Asocial Togetherness: Me, Myself, and I

[DISCLAIMER]

One of my favorite subgenres of electronic dance music (EDM) is French house. Within this category is the duo Together, consisting of DJ Falcon and Daft Punk member Thomas Bangalter. Regarding Together’s debut single “Together” (2000), one source states:

[The song] “Together” begins with a short segment of speech from the film Pleasantville [1998]. The line “A time has come to make a decision: are we in this thing alone, or are we in it together?” [used as an introduction to the track] appears in the bowling scene of the film.

The main vocals in the song, consisting of the word “Together” looped ad infinitum, are a sample of Sweet Sensation’s “Sincerely Yours”. The background vocals, also the word “Together” looped, were sampled from Slave’s “Because of You”. The bassline was interpolated from the Beverly Hills, 90210 theme song.

For over a quarter of a century, I’ve enjoyed “Together”, despite the fact that I prefer relative isolation. For context, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines the term “asocial”:

1. declining to engage, or incapable of engaging, in social interaction.

2. lacking sensitivity or regard for social values or norms.

Although I’m capable of engaging in social interaction, I generally decline to do so while eschewing regard for social values and norms. This isn’t the same quality as that relating to “antisocial” which the APA thusly defines:

[D]enoting or exhibiting behavior that sharply deviates from social norms and also violates other people’s rights. Arson and vandalism are examples of antisocial behavior.

While I may or may not have engaged in antisocial behavior in my youth, I haven’t exhibited such maladaptive behavior in many years. Quite frankly, when growing up, I grew out of my former nonadaptive behavioral patterns. Thus, I’m more asocial than antisocial at present.

In any event, I like the theme of “Together” even as I generally shun togetherness (the quality or state of being or belonging together or of forming related parts of a unified whole). When further contemplating this topic, I’m reminded of a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Increasingly, I find that commentary offered by Holiday and Hanselman isn’t useful to me. Still, I appreciate that they’ve taken time to offer quotes from major Stoic philosophers. As an example, the authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 224):

Whenever you have trouble getting up in the morning, remind yourself that you’ve been made by nature for the purpose of working with others, whereas even unthinking animals share sleeping. And it’s our own natural purpose that is more fitting and more satisfying.

I can appreciate Aurelius’s perspective, even though I disagree with the inference that all humans are social creatures. For example, I live alone, deliberately leave my home only one or two times a week, and maintain physical contact with others a handful of times per year.

Still, I’m a counselor and social worker by trade—working with others in an attempt to try to help them improve their mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). This lifestyle works well for “introversion” which the APA thusly defines:

[O]rientation toward the internal private world of one’s self and one’s inner thoughts and feelings, rather than toward the outer world of people and things. Introversion is a broad personality trait and, like extraversion, exists on a continuum of attitudes and behaviors.

Introverts are relatively more withdrawn, retiring, reserved, quiet, and deliberate; they may tend to mute or guard expression of positive affect, adopt more skeptical views or positions, and prefer to work independently. [concept originated by Carl Jung for the study of personality types].

After having had my employment terminated for most positions I’ve ever held, I eventually realized that my asocial introversion was something I’d unconditionally accept rather than continue denying. Besides, I don’t tend toward “extraversion” which the APA thusly defines:

[O]ne of the elements of the Big Five and five-factor personality models, characterized by an orientation of one’s interests and energies toward the outer world of people and things rather than the inner world of subjective experience.

Extraversion is a broad personality trait and, like introversion, exists on a continuum of attitudes and behaviors. Extraverts are relatively outgoing, gregarious, sociable, and openly expressive. Extraversion is also one of the three personality dimensions in Eysenck’s dimensions.

For context, my Big Five score for extraversion places me in the 40th percentile (typical of an average range for the general population). Therefore, I’m not entirely withdrawn. While I enjoy social contact in intimate settings, I usually prefer being alone. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Thinking more about this matter, I’m reminded of the classic hip hop album 3 Feet High and Rising (1989) by trio De La Soul (lyricists Kelvin “Posdnuos” Mercer, David “Trugoy the Dove” Jolicoeur [“Dove”], and Vincent “Maseo” Mason). They’re one of my favorite hip hop trios!

On their anthology is the track “Me Myself and I”, produced by Prince Paul, which regards independence from social norms or expectations. Concerning the first verse, Dove states:

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Tell me, mirror, what is wrong?

Can it be my De La clothes

Or is it just my De La song?

What I do ain’t make-believe

People say I sit and try

But when it comes to being De La

It’s just me, myself, and I (Say it now)

My interpretation of the lyrics is that the lyricist has been criticized by others for not fitting in. Nevertheless, he unconditionally accepts himself as he is. Therefore, if Dove is perceived as an outcast, then he’s content with a lifestyle in which it’s just “me, myself, and I.”

Of course, this asocial perspective is somewhat ironic, because the lyricist is one-third of a classic hip hop trio that has enjoyed much success around the globe. In this way, Dove participates in asocial togetherness from his introverted perspective.

Similarly, I prefer a “me, myself, and I” way of life. Simultaneously, I appreciate working with others in individual client sessions as a psychotherapist. Per Aurelius’s view, I’m fulfilling my natural purpose which is more fitting and more satisfying than a life of complete solitude.

Perhaps you’ve been chastised for not fitting in, not being social, not valuing societal norms, and so forth. Do you unconditionally accept yourself as is—even if that means asocial togetherness is an inevitable outcome? If not, then I may be able to help you accept what simply is.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM and hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), photo credit (edited), fair use

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