When Conditional Musts Can Serve You Well

[DISCLAIMER]

Addressing one form of self-upsetting belief recognized in literature for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I stated in a blogpost entitled Conditional Should Beliefs that “conditional should beliefs are often inflexible, irrational, and self-defeating assumptions which are worth challenging, because they cause self-disturbance when one’s conditions aren’t met.”

When practicing REBT, these types of unproductive conditional beliefs often present in the form of should, must, and ought-type self-narratives. Also, derivatives of these assumptions reflect statements such as I have to…, you gotta…, and life better…

Self-disturbing conditional musts tend not to serve one’s interests or goals well. Using the ABC model of REBT, I’ll briefly illustrate this self-upsetting process. Bear in mind that in order for a belief to be considered rational it empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. If your belief is illogical, unreasonable, or both, it’s considered irrational.

As an example, imagine that you’ve applied to a university and subsequently received a rejection letter (Action). It’s natural for people to mistakenly presume that an Action-Consequence connection exists. For instance, you receive a rejection letter (Action) and as a result you’re sad (Consequence).

However, REBT theory maintains that people disturb themselves when using a Belief-Consequence connection. Thus, you receive a rejection letter (Action) and unfavorably Believe, “If I want to have value, then I must be accepted by this university.” Because of your conditional if-then must Belief, you experience sadness (Consequence).

When using psychoeducation about self-disturbance, I often deconstruct the logic and reason (or lack thereof) used to comprise a person’s unaccommodating belief. This is done through use of a syllogism. For instance, consider the following conditional must syllogistic example:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If I want to have value, then I must be accepted by this university.

I want to have value.

Therefore, I must be accepted by this university.

This conditional must belief follows logical form. However, it’s unreasonable. In particular, the assumption is that one has no value whatsoever unless the individual is accepted by a university. This form of global evaluation, or negative self-appraisal, discounts the worth of a person as anything other than a student.

Although you may be principally skilled at test-taking and essay-writing, might you have worth in other areas of your life? Maybe you’re valued as a friend, spouse, child, neighbor, employee, or as the sole individual who acknowledges the produce worker on your weekly trip to the grocery store. Is it possible that your entire worth isn’t predicated on acceptance to a university?

Conditional musts tend not to serve you well when these beliefs aren’t rational. Alternatively, there are some conditional musts that can serve you well. For instance, consider what one REBT source has to say in regard to this matter (page 60):

REBT, then, shows how you upset yourself with absolutistic shoulds, oughts, and musts. It holds that you can nicely hold conditional and logical musts—such as, “If I want to read this book, I must buy or borrow a copy.”

And: “If I want to get a degree at college, I must get passing marks in my required subjects.” For these conventional musts merely say, “If I want something, then I have to act properly to get it.” This kind of must is (though not always) realistic and helps you to act sensibly.

REBT accepts your realistic musts but shows you how to look for your unconditional and illogical musts. Such as: “Even if I can’t get a copy of this book, I still must read it.” And: “Although I have not passed any college courses, because I strongly want a degree they should give it to me!”

Conditional musts can serve you well if they’re logical, reasonable, and flexible. In closing, if you want to stop disturbing yourself, then you recommendatorily must stop using unproductive conditional must beliefs. Ergo, you may then satisfy your interests and achieve your goals.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

Ellis, A. (2006). How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything --Yes, anything! Revised edition. Kensington Publishing Corp. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/how-to-stubbornly-refuse-to-make-yourself-miserable-about-anything-yes-anything-revised-and-updated-edition-9780806536538-0806536535.html

Freepik. (n.d.). Thoughtful woman with copy space [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/thoughtful-woman-with-copy-space_6210357.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=4&uuid=c3d0233c-c1ca-496d-8464-695e8ca93354&query=thoughtful

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