"Feeling Better" Doesn't Help You Understand or Change Behaviors

[DISCLAIMER]

Recently, I observed a SipsTea subreddit thread entitled “Our Assistant” that addressed the impact of artificial intelligence (AI) on the field of mental, emotional, and behavior health. About this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Artificial Influence (December 29, 2022):

Imagining that I were a client in search of an effective clinician, and given the landscape of unhealthy bias that Artificially Influences the mental health field, I very well may turn to an algorithmically-enhanced A.I. to assist me. Who could blame me?

The critique I leveled against my chosen professional field related to what I consider unhelpful influence from clinicians appearing to make feeling better rather than getting better the objective when working with clients. That approach isn’t aligned with my psychotherapeutic aim.

Having learned about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in 2011, attaining both primary and advance training certificates for this psychotherapeutic modality from the Albert Ellis Institute a decade later in 2021, my goal is to help people understand and change behaviors.

Given the number of clients with whom I’ve worked over the years, a number who have specifically expressed that merely feeling better wasn’t enough to meet their psychotherapeutic interests and goals, I can appreciate how people reject intentions which don’t promote change.

In fact, I can comprehend how an individual would even opt to receive assistance from AI rather than listening to someone who promotes the ideas of “feel your feelings” or teaching that “you’re perfect the way you are,” and other validating though irrational nonsense.

For context, that which is “irrational” isn’t in accordance with both logic and reason. Admittedly using a false dichotomy, imagine experiencing one of the most challenging times of your life. You can either go to a person for help or not.

You gather up enough courage to reach out to a clinician and your appointment is set. You’re somewhat confident that whatever it is you’re experiencing will be addressed by a person with some degree of competency, not merely an individual who uses empty and irrational clichés.

At your initial session, you’re told something in alignment with a modus ponens logical syllogism (i.e., if p, then q; p; therefore, q) like, “If you’re experiencing unhealthy negative feelings, then just feel your feelings.”

The emotions and bodily sensations you feel aren’t the sort of feelings you want to prolong. Rather, you maintain that although it makes logical sense (modus ponens), the provider’s suggestion isn’t at all reasonable.

Then, the clinician from whom you’ve sought help claims, “You’re perfect the way you are.” The hostility you frequently experience? Perfect. The nauseous feeling often located in your gut? Perfect. And that common road rage activity in which you engage? Perfect. Is that rational?

Given that you can dichotomously either go to a person for help or not, I can comprehend how it is that people are turning toward AI in order to give themselves a viable third option. Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Will AI Replace Psychotherapists? (May 11, 2025):

I view AI as a potentially hopeful utility for the field in which I work. Will AI replace psychotherapists? It’s plausible that digital mental health services could one day replace human psychotherapists, though I’m unsure how probable this proposal is at present.

This brings me to the now deleted subreddit thread I mentioned earlier. The original “Our Assistant” post addressed how some people claimed to have felt better after communicating with AI rather than qualified mental health practitioners. To this, one Redditor helpfully responded:

As a counselor, this is what scares me about AI being used as therapy.

The entire point of a therapist/counselor is to have someone with a different perspective around to ask questions you didn’t think of, see situations from other angles you hadn’t seen, so you can come up with new ideas and understand yourself and others better. AI is basically talking to a version of yourself that won’t challenge you in any significant way - it misses the point.

And anyone who says “but I feel better”, what you feel is validated and less alone, which is great but it’s like 20% of what therapy is. “Feeling better” doesn’t help you understand or change behaviors/habits/thought patterns that made you feel worse to begin with.

Confronting yourself and improving is supposed to be hard, it’s supposed to be a growth experience. We’re so obsessed with instant gratification that we’d rather be momentarily soothed by a robot than actually deal with ourselves and heal.

One minor quibble I have with this response is that feelings are either emotions (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or sensations (e.g., tightness in the shoulders). Yet, one cannot “feel” validated or less alone. Thus, one either is or isn’t validated or less alone.

Still, I maintain that “feeling” better, worse, good, or bad is possible. For instance, if one frequently experiences hostility, has a nauseous feeling located in the gut, and commonly engages in road rage activities, this matter relates to feeling bad or worse than desired.

Minor critique aside, I concur with the Redditor’s perspective. To this outlook, a separate Redditor replied:

A not insignificant [number] of people either stop therapy or find a different [therapist] if they are made to confront themselves. Why pay someone to make you feel bad and question yourself when you can pay someone else to agree with you and take your side?

I’ve had clients who’ve left my care, because I didn’t encourage them to feel their feelings or tell them they were perfect as they were, and I didn’t ally with them by irrationally validating their illogical and unreasonable beliefs. I concur with the Redditor, it isn’t an insignificant number.

Nevertheless, I’ve had more people contact me for an alternative to being coddled than have left when I advocated the notion that “feeling better” doesn’t help people understand or change their behaviors. Thus, I’m content with those people who I can try to help rather than merely pacify.

When contemplating the topic of this blog entry, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) track by Gabriel Vitel entitled “Feeling Better”. Lyrics state:

What is fore, back behind, trying to hold

Feeling better, keep on moving on

You seem to be, but it hurts sometimes

Getting adult, all your thoughts, all so strong

Eloquently, Vitel highlights the issue with feeling rather than getting better. Expressing that “all your thoughts, all so strong” relates to the ABC model of REBT which posits that a belief-consequence connection is what causes one’s self-disturbance which “hurts sometimes.”

Rather than validating the thoughts or beliefs with which people disturb themselves, I try to help clients dispute their illogical and unreasonable self-narratives. In this way, they can learn to understand and change behaviors. Thus, they may actually get better.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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