Contrary to the myth I heard when growing up, pencils aren’t made of toxic lead. Rather, the mineral core used in these writing instruments is a relatively non-toxic substance known as graphite. Intentionally using a play on words, the current post relates to a grafight.
For context, consider a personal anecdote. When I was in either kindergarten or first grade, my mom worked overnight shifts and relied on various babysitters to watch my sisters and me. At one particular home, the caretaker was responsible for a few different sets of children.
To my recollection, she had a son who was of a similar age to me while she was also tasked with care for a little girl who was around my age, as well as sitting with my sisters and me. One evening, the little boy and I engaged in a verbal disagreement.
From what I recall, he upset himself with beliefs about how the little girl and I expressed romantic interest for one another. I can’t remember if she called me her boyfriend or if I referred to her as my girlfriend. However, what was clear is that the babysitter’s son was displeased.
We yelled at one another until the verbal argument then transitioned into a physical fight. Currently uncertain about who instigated the mutual battery, what I recall about the event is that it ended with bloodshed after the boy jammed a pencil into my forehead.
Perhaps you think it odd for me to claim that “he upset himself with beliefs.” This is where it may benefit you to understand how Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) works.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, when a graphite core was shoved into my forehead (Action), I instantly bled and to this day I retain a darkened scar at the site of the healed wound (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, a grafight involving graphite can cause injury.
Nevertheless, it wasn’t an A-C interplay that led to anger of the babysitter’s son. Psychologically speaking, the boy disturbed himself with irrational assumptions. Of course, I’m speculating as to what it was that he told himself in the moment, though I invite you to consider the following.
When the little girl expressed interest in me (Action) and the boy unproductively Believed something along the lines of, “I should be the one that she likes, because I can’t stand rejection,” then he upset himself into an angry disposition and wielded a pencil as a weapon against me (Consequence).
Aside from the ABC model, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Although I don’t have any photos of my face shortly after the grafight took place, I now contemplate what could’ve resulted had my Neanderthal-esque brow ridge not stopped the graphite attack. Indicated in the photo below is an approximation of where my darkened scar is.
Because of the boy’s B-C interplay that caused the emotion of anger and pencil-stabbing behavior, I could’ve lost an eye. Favorably, that result didn’t occur. In any case, I think this personal anecdote is a valuable psychoeducational lesson regarding the ABC model.
After all, children aren’t the only fallible human beings who upset themselves with unhelpful beliefs. When working for a criminal justice diversion program, I once had a client who committed criminal homicide by stabbing to death her roommate in regard to a snoring event.
Had she understood how REBT works, my former client could’ve retained her freedom. Primarily, could’ve disputed her unproductive beliefs about snoring. Secondarily, she could’ve unconditionally accepted that while an inconvenient experience, snoring isn’t just cause for murdering one’s roommate.
Presuming you comprehend the lesson outlined herein, how might you apply this knowledge in your own life? Will you irrationally “stabby, stab, stab, stab, stab” someone? Or will you use the techniques of rational living? The choice is yours to make.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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