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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

The Ghost I Used to Be

 

Recently, I visited friends and discussed the upcoming 2024 United States (U.S.) presidential election, reasons why I don’t vote, my upbringing under the teachings of Jehovah’s Witnesses, my current agnostic views, and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

 

As a requisite disclaimer, I don’t participate in the voting process. This is partially due to the religious teachings up with which I was raised. Moreover, I acknowledge that the ethereal doctrine taught to me in my youth wasn’t rational—in accordance with logic and reason.

 

Nevertheless, I was instructed that obedience to governing authorities was virtuous (Romans 13:1) while at the same time being informed that governments of the world would rise against righteousness (Revelation 19:19). Thus, I was taught to obey authority though to exercise caution regarding governmental rule.

 

Discussing this matter with friends recently, I admitted that while I no longer subscribe to religious or spiritual faith I retain a seemingly intuitive aversion to active participation in government structures. This likely has something to do with my former occupational path.

 

As a matter of self-disclosure, I previously worked with or for the U.S. Departments of Defense, State, Energy, and Veterans Affairs. Additionally, I’ve augmented the U.S. Departments of Justice and Homeland Security, as well as the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

 

Additionally, I readily acknowledge that my role as an REBT practitioner contradicts my allusion to intuition. For clarity, one source states:

 

Rationality, grounded in logic and reasoning, entails a systematic approach to decision-making. It involves weighing pros and cons, analyzing data, and making choices based on careful deliberation. Cognitive psychology heavily influences this method, which seeks to understand how people perceive, think, and make decisions.

 

On the other hand, intuition operates on a different level, tapping into our subconscious and emotions. That “gut feeling”, or instinctual response, guides us without conscious thought. Intuition often draws from past experiences, heuristics, and emotional cues, allowing quick decision-making in complex situations.

 

In any case, I once believed in religious and spiritual concepts though looking back, that’s the ghost I used to be. Having worked in and with government entities, to include military service from 1996 to 2007, I now want little-to-no involvement with government structures.

 

Further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of the 2016 album The Cornerstone of the Corner Store by lyrist Vinnie Paz. Featuring soulful vocals of Eamon, the second verse of Paz’s song “The Ghost I Used to Be” states:

 

You see, I prayed on things and then I preyed on y’all

My attempt was to never get paid off y’all

When I was young, I saw politicians of all stripes

But all I saw was lies in they eyes, and that’s not right

I said, “When I get older, I’m going to change shit”

Take the welfare system and rearrange shit

Years later, I’m quietly moving up the ladder

Trying hard, realizing that it doesn’t matter

My wife told me, “Baby, money doesn’t buy elections

Money doesn’t buy votes, it just buys attention”

I kissed her on the head and told her she was right

But she couldn’t understand and see the coldness of the plight

Couldn’t understand why it’s so cold for me at night

‘Cause political bribery just hold me in a vice

But there’s always implicitly some string that’s attached

By a muh’fucker think he got wings on his back

You ain’t an angel, pop, you working for the Devil

The nightmare of money, the league with bigger rebel

I did all of you dirty, so I should’ve gone to jail

I took your fucking government and put it up for sale

Look, American democracy has been hacked

By the corrupt paradigm; that’s a supreme fact

And every word that I said in this song

I’ve been working for the Devil too long, and now I’m gone

 

In my opinion, Paz appropriately sums up the case regarding a corrupted democratic republic process of the U.S. Corporate influence over political and governmental structures is arguably devilish (diabolical), even though I mean that figuratively and not literally.

 

The ghost I used to be was cautious of governmental structures. Then, I worked for and with the figurative Devil through various departmental entities. Although a subjective assessment, I concur with Paz’s summation in regard to a “corrupt paradigm” of U.S. government structures.

 

After I’d “been working for the Devil too long,” I returned to my cautious perspective. This was the matter recently discussed with friends. Thankfully, people in my inner circle don’t maintain rigid and unhelpful demands of me concerning politics.

 

Also, not all of my friends and loved ones vote. For those who do, I don’t inflexibly require them to conform to my beliefs. Even still, I don’t believe they can vote themselves out of oppression into which they didn’t vote themselves. Vote harder, I suppose.

 

Nevertheless, my friends and I retain the ability to surprisingly agree about a number of issues, respectfully disagree in regard to other matters, and remain indifferent or mildly concerned with all other sociopolitical topics. For this, I’m grateful.

 

After all, I’m aware that not everyone within this country enjoys a similar experience. Increasingly, I’ve been contacted by clients in regard to sociopolitical subjects people reportedly can’t discuss with anyone within their inner circle or concerning parasocial relationships (i.e., social media).

 

Furthermore, as was the case with the 2020 U.S. presidential election season, I’ve had some people voice intolerance of sociopolitical beliefs contrary to theirs. When a number of individuals realize that I don’t vote, I’m then labeled as “part of the problem.”

 

To that, I quote Matthew 16:23: “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” I’d been working for the Devil too long when in government and the ghost I used to be resurfaces from time to time.

 

Intuitively, I remain skeptical of governmental structures. Rationally, I know not to disturb myself with irrational beliefs about other people’s attitudes regarding my decision not to vote. Daily practice of REBT helps me to keep a level head and may do the same for you.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Accelerate Management School. (n.d.). The science of decision-making rationality vs. intuition. Retrieved from https://acceleratemanagementschool.co.za/business-management/the-science-of-decision-making-rationality-vs-intuition/

Discogs. (n.d.). Vinnie Paz – The Cornerstone of the Corner Store. Retrieved from https://www.discogs.com/release/9268567-Vinnie-Paz-The-Cornerstone-Of-The-Corner-Store

Eamon [@EamonOfficial]. (2017, July 19). “Ghost I Used To Be” shoot. Vinnie Paz feat. Eamon, coming soon [Post]. X. Retrieved from https://x.com/EamonOfficial/status/887765798957273092

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2022, November 13). Civic duty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/civic-duty

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 1). Don’t tread on me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/don-t-tread-on-me

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2024, July 7). Heuristics. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/heauristics

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2022, November 10). Labeling. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/labeling

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Legal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/legal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, June 9). Logical relation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logical-relation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2024, July 2). “Our democracy.” Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/our-democracy

Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2024, April 25). Spreading word. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/spreading-word

Hollings, D. (2024, February 6). This ride inevitably ends. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-ride-inevitably-ends

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Hollings, D. (2022, August 8). Was Freud right? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/was-freud-right

Vinnie Paz. (2017, August 17). Vinnie Paz feat. Eamon “The Ghost I Used to Be” [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/3ipa4JnntQ0?si=hO7p4rPw3lXfsF4M

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Eamon (singer). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eamon_(singer)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Vinnie Paz. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vinnie_Paz

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