Get Over Any Fear, You Have to Face It

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

I recently came across an electronic dance music (EDM) track – drum and bass, to be specific – which features rapping from children. The song, produced by GMCBeats, is “The Spark” by Kabin Crew and Lisdoonvarna Crew. Regarding the tune, one source states:

“The Spark” is a song by the Irish children’s hip hop groups Kabin Crew and Lisdoonvarna Crew. It was first released as a music video on 16 May 2024 by Creative Ireland—an Irish government organization that organizes Cruinniú na nÓg, an annual day dedicated to children’s creativity—and later released as a single onto streaming platforms by Rubyworks Records on 13 June 2024.

Although I’m no seasoned connoisseur of children’s creative musical efforts, I haven’t heard many independent songs from minor-aged people which I actually enjoy. However, “The Spark” is a certified banger of a track, in my opinion. Those kids went off! (To all, well done!)

Noteworthy, a couple lines from the song state, “If we see a dream, you know we’re gonna chase it! (Yeah!) So, get over any fear, you have to face it! (Go on, kid!)” Given your newfound knowledge of the ABC model, what type of demandingness is used in this context?

I argue that the child’s assertion is a clear example of a flexible demand. Chasing dreams is good and well. Yet, I’m more focused on the facing of one’s fears. Of the latter, the child essentially advocates ‘if you want to get over any fear, then you recommendatorily should face it!’

This is precisely the approach to fear regarding an REBT shame-attacking exercise. Once an individual’s core disturbing belief is discovered and disputed (e.g., I absolutely mustn’t face my fears, because I couldn’t stand to fail), then homework is negotiated for in vivo exposure.

The individual is then encouraged to go into the world and discover whether or not a rigid demand along with a low frustration tolerance narrative is valid or not. While it may not be pleasant, comfortable, or easy to face fear, it’s likely that a person actually can do it!

This is a matter of building high frustration tolerance. And such an outcome is fostered by facing one’s fears—especially through discovery and disputation of unproductive beliefs, and by actively exposing oneself to evidently frightening events. That’s “The Spark” of un-disturbance!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM and hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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