Trade Your Egotism in for Stoicism

[DISCLAIMER]

I recall being raised under the auspices of religious dogma. In fact, my parents encouraged me not to value narratives from scientists and others who countered what I was taught. Later in adulthood, I paid close attention to people like the late astronomer Carl Sagan who once said:

The surface of the Earth is the shore of the cosmic ocean. On this shore, we’ve learned most of what we know. Recently, we’ve waded a little way out, maybe ankle-deep, and the water seems inviting.

Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return, and we can, because the cosmos is also within us. We’re made of star stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.

Sagan’s perspective suggests that humans aren’t separate from the universe, but rather an integral part of it, intimately linked to its history and evolution. This view isn’t entirely different from what I was taught about a divine Creator of the cosmos and the role of humankind’s existence.

Whether from the outlook of my religious foundation, or the viewpoint of scientific formulation, I’ve learned not to place too much emphasis on excesses of the ego. Defining this term, the American Psychological Association states:

1. the self, particularly the conscious sense of self (Latin, “I”). In its popular and quasi-technical sense, ego refers to all the psychological phenomena and processes that are related to the self and that comprise the individual’s attitudes, values, and concerns.

2. in psychoanalytic theory, the component of the personality that deals with the external world and its practical demands. More specifically, the ego enables the individual to perceive, reason, solve problems, test reality, and adjust the instinctual impulses of the id to the demands of the superego.

Perhaps due to ignorance, I think a lot of people misunderstand the function of the ego. For clarity, one source states of the id, ego, and superego concept of psychoanalytic theory:

Broadly speaking, the id is the organism’s unconscious array of uncoordinated instinctual needs, impulses and desires; the superego is the part of the psyche that has internalized social rules and norms, largely in response to parental demands and prohibitions in childhood; the ego is the integrative agent that directs activity based on mediation between the id’s energies, the demands of external reality, and the moral and critical constraints of the superego.

[Sigmund] Freud compared the ego, in its relation to the id, to a man on horseback: the rider must harness and direct the superior energy of his mount, and at times allow for a practicable satisfaction of its urges. The ego is thus “in the habit of transforming the id’s will into action, as if it were its own.”

Given this perspective, the ego balances morals (of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior) and ethics (principles of conduct governing an individual or a group) in relation to the chaos of the id and pretentiousness of the superego. Thus, one may argue that the ego is healthy.

When growing up, I was cautioned about the perils of egotism (excessive conceit or a preoccupation with one’s own importance) rather than the significance of ego death (complete loss of subjective self-identity). This is where my religious and scientific lessons have aligned.

From a religious perspective, I was taught not to excessively preoccupy myself with notions of my own importance. Similarly, regarding Sagan’s outlook, I understood that I wasn’t as individualized as I may at times believe, because all life is said to be interconnected.

In this way, a psychoanalytic concept of the ego functions to balance what otherwise would unfold if egotism was used as my main concept of self. The former is a system of checks and balances while the latter is self-absorbed. Do you understand the distinction addressed herein?

Presuming you do, I invite you to also consider the main psychotherapeutic modality I use in my personal and professional life, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), as this model incorporates principles of Stoicism. Regarding this philosophical approach, one source states:

Except to the most avid seekers of wisdom, Stoicism is either unknown or misunderstood. To the average person, this vibrant, action-oriented, and paradigm-shifting way of living has become shorthand for “emotionlessness.”

Given the fact that the mere mention of philosophy makes most nervous or bored, “Stoic philosophy” on the surface sounds like the last thing anyone would want to learn about, let alone urgently need in the course of daily life.

It would be hard to find a word that dealt a greater injustice at the hands of the English language than “Stoic.” In its rightful place, Stoicism is a tool in the pursuit of self-mastery, perseverance, and wisdom: something one uses to live a great life, rather than some esoteric field of academic inquiry.

I incorporate daily practice of Stoic philosophy in my own time and when working with clients. As an example, I continually remind myself and others that death is always a possible outcome of each moment. For instance, I tell myself and others “memento mori” – we must die.

Do you comprehend the lessons I’m advocating? Thus far, I’ve discussed my former religious perspective, an evolving scientific outlook, and the current philosophical viewpoint I use. In consideration of the fact that I value Stoicism over egotism, I’m reminded of a hip hop song.

On the 2025 album Diamond Cut by Spit Gemz and Ciecmate, the track “Thousand Yard Stairs” was released and features Eff Yoo. On the song, Eff Yoo states, “Trade your egotism in for Stoicism,” which means to shift from a self-centered view to one guided by Stoic principles.

Per the teachings of my religious foundation, humanity is interrelated. In a Sagan-esque way, each of us is interconnected. This is the antithesis of egotism, as one who trades self-importance in for Stoicism may eventually learn. For instance, as stated by ancient Stoic Seneca:

No school has more goodness and gentleness; none has more love for human beings, nor more attention to the common good. The goal which it assigns to us is to be useful, to help others, and to take care, not only of ourselves, but of everyone in general and of each one in particular.

Whether each of us is a child of God, we’re made of star stuff, or we aim to try to take care of others through the implementation of Stoic principles, my life has been most meaningful when trading in egotism for Stoicism. Are you prepared to make a similar exchange?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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