The True Worth of Things

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Photo credit, fair use

If memory serves, when attending Randall High School in 1992, I spoke with a fellow student who was biracial (“mixed”) like me (black and white). I’ll refer to him as “D,” who was noticeably mixed while I wasn’t. We played on the same football team and on occasion chatted.

Often, I observed D’s white mom, who was said to have owned a jewelry business, bringing Air Jordan shoes to D during our lunch period. Apparently, this was done in order to afford D the opportunity to wear the newly released shoes before anyone else could buy them after school.

In particular, I recall D’s mom delivering a fresh pair of Air Jordan VII OG black and dark charcoal shoes, with true red accents, during lunchtime. Because I didn’t sit at a table with D and other popular kids, I later asked him about what life was like for him as we sat in class.

For context, I lived in a children’s home at the time. By my freshman year of high school, I’d not lived with my white mom for a year and a half. As well, I hadn’t lived with my black dad for years by then. “What’s your life like?” I inquired of D. “What do you mean?” he responded.

I said, “I see your mom delivering Jordans to you from time to time, you’re always wearing the latest Girbaud and Guess jeans, and I don’t know anyone at this school who doesn’t want to be you.” D laughed and responded, “I wish I was more like you!” I was dumbfounded.

Why would any student at Randall want to have experienced trauma and poverty to the extent whereby they wound up living in a children’s home? Who would admire someone of such little worth (the value of something measured by its qualities or by the esteem in which it is held)?

D then pointed at my arm and stated, “We’re both mixed, but you look white.” To this day, I recall that being the first conversation I ever had with another black person who openly expressed displeasure with one’s inherited race – though it wasn’t the last.

Of course, that was many years ago, and the memory is reconstructive in nature. It very well could be that I imagined that conversation, though likely not. Even if a complete figment of my imagination, I learned a valuable lesson. Now, I contemplate “worth” as I read a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Diogenes Laertius, a biographer of the Greek philosophers, who stated, “Diogenes of Sinope said we sell things of great value for things of very little, and vice versa” (page 103). Expanding upon the implication of this quote, the authors state (page 103):

You can buy a Plume Blanche diamond-encrusted sofa for close to two hundred thousand dollars. It’s also possible to hire one person to kill another person for five hundred dollars. Remember that next time you hear someone ramble on about how the market decides what things are worth. The market might be rational . . . but the people who comprise it are not.

My irrational thoughts and beliefs about D’s life were impoverished, in that they didn’t take into account unknown factors. Though D had arguably the best looking girlfriend, strongest body on the football team, and he was perceptively the most popular freshmen, he esteemed me.

Unless my mind completely fabricated the discussion with D, which isn’t entirely impossible, I learned that I had worth – even if only to another person, as I didn’t value my own life. Adding to this matter of contemplation, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 103):

Diogenes, who founded the Cynic school, emphasized the true worth (axia) of things, a theme that persisted in Stoicism and was strongly reflected in both Epictetus and Marcus. It’s easy to lose track. When the people around you dump a fortune into trinkets they can’t take with them when they die, it might seem like a good investment for you to make too. But of course it isn’t.

Prior to having a conversation with D about what appeared to be his self-downing perspective that challenged my own negative global evaluation, I fanaticized about how Air Jordan VII OGs could’ve somehow improved my life. Yet, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 103):

The good things in life cost what they cost. The unnecessary things are not worth it at any price. The key is being aware of the difference.

All these years since my enrollment at Randall High School, I now understand the true worth of things. Currently, I can purchase many pairs of Air Jordans if I so choose. Yet, I understand that possessions don’t make me rich. That’s not where my true worth lies.

Now, I invite you to examine your life. Do you know the true worth of things? I guess it depends on whether or not you’re a sneakerhead (one obsessed with sneakers, collecting and trading them as a hobby, and having deep knowledge of sneaker culture, design, history, and new releases).

To some people, owning things is what apparently infers worth. Is that the case for you? Even if so, you still can’t take those possessions with you in death. Sure, you may be buried with your shoes. Yet, the “you” I’m referencing isn’t your body!

If you don’t understand this distinction, I have neither the time, interest, nor the shoelaces required to make it make sense, sneakerhead. For everyone else, I encourage you to contemplate the true worth of things from a Stoic outlook – for what it’s worth.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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