Black-and-White Thinking: If You Don't Condemn It, You Condone It

[DISCLAIMER]

In my youth, I was taught morals and ethics. A moral is a person’s standard of behavior or belief concerning what is and isn’t acceptable for the individual and other people. Morals thus relate to what’s considered good, bad, right, wrong, or otherwise acceptable or unacceptable.

An ethic is a set of moral principles, especially those relating to or affirming a specified group, field, or form of conduct. Whereas morals relate to what is thought of as pleasing or displeasing behaviors and beliefs, ethics – based on morals – are the social rules by which we pledge to live.

For context, a principle is a comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption that serves as a rule or code of conduct with habitual devotion to this subjective morally and ethically right standard. Thus, principles are a form of values (something intrinsically desirable).

When living in a children’s home, one houseparent in particular taught me that “if you don’t condemn it, you condone it” regarding religiously immoral actions. What he advocated was an if-then or either-or conditional belief. For context, consider the following two syllogisms.

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If you don’t condemn sinful behavior (p), then you condone it (q). You don’t condemn sinful behavior (p). Therefore, you condone it (q).

Form (disjunctive) –

Either p or q; not p; therefore, q.

Example –

Either you condemn sinful behavior (p) or you condone it (q). You don’t condemn sinful behavior (p). Therefore, you condone it (q).

When considering whether or not syllogistic beliefs are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason), it’s worth noting that both of the aforementioned examples follow logical form. Clearly, the premises which establish the conclusion adhere to a formulaic logical standard.

However, depending on one’s subjective morals and ethics which form a worldview, I maintain that the conclusions established in the syllogisms aren’t reasonable. Thus, the beliefs aren’t rational. For context, I invite you to consider that one source states of this matter:

False dilemma

(also known as: all-or-nothing fallacy, false dichotomy [form of], the either-or fallacy, either-or reasoning, fallacy of false choice, fallacy of false alternatives, black-and-white thinking, the fallacy of exhaustive hypotheses, bifurcation, excluded middle, no middle ground, polarization)

Description: When only two choices are presented yet more exist, or a spectrum of possible choices exists between two extremes. False dilemmas are usually characterized by “either this or that” language, but can also be characterized by omissions of choices. Another variety is the false trilemma, which is when three choices are presented when more exist.

The children’s home at which I was a resident was sponsored by local Churches of Christ, so I was subject to religious moral and ethical lessons. Therefore, the adults who taught children prescriptive instructions perhaps inadvertently imparted rigid methods of irrational thinking.

Taking personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for my role in the matter, I failed to think critically about seeing the world in black-and-white terms. Regarding this matter, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines the term splitting:

[I]n Kleinian analysis and Fairbairnian theory, a primitive defense mechanism used to protect oneself from conflict, in which objects provoking anxiety and ambivalence are dichotomized into extreme representations (part-objects) with either positive or negative qualities, resulting in polarized viewpoints that fluctuate in extremes of seeing the self or others as either all good or all bad.

This mechanism is used not only by infants and young children, who are not yet capable of integrating these polarized viewpoints, but also by adults with dysfunctional patterns of dealing with ambivalence; it is often associated with borderline personality disorder. Also called splitting of the object.

Additionally, the APA states that cognitive distortion is “faulty or inaccurate thinking, perception, or belief. An example is overgeneralization. Cognitive distortion is a normal psychological process that can occur in all people to a greater or lesser extent.”

When taught that if I didn’t condemn an action I condoned it, my houseparents instilled a lesson on cognitive distortion. In turn, I take personal ownership for not having challenged that unhelpful lesson which impeded progress. Now, I reflect upon this matter as I read a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated, “We don’t abandon our pursuits because we despair of ever perfecting them” (page 245). When using black-and-white thinking, abandoning pursuits of rational living when perfection isn’t achieved, you may suffer.

From an REBT perspective, regarding the ABC model, use of rigid if-then or either-or scripts is what causes unpleasant self-distress or self-disturbance. Regarding unhelpful beliefs such as these, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 245):

Psychologists speak of cognitive distortions—exaggerated thinking patterns that have a destructive impact on the life of the patient. One of the most common is known as all-or-nothing thinking (also referred to as splitting). Examples of this include thoughts like:

·  If you’re not with me, you’re against me.

·  So-and-so is all good/bad.

·  Because this wasn’t a complete success, it is a total failure.

Using these prescriptive beliefs, I grew up abandoning incremental success when matters weren’t either black or white in nature. Thus, I missed out on many opportunities throughout my life. Concluding their examination of this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 245):

This sort of extreme thinking is associated with depression and frustration. How could it not be? Perfectionism rarely begets perfection—only disappointment. Pragmatism has no such hang-ups. It’ll take what it can get. That’s what Epictetus is reminding us.

We’re never going to be perfect—if there is even such a thing. We’re human, after all. Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, however little that it’s possible for us to make.

Fallible human beings are incapable of perfection (freedom from fault or defect). Therefore, black-and-white thinking that excludes other reasonable possibilities isn’t helpful. In many cases, it can actually be quite unhelpful by slowing or stopping your momentum toward progress.

Suppose you say, “Deric, I don’t condone what you’re saying. I don’t condemn it either. Rather, I’m indifferent regarding this matter.” Well done! You’ve made an imperfect choice with gray area (an area or situation in which it is difficult to judge what is right and what is wrong).

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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