Photo credit, property of Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, fair use
After many years have passed since I saw Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) after its initial release, I again watched it recently. It was every bit as pleasing to me this time around as it was when I first watched the film. Summarizing the plot, one source states:
Martin Blankman [John Cusack] is a hitman with some emotional problems. He goes to a shrink who doesn’t want to deal with him, and he has had recurring dreams about his long-lost love for 10 years [Minnie Driver], since he stood her up on prom night. When Blank gets an invitation to his 10-year school reunion, he is originally dead-set against the idea, but when he is hired for a job in his hometown he is forced to return home and face some truths.
I don’t intend on offering many spoilers herein, as I don’t want to ruin the experience of a reader who chooses to watch the flick. Also, I’d forgotten how wonderful the soundtrack of Grosse Pointe Blank was to me. There were many nostalgic tunes offered throughout the film.
In any event, I thought about the distinction between forgiveness and acceptance toward the end of the movie when Driver’s character states, “Some people say ‘forgive and forget.’ Nah, I don’t know. I say forget about forgiving, just accept.”
For context, Cusack’s character stood up Driver’s character on the night of their senior prom. When showing up for a high school reunion a decade later, neither character had fully forgiven or accepted their roles in this matter. That’s about all I can say without spoiling the movie.
Nevertheless, I think it’s worth briefly defining terms so that you may better understand why I advocate the wisdom bestowed upon the audience by Driver’s character. Before I describe the difference between forgiveness and acceptance, what comes to your mind with these terms?
Forgiveness is defined as the act of forgiving. To forgive is to give up resentment of or claim to requital. Colloquially, forgiving people means that you stop holding resentment against other individuals.
Acceptance is defined as the act of accepting something or someone. To accept is to receive (something offered) willingly. Colloquially, accepting people means that you endure (without protest or reaction) other individuals, their words, or their actions.
Forgiveness is about letting go of unhelpful negative emotional responses (i.e., anger, resentment, etc.), while acceptance involves acknowledging and allowing something or someone for who or what it is. Although these terms seem similar, they are slightly different in use.
In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), the technique of unconditional acceptance is used to relieve unnecessary suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
This isn’t the same process as forgiving. Forgiveness would’ve been for Driver’s character to have stated to Cusack’s character, “What you did by standing me up for prom wasn’t okay, though I no longer hold resent toward you for treating me in a displeasing manner.”
Alternatively, as advocated by Driver’s character at the end of the film, acceptance doesn’t go through the whole rigmarole of outlining a displeasing act to be forgiven. Rather, acceptance is about acknowledging that one was stood up a decade prior and simply carrying on with life.
Acceptance of the unconditional variety is about enduring hardship, displeasure, stress, or otherwise while not using conditional narratives during the process (e.g., I’ll accept that you stood me up a decade ago only if you show me that you’re sufficiently regretful).
Ultimately, I’m glad that I decided to watch Grosse Pointe Blank once again. If late ‘90s comedy is your jam, then you may enjoy the flick.
Aside from the music that I found delightful, getting an opportunity to see Cusack and Driver in the same film, and enjoying the scenes of Cusack with his psychotherapist, I retained a psychoeducational lesson from the film. Hopefully you benefited from knowledge of the latter.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Holland, H. (n.d.). Grosse Pointe Blank summaries. IMDb. Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119229/plotsummary/
Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Conditional should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/conditional-should-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering
Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
IMDb. (n.d.). Grosse Pointe Blank [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119229/mediaviewer/rm1911760128/?ref_=tt_ov_i
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Grosse Pointe Blank. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grosse_Pointe_Blank
Wikipedia. (n.d.). John Cusack. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Cusack
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Minnie Driver. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnie_Driver
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