You May Be the Very Source of the Disaster You So Fear

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

In The Daily Stoic, authors quote Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate” (page 53). Fear is an unpleasant, often strong, emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.

Fate is the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are, or events to happen as they do. About fateful fear, authors of The Daily Stoic continue (page 53):

Only the paranoid survive,” Andy Grove, a former CEO of Intel, famously said. It might be true. But we also know that the paranoid often destroy themselves quicker and more spectacularly than any enemy.

Seneca, with his access and insight into the most powerful elite in Rome, would have seen this dynamic play out quite vividly. Nero, the student whose excesses Seneca tried to curb, killed not only his own mother and wife but eventually turned on Seneca, his mentor, too.

When contemplating fateful fear, as described here by authors of The Daily Stoic, do any examples come to mind from your personal life? Have you ever known anyone who was so paranoid of others or circumstances that the person brought to ruin one’s own success?

Intentionally foregoing any discussion of my professional sphere, as there are many such examples from which to draw comparison, someone from my personal sphere comes to mind. That individual is me. Allow me to briefly explain.

By the time I entered graduate school for counseling, I’d already been kicked out of the military, experienced divorce, been fired from a number of jobs, and had a string of failed relationships of various types trailing behind me. There was one common denominator with all this: me.

For reasons upon which I won’t expound herein, I volunteered for a professor so that he could demonstrate his psychotherapeutic technique to combined classes in an auditorium. He didn’t hold back at all! Unexpectedly, the counseling professor cut right through my defenses.

In front of my educational peers, the professor illustrated to me that my fear of losing connection with people, places, things, and situations was what caused repeated failure in my life up until that point. Essentially, unbeknownst to me, I’d self-sabotaged regarding irrational fear.

That demonstration played a major role in my decision to commit to learning more about REBT. Now, when thinking of an example from your own life, did you come to mind when I posed the original questions? If so, consider that authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 53):

The combination of power, fear, and mania can be deadly. The leader, convinced that he might be betrayed, acts first and betrays others first. Afraid that he’s not well liked, he works so hard to get others to like him that it has the opposite effect.

Convinced of mismanagement, he micromanages and becomes the source of the mismanagement. And on and on—the things we fear or dread, we blindly inflict on ourselves.

Even if you imagined someone other than yourself when I proposed the questions about fateful fear, I suspect that you likely have some experience with a supervisor or manager described by authors of The Daily Stoic. A number of senior Marines from my military service come to mind.

As an example, when I was a lance corporal (E-3) a corporal (E-4) summonsed me to an office in which a staff sergeant (E-6) was seated. The corporal had written “HMFIC” on a whiteboard. When asked if I knew what the acronym meant, I responded in the negative.

“That means head motherfucker in charge,” barked the corporal. Apparently, he thought that yelling at me about a written acronym would garner respect. In fact, it had an opposite effect. His mismanagement of our platoon culminated in that fateful moment. He appeared cowardly.

Alternatively, there was a brave sergeant (E-5) who didn’t seem afraid of his troops and who took time to mentor Marines. I would’ve gladly followed him into a combat situation, burning building, or other dangerous environments. Thus, he was someone whose leadership I admired.

Considering whoever it is about whom you thought when I posed the original questions, and contemplating my own examples herein, are you aware that there’s something useful that can be done in regard to fateful fear? For instance, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 53):

The next time you are afraid of some supposedly disastrous outcome, remember that if you don’t control your impulses, if you lose your self-control, you may be the very source of the disaster you so fear. It has happened to smarter and more powerful and more successful people. It can happen to us too.

If you no longer want to become (or be) the very source of disaster you so fear, intertwining your fate with repeated failures, then I invite you to diligently practice REBT. If you’d like to know more about how this is done, then I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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