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  • Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

The 'F' Word

 

 

·  Demandingness (e.g., I must do well)

 

·  Awfulizing (e.g., it would be awful not to do well)

 

·  Low frustration tolerance (e.g., I can’t stand not doing well)

 

·  Global evaluations (e.g., if I don’t do well, I’m worthless)

 

One of the problems with use of these self-disturbing beliefs is that they operate on the framework of rigidity—the inability to be changed or adapted. Therefore, when working with clients who use these unproductive beliefs, I invite people to use the ‘f’ word.

 

No, not that ‘f’ word! I’m talking about flexibility, per page 130 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Adjusting the rigid structure of the provided examples, consider these flexible adaptations:

 

·  I would like to do well though if I don’t, I’ll be fine.

 

·  Although I don’t prefer to underperform, it isn’t the worst thing ever to happen to me when I don’t.

 

·  Not doing well is something I’m used to, given a lifetime of my fallible nature, so I can tolerate and accept not doing well.

 

·  When I don’t do well, my underperformance doesn’t mean my life has no value.

 

Learning to ‘f’ the shit outta our bullshit beliefs can go a long way! If you’d like to know more about how to stop disturbing yourself in this regard, I’m here to help.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Benzoix. (n.d.). Two shocked africanamerican man woman widen eyes concerned terribly sorry press palms mouth gasping [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/two-shocked-africanamerican-man-woman-widen-eyes-concerned-terribly-sorry-press-palms-mouth-gasping_36264736.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=13&uuid=226187ce-d094-4116-aa03-5538cbaafc82

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2022, November 4). Human fallibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/human-fallibility

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2023, September 20). No B.S. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/no-b-s

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tna

Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat

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