Conditional Happiness

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated, “It is quite impossible to unite happiness with a yearning for what we don’t have. Happiness has all that it wants, and resembling the well-fed, there shouldn’t be hunger or thirst” (page 63).

Do you identify with this Epictetian perspective on happiness (a state of well-being and contentment, a pleasurable or satisfying experience: joy)? About this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 63):

I’ll be happy when I graduate, we tell ourselves. I’ll be happy when I get this promotion, when this diet pays off, when I have the money that my parents never had. Conditional happiness is what psychologists call this kind of thinking. Like the horizon, you can walk for miles and miles and never reach it. You won’t even get any closer.

Take for instance my graduation ceremony whereupon I earned an undergraduate degree (2009). I told myself that when I graduated I’d be happy. However, the degree itself was as meaningless to me as my high school diploma. I wasn’t happy after earning a piece of paper.

Conceptualized differently, in a scene from the The Wizard of Oz, consider the endowment of knowledge. The Wizard handed a diploma to Scarecrow, as the latter was suddenly able to rattle off a mathematical concept. In essence, Scarecrow already had knowledge within him.

Likewise, I either would or wouldn’t experience happiness, with or without a college degree. Thus, my ability to be happy wasn’t predicated on an illogical and unreasonable form of conditional should statement, depicted as follows:

Syllogistic form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If I want to be happy, then I need a college degree. I want to be happy. Therefore, I need a college degree.

When using this approach to conditional happiness, what outcome is likely if or when a person’s rigid prerequisite to joy isn’t met? Logically, the individual wouldn’t achieve a state of happiness. Addressing this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 63):

Eagerly anticipating some future event, passionately imagining something you desire, looking forward to some happy scenario—as pleasurable as these activities might seem, they ruin your chance at happiness here and now. Locate that yearning for more, better, someday and see it for what it is: the enemy of your contentment. Choose it or your happiness. As Epictetus says, the two are not compatible.

Given this relatively brief psychoeducational lesson on conditional happiness and contentment, do you understand that yearning for something in the future, while placing an inflexible demand upon yourself in the present, may actually sabotage your outcome? Are you happy in this regard?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

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Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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