Cultivating Character... Right Now

[DISCLAIMER]

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines character as “the totality of an individual’s attributes and personality traits, particularly their characteristic moral, social, and religious attitudes. Character is often used synonymously with personality.”

In common parlance, character relates to the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation. Regarding the APA’s allusion to personality as a synonym of character, this term is thusly defined by the Association:

[T]he enduring configuration of characteristics and behavior that comprises an individual’s unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self-concept, abilities, and emotional patterns.

Personality is generally viewed as a complex, dynamic integration or totality shaped by many forces, including hereditary and constitutional tendencies; physical maturation; early training; identification with significant individuals and groups; culturally conditioned values and roles; and critical experiences and relationships.

Various theories explain the structure and development of personality in different ways, but all agree that personality helps determine behavior.

When attempting to help people with care for their mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I remain mindful that each individual with whom I work has unique characteristics. Therefore, what works for one client may not work for another person.

In this way, I endeavor to cultivate (foster the growth of) character exclusive to the individual in front of me at the time. Thus, I aim to help develop (work out the possibilities of) an improved level of functioning and quality of life for already established and distinct personalities.

This relates to character development, which the APA defines as “the gradual development of moral concepts, conscience, religious values or views, and social attitudes as an essential aspect of personality development.” As well, the APA thusly defines personality development:

[T]he gradual development of personality in terms of characteristic emotional responses or temperament, a recognizable style of life, personal roles and role behaviors, a set of values and goals, typical patterns of adjustment, characteristic interpersonal relations and sexual relationships, characteristic traits, and a relatively fixed self-image.

Clearly, there remains significant overlap between the concepts of character and personality, as well as character development and personality development. Given these matters of consideration, I now turn toward a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

I invite you to consider when an appropriate time to cultivate character within your life will be. Having distantly worked with one client, the person proposed that beginning a physical training regimen at a local gym would occur once one was fit enough to work out in public.

Having recently worked with another client, I was informed that establishing a sleep routine would occur once one was ready to stop frequently attending music festivals. Yet another client told me that applying daily practice of REBT would happen eventually, though not just yet.

Each of these clients provided excuses as to why they refused to cultivate character through the formidable process of self-challenge. However, an “I’ll get to it at some point” attitude is a sign of a personality unwilling to properly develop. About this, Marcus Aurelius stated (page 211):

Enough of this miserable, whining life. Stop monkeying around! Why are you troubled? What’s new here? What’s so confounding? The one responsible? Take a good look. Or just the matter itself? Then look at that.

There’s nothing else to look at. And as far as the gods go, by now you could try being more straightforward and kind. It’s the same, whether you’ve examined these things for a hundred years, or only three.

For now, I’ll set aside the unfalsifiable appeal to “the gods.” One preferably needn’t concern oneself with imaginary beings in order to cultivate character. In any case, I appreciate Aurelius’s evocation of personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”).

Rather than “monkeying around” with self-defeating excuses, one can take personal ownership regarding the ability to cultivate character. Concerning when such action recommendatorily needs to occur, authors of The Daily Stoic offer (page 211):

Character,” Joan Didion would write in one of her best essays, “the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life [i.e., personal ownership]—is the source from which self-respect springs.” Marcus is urging us not to waste time complaining about what we haven’t got or how things have worked out.

We have to quit monkeying around and be the owners of our own lives. Character can be developed, and when it is, self-respect will ensue. But that means starting and getting serious about it. Not later, not after certain questions have been answered or distractions dealt with, but now. Right now. Taking responsibility is the first step.

In all sincerity, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Hence, it’s worth asked when personality development preferably or recommendatorily should take place. When is that? Cultivating character… right now! About this, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 211):

To be without this character is the worst of all fates.

As Didion put it in “On Self-Respect,” “To live without self-respect is to lie awake some night, beyond the reach of warm milk, the phenobarbital, and the sleeping hand on the coverlet, counting up the sins of commission and omission, the trusts betrayed, the promises subtly broken, the gifts irrevocably wasted through sloth or cowardice or carelessness.”

You’re so much better than that.

Perhaps you’ll skim through this post and assure yourself that you’ll cultivate character at some point. If so, then it’s likely that you’ll endure an outcome described by Didion—presuming that you’ll maintain your cognitive faculties long enough to experience regret in your elderly years.

As for me and the clients with whom I work—those who actually put forth effort to develop personalities—there’s little time to waste in this impermanent and uncertain existence. Ergo, cultivating character begins (or continues) right now! Besides, tomorrow’s not promised to us.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2023, November 15). Character. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/character

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Character development. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/character-development

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Personality. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/personality

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Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

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Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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