Admittedly, not all people will appreciate my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). This is partially because rather than helping people feel better, I’m more interested in helping people get better.
Thus, my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) isn’t entirely compatible with the feel-good psychotherapy one may inflexibly expect as a result of having consumed social media content in which supposed psychotherapists validate their clients’ beliefs.
In fact, one of the key techniques of REBT is the ABC model which uses disputation of irrational beliefs as a core tenant of mental health improvement. In a blogpost entitled Validation, I bluntly stated regarding this matter:
Not all prospective clients will appreciate my clinical approach and I respect their self-determination to find a behavioral health care provider that will validate, validate, validate, and then validate even more. If that’s what you’re looking for, I wish you all the best!
Speculatively, people seek approval largely because we’re social creatures with evolutionary history related to collaboration with members of groups, tribes, or other collectives. Therefore, I can understand how a client may engage in approval-seeking behavior—wanting others to accept who they are and what they’ve done.
Nevertheless and further addressing this matter, page 180 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion encourages REBT practitioners to reinforce client change-directed behavior though to guard against “reinforcing their need for approval.” Truly, clients don’t need my approval.
For context regarding this approach to mental health care, consider what the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT, stated in regard to approval-seeking (validation):
Things get much more complicated, of course, if you unduly care about what other members of the group think of your behavior. For if you feel overconcerned about having the group members think well of you, you will lean over backward to do what they want you do instead of what you want to do yourself. Then you will tend to hate yourself for acting like a milksop and hate them for witnessing this act. Or else you will do what you mainly do—and then worry inordinately whether they still like you for doing it.
Such an inordinate degree of caring for the approval of others constitutes a form of neurosis. But even without such neurotic feelings and actions on your part, the careful discriminations you keep making between what you would like to do and what you’d better do in group situations prove difficult to make and lead to somewhat discouraging results. For you want what you desire. And you also want others to feel comfortable in your presence and to approve your behavior—quite apart from any neurotic needs for approval that you may have. You feel constantly torn, therefore, between two conflicting desires, and can hardly permanently resolve this conflict.
One of my main roles when practicing REBT is to dispute irrationality. In turn, a neurotic quest for approval-seeking may subsequently reinforce one’s self-disturbing beliefs regarding poor global ratings of self.
In essence, my challenge to beliefs may result in a client developing further beliefs about perceived disapproval. Therefore, I openly invite clients to consider that there’s no need for approval when working with me.
I won’t approve of irrational beliefs and clients do need my approval in the first place. For those individuals who unhelpfully value continued validation and rigidly require such behavior from their mental health care provider, their beliefs about my behavior won’t yield pleasant consequences.
If my approach to mental health care isn’t something in which you’re interested, wonderful! At least you know what you’re looking for. On the other hand, if you’re prepared to challenge unproductive beliefs and you understand there’s no need for approval, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
AEI. (n.d.). About Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/about-albert-ellis-phd/
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378
Ellis, A. and Harper, R. A. (1975). A new guide to rational living. Wilshire Book Co. Retrieved from https://archive.org/details/newguidetoration00elli
Freepik. (n.d.). People high-fiving each other while training outdoors [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/people-high-fiving-each-other-while-training-outdoors_65353056.htm#fromView=search&page=2&position=0&uuid=102d17b5-4606-4ac0-929f-ab46bfda5e9a
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Self-determination and autonomy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-determination-and-autonomy
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Validation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/validation
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