives different than their own. When recently doing so, one individual said something to the effect of, “Yeah, but that’s the thing – I can tell other people what may help them but I can’t do it when it comes to me.”
Even in this case the person admits to having an ability to consider other viewpoints. This is a substantially different experience than an individual who endures impairment regarding an actual inability to contemplate differing attitudes. (Arguably a small percent of a given population.)
Ability issues aside, the individual to whom I recently spoke inferred unwillingness to use self-help. Modifying the original statement, I suspect the person was actually suggesting, “I do tell other people what may help them but I don’t do it when it comes to me.”
What you can or can’t do versus what you will or won’t do are separate matters. Thus, I challenge clients to push through the discomfort of unwillingness to self-improve. One method of doing this is through use of the friend dispute.
Addressing this helpful dispute, page 204 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion invites REBT practitioners to consult with friends and loved ones about matters with which clients are willfully resistant in regard to rationality. In a way, this is like asking a friend to use a friend dispute with oneself.
Therefore, if an individual is willfully resistant to self-help, a reverse friend dispute may provide much needed encouragement from others when challenging unhelpful resistance. For some people, seeing firsthand demonstration of the friend dispute may be of significant benefit.
Usefully, one REBT resource illustrates the friend dispute thusly:
Imagine that your client has failed an important test and believes, “I must do well, and I am no good if I don’t.” Ask her whether she would condemn her best friend for a similar failure in the same way she condemns herself. Normally, your client will say no. If so, point out that she has a different attitude toward her friend than she has toward herself. Suggest that if she chose to be as compassionate toward herself as she is toward her friend, she would be better able to help herself solve her own emotional problems.
Even when not consulting with friends or other people, I find this form of dispute helps quite a bit in my own life even when imaging what another person may say. Perhaps next time you’re in need of rational challenge to the unhelpful beliefs you use, the friend dispute may serve your interests and goals for rational living.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
DiGiuseppe, R. A., Doyle, K. A., Dryden, W., and Backx, W. (2013). A practitioner’s guide to rational emotive behavior therapy (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/a-practitioners-guide-to-rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-d174617836.html
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-rebt-therapists-pocket-companion-d185164652.html
Hollings, D. (2024, June 14). An active-directive approach to behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/an-active-directive-approach-to-behavioral-health
Hollings, D. (2024, May 23). A humanistic approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-humanistic-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Blog – Categories: Disputation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/blog/categories/disputation
Hollings, D. (2024, May 19). Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
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Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
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Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
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Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
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Shindman, J. (2014). Stop being so mean! Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/2014/12/stop-mean/
Wirestock. (n.d.). Girls talking to each other in a park during daytime [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/girls-talking-each-other-park-daytime_12177029.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=10&uuid=8549d458-dda3-45c7-82f9-ac75e2a1edc5
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