Speaking of Silence

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “Silence is a lesson learned from the many sufferings of life” (page 240). Speaking of silence, when was the last time you were intentionally silent when others spoke? Of this, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 240):

Recall the last time you said a really boneheaded thing, something that came back to bite you. Why did you say it? Chances are you didn’t need to, but you thought doing so would make you look smart or cool or part of the group.

Although not the last time I said something that wound up biting me in ass, if you’ll allow, I have a professional anecdote to share in this regard. Client X presented to session during the last general election season for the United States (U.S.), complaining about Donald Trump.

Using the ABC model of REBT, I assisted in disputing this individual’s irrational beliefs regarding the notion that Trump would round people up on the streets of the U.S., lock people in camps, initiate new wars, infringe upon civil rights, and behave tyrannically.

At the time, I used thinking which was rational (in accordance with both logic and reason). Thus, I invited client X to consider that neither of us could tell the future, reasoned that there was no credible evidence to support such beliefs, and advocated REBT’s unconditional acceptance.

In retrospect, it’s a good thing that I’m genetically predisposed to retain extra buttocks tissue, because the disputation I used with client X came back to bite me in the ass! Not only has the Trump administration fulfilled client X’s predictions, the U.S. president has done much more.

Speaking of silence, I wonder how that particular session would’ve unfolded had I behaved as many other professional providers of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) often do. What would’ve happened if I’d simply remained silent?

One can never be certain in this regard. Nevertheless, I learned an invaluable lesson from client X and have since altered how I now conduct the process of disputation. Adding to this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 240):

“The more you say,” Robert Greene has written, “the more likely you are to say something foolish.” To that we add: the more you say, the more likely you are to blow past opportunities, ignore feedback, and cause yourself suffering.

Favorably, both client X and I were spared suffering of our own causing. To my knowledge, client X is highly functioning, as am I, despite the Trump administration’s apparent attempt to speedrun the destruction of our nation. In closing, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 240):

The inexperienced and fearful talk to reassure themselves. The ability to listen, to deliberately keep out of a conversation and subsist without its validity is rare. Silence is a way to build strength and self-sufficiency.

Speaking of silence, it isn’t always necessary to refrain from talking. Nonetheless, it very well may be worthwhile to speak less and listen more in many conversations. What do you think? (Ahh, if you spoke, then you’ve learned nothing! I’m joking. Seriously, what are your thoughts?)

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

References:

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