Live In What's Real, Despite Memory Reconstruction

[DISCLAIMER]

In the early day of blogging for my website, I took a scholarly approach to writing. In particularly, self-references were used sparingly. At the time, I thought that approach would lend some degree of credibility to posts about my view on mental, emotional, and behavioral health.

Yet, years ago, a friend who read a post or two invited me to practice use of self within my blogposts. “It just doesn’t seem like your voice when I’m reading,” she stated, “so I think your readers may appreciate hearing more about both your personal and professional experience.”

I then began using personal and professional anecdotes. As time went on, I discovered that on the rare occasion when I received feedback, people commended my use of self-references. Still, I remain aware of faulty memory (a diminished ability to recall information or experiences).

For instance, have you heard someone retell a story, as the details changed with each retelling? Sometimes, the person may be outright lying. However, it’s also likely the case that the memory is reconstructive and the person isn’t being deceptive. Addressing this topic, one source states:

Cognitive processes are active. When we perceive and encode events in the world, we construct (rather than copy) the outside world as we comprehend the events. If perceiving is a construction, then remembering the original experience involves a reconstruction.

Reconstructive memory refers to the idea that remembering the past reflects our attempts to reconstruct the events experienced previously. These efforts are based partly on traces of past events, but also on our general knowledge, our expectations, and our assumptions about what must have happened.

As such, recollections may be filled with errors, when our assumptions and inferences, rather than traces of the original events, determine our recollections. Errors—false memories—constitute the prime evidence for reconstructive processes in remembering.

Several different sources of error (inferences during encoding, information we receive about an event after its occurrence, our perspective during retrieval) exist. Contrary to popular belief, memory does not work like a video-recorder, faithfully capturing the past to be played back unerringly at a later time. Rather, even when we are accurate, we are reconstructing events from the past when we remember.

Because I understand that fallible human beings are largely incapable of perfect recollection, I stated in a blogpost entitled Elements of the Past, “I think it’s important not to place too much significance on memory-related elements of the past.” Now, take a moment to look at this photo:

This picture was taken when I was assigned to the Marine Security Guard detachment in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil (1999-2000). Cariocas (residents of Rio) often hosted festas (parties) at which people dressed in a manner similar to how Halloween is celebrated in the United States.

Pictured with another Marine, our costumes revealed combat uniform attire. From what I recall, local Brasilians expressed excitement regarding our commitment to the event (e.g., the other Marine and I donned camo [camouflage] face). Of course, my memory is reconstructive.

Therefore, I don’t know if my recollection of the festa event represents reality (something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily). Per one source, reality is defined as “in philosophy, that which genuinely exists, usually in contrast to that which only seems to exist.”

Did I live in what’s real, despite memory reconstruction when in Rio? It’s hard to recall. I think I did. Yet, I’m uncertain. When further contemplating this topic, I think of the psychotherapeutic modality I practice. As well, a book I’ve been steadily reading comes to mind.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Generally, in my personal and professional life, I refrain from discussing my military service. Though within my blog, I frequently do so for the purpose of psychoeducational lessons. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Epictetus who stated (page 82);

In public avoid talking often and excessively about your accomplishments and dangers, for however much you enjoy recounting your dangers, it’s not so pleasant for others to hear about your affairs.

Because I’m providing a lesson on REBT herein, forgive me a personal anecdote. When serving in the Marines, I was made familiar with the term “one-upper.” Describing this phrase, one source states:

An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.

For example, when still enlisted in the Marine Corps while employed in the field of nuclear security, I worked with a Marine veteran who apparently wasn’t living in what was real. One day, as other military veterans told their war stories, the Marine veteran one-upped them.

“Yeah,” he began to boast, “I was in Iraq and lobbed a 40 millimeter grenade from an M203 for about 150 meters, right down the barrel of an Iraqi tank!” Although I suspected that the story represented memory reconstruction, other veterans outright declared it “bullshit!”

Around the same time of hearing that nonsensical tale, hip hop duo Clipse (comprised of lyricists Malice and Pusha T) released their album Hell Hath No Fury (2006). The anthology contained the track “Mr. Me Too”, featuring Pharrell Williams.

The chorus states in repetition, “I know, I know. Yep, yeah. You, too. Okay, we get it. Yep, yeah. You, too […] Everybody meet Mr. Me, Too.” Representing a form of one-uppery that may or may not relate to memory reconstruction issues, the track addresses Epictetus’s point.

Talking often and excessively about one’s own accomplishments and dangers isn’t necessarily pleasant for others when hearing such fabricated or erroneous details. Expanding upon this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic add (page 82):

Modern philosopher Nassim Taleb has warned of the “narrative fallacy”—the tendency to assemble unrelated events of the past into stories. These stories, however gratifying to create, are inherently misleading. They lead to a sense of cohesion and certainty that isn’t real.

At the risk of committing the narrative fallacy, again forgive me a personal anecdote that will hopefully enrich this psychoeducational lesson. I have a longtime friend who behaves as a one-upper and Mr. Me, Too, as his memory reconstructions are the stuff of bewilderment.

If ever asked to tell of my time as a Marine, my friend—who never served in the military—will assemble unrelated events of his past into stories to rival mine. His behavior suspiciously borders on delusion, as it’s not entirely clear as to whether or not he actually believes his own bullshit.

In any case, I practice unconditional other-acceptance (UOA) as a means of preventing unpleasant self-disturbed outcomes when hearing tales of how this individual is apparently the baddest of bad asses to ever bad an ass of bad-assery. Let him tell it, he’s damn near a superhero!

Unhelpfully, others who know my friend don’t practice UOA. Whereas I experience healthy distress (e.g., annoyance) regarding his tales of bad-assery, others endure unhealthy disturbance (e.g., rage). Fortunately, I know that distress versus disturbance is a key focus of REBT.

Does my friend live in what’s real, despite memory reconstruction? Not even a little bit. In fact, I suspect that he frequently engages in pathological lying, as the American Psychological Association defines this behavior thusly:

[A] persistent, compulsive tendency to tell lies out of proportion to any apparent advantage that can be achieved. This often occurs among people with alcohol dependence or brain damage, but it is most common among individuals with antisocial personality disorder, who in some cases do not seem to understand the nature of a falsehood.

Because I love my friend and practice UOA in his regard, I can tolerate the bullshit spewed from his mouth. After all, REBT affords me the ability to tolerate frustration, annoyance, and disappointment. In this regard, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 82):

[R]emember that as Epictetus points out, there is another reason not to tell stories about your past. It’s boring, annoying, and self-absorbed. It might make you feel good to dominate the conversation and make it all about you, but how do you think it is for everyone else?

Do you think people are really enjoying the highlights of your high school football days? Is this really the time for another exaggerated tale of your sexual prowess? Try your best not to create this fantasy bubble—live in what’s real. Listen and connect with people, don’t perform for them.

I’ve come a long way from intentionally sparing my reading audience personal and professional anecdotes within my blog. All the same, I remain cautious not to one-up others, behave in the manner of a Mr. Me, Too, or pathologically lie about my past.

Thus, I make a concerted effort to share stories of my past in a way that represents living in what’s real, despite memory reconstruction. Admittedly, I’m never perfect in this regard. All the same, I try to convey authenticity within my blog. How about you? Do you live in what is real?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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