Being a Good Person: You Cannot Perfect the Imperfectible

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “What is your vocation? To be a good person” (page 171). Regarding this perspective, I stated in a blogpost entitled Doing Right or Wrong, as They See It:

That which is “right” is defined as being in accordance with what is just, good, or proper. “Wrong” is an injurious, unfair, or unjust act: action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause.

As well, “good” is defined as being of a favorable character or tendency, as “righteous” is defined as morally right or justifiable. Alternatively, “bad” is defined as failing to reach an acceptable standard, as “evil” is defined as morally or ethically reprehensible.

A moral is a person’s standard of behavior or belief concerning what is and isn’t acceptable for the individual and other people. As such, morals generally relate to what’s considered good, bad, right, wrong, or otherwise acceptable or unacceptable.

An ethic is a set of moral principles, especially those relating to or affirming a specified group, field, or form of conduct. Whereas morals relate to what is thought of as pleasing or displeasing behaviors and beliefs, ethics – based on morals – are the social rules by which we pledge to live.

When speaking to himself in written form, Aurelius inquired about his main objective as a human being. Apparently, he determined that it was a matter of personally responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) to be a “good person.” I disagree.

With my approach to REBT, I reject globally-evaluative terms such as “good” or “bad” when referring to oneself. This is because I practice unconditional acceptance. Using this REBT tool, I recognize that people are merely fallible human beings by our nature, not “good” or “bad.”

This is a practice missed by people who seek to make perfect (being entirely without fault or defect) that which is imperfectible (incapable of being made perfect). Contrasting Aurelius’s worldview, I stated in a blogpost entitled Good Man:

When examining what it takes to be a good man I find value in using a [REBT] perspective. In particular, I use unconditional self-acceptance.

In this regard, I don’t place a condition on myself as to whether or not I should, must, or ought to be a good man. Setting up the stipulation that I will only accept myself when dependent upon some arbitrary criteria could otherwise lead to self-disturbance.

Instead, I maintain that I’m a fallible human being who’s made many mistakes in the past, I currently have flaws, and I’ll continue being imperfect in the future. If one is to deem me morally, ethically, or philosophically unworthy of praise, I accept that.

Moreover, I don’t seek validation from others. If a person chooses to say I’m a good man, fine. If not, also fine.

As well, I use this perspective when practicing rational compassion with others. Additionally, I don’t concern myself with matters outside of my control.

Given this arguably healthy outlook, I argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not one is considered to be a “good person,” per Aurelius’s prescription. Diverging from my postulation, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 171):

The Stoics believed, above all else, that our job on this earth is to be a good human being. It is a basic duty, yet we are experts at coming up with excuses for avoiding it. To quote Belichick again: “Do your job.”

One thing I’ve noticed about authors of The Daily Stoic is that they appear to overvalue quotes from fallible individuals whose behavior remains questionable. Thus, playing the proverbial cards dealt by the authors, I offer that one source reports of Belichick:

Jordon Hudson may have been showing a little too much skin for her boyfriend Bill Belichick’s liking on Saturday night [11/29/2025]. […]

The former cheerleader, who shares a 49-year age gap with her boyfriend, skipped her usual moment in the spotlight as she was noticeably absent from the sidelines. […]

Hudson donned a skimpy look of pale blue sheer flared pants, trimmed with ruffles down the side, and just a strappy navy bodysuit, which could be seen through the gauzy bottoms.

And Belichick, fresh off the 42-19 loss at N.C. State, showed his age when he stepped in to cover up his much-younger girlfriend.

The coach was captured stripping off his UNC-issued navy padded parka and draping it over Hudson’s shoulders in an almost paternal act to protect her from the icy evening air.

As Belichick pulled the jacket right around her, Hudson, perhaps a little put out by the gesture, appeared to flash an embarrassed smile to someone off camera.

There appears to be a lot of speculation regarding both Belichick and Hudson. Some people claim that the football coach is preying on a younger woman. Others allege that the former cheerleader is preying on an older man.

Some individuals view Belichick’s “paternal act” of covering Hudson as chivalrous. Others consider it to be an infantilizing gesture. Personally, none of these perspectives make any difference. People will speculate as to who is “good” or “bad” irrespective of my opinions.

All the while, I view both Belichick and Hudson as little more than fallible human beings who are capable of behaving well, poorly, and otherwise, and whose imperfect nature isn’t able to be perfected. While their behavior can improve, these individuals are simply flawed by nature.

This is where personal ownership for one’s own behavior is relevant. Both Belichick and Hudson may opt to perform in whatever manner they choose. Nevertheless, people will deem their conduct as “good” or “bad,” much as these individuals are deemed “good” or “bad.”

As proposed by a source, one way to view the question of moral or ethical consideration is to “do without the notion of ‘good” regarding a fallible human being and “make do with ‘good for’, alongside the separate and non-evaluative notion of reasons for action.”

The source continues, “Thus, the world containing the single individual with a life worth living, might be said to contain nothing good per se, but a life that is good for that individual. And this fact may give us a reason to bring about such a world, given the opportunity.”

I don’t know much about being a good person, because I don’t view myself as an authoritative source in this regard. I’ve always been imperfect! Unconcerned with whether or not other flawed individuals think I’m good, I focus more on how my behavior is perceived.

Even then, as illustrated in the Belichick and Hudson example, fallible people will believe whatever they choose regarding my actions. They may inflexibly demand that a 49-year age gap absolutely shouldn’t exist between Belichick and Hudson.

These same individuals would harshly judge me for a 17-year age gap regarding the last woman with whom I was in love. Such is the matter when focused on being a good person, even though you cannot perfect the imperfectible. Favorably, I don’t waste my time with such nonsense.

Now, I invite you to contemplate the Stoic psychoeducational lesson outlined herein. Do you unhelpfully deny your imperfectible nature as a fallible human being? While you can change your behavior, I argue that you cannot be made perfect—at least not in your current human form.

You can choose to self-disturb with irrational beliefs regarding this acknowledgment of truth about reality. Alternatively, you unconditionally accept yourself while diligently working toward improving your actions. So, what will it be?

Personally, the relatively little time I have left in my flawed existence is devoted toward trying to help people with the latter option. I think of my role as a fallible human being attempting to help other imperfect people to ascend a metaphorical mountain.

Some individuals accept my extended hand. Others slap it away. Some people regard my behavior as “good.” Others damn me as a “bad” person. All the same, I don’t care about being a good person, because you cannot perfect the imperfectible, and neither can I.

Still, we can improve upon our questionable actions. This is what I offer through my approach to REBT. If you’d like to know more about how to climb this figurative mountain of life, which entails pushing through discomfort as a means of gaining ground, then let’s climb together!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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