The drowning man
I once heard a religious joke about a man trapped on the roof of his home and refusing help from others while expecting divine intervention of another sort to rescue him. Although there are a number of versions to the humorous anecdote, one source describes it thusly:
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”
The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and He is going to save me.”
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”
To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and He is going to save me. I have faith.”
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”
To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and He is going to save me. I have faith.”
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”
To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”
While a number of moral and ethical lessons may be inferred from the story, I interpret the useful example as describing how some people willfully refuse assistance even when helping entities repeatedly offer to improve the conditions of these individuals. Moreover, the help one seeks may not reflect the form of assistance one imagines.
Behavioral health care
When I began the practice of life coaching in adolescence, I quickly learned how frustrating an experience it was trying to assist help-rejecting complainers—people who claim to want resolutions to problems though who outright refuse the very assistance they seek.
As I later received education and training in the practice of behavioral health care, I began to better understand why some individuals willfully refuse help when repeatedly offered assistance. Although explanations vary, I discovered that some people may be afraid of improved outcomes.
After all, one who has lived in self-disturbed misery for most of a lifetime may have unhelpful beliefs about not only being able to attain success, though the individual may unproductively believe that maintenance of accomplished goals is virtually impossible.
Addressing this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Plot Line:
My stepmom used to sing to me a line from Bobby Womack’s song “Across 110th Street,” wherein the singer stated, “Been down so long, getting up didn’t cross my mind. But I knew there was a better way of life that I was just trying to find.”
Moreover, I’ve realized that some people envision an ideal form of assistance that perceivably may serve their interests and goals. However, when real help presents itself, these individuals decline assistance, because the actual support doesn’t reflect an idealized version of help.
In essence, some people would rather drown in self-disturbed anguish than to free themselves from peril related to a rising tide when stuck on a proverbial roof. As such, I’ve observed a number of people metaphorically drown when refusing assistance.
Unlike a deity in which one confides during an afterlife, I ask people who willfully remain on rooftops what more they expect than to dedicatedly practice Rational Emotional Behavior Therapy (REBT). Depending on the person, responses vary.
One person may express that REBT isn’t what one rigidly expects, because this psychotherapeutic modality doesn’t necessarily mirror what the individual has observed as a psychotherapy fad on TikTok. And so, I row away in my rowboat.
Another person may explain that while REBT is relatively easy to understand, committed practice of the model can be quite challenging – especially in regard to homework exercise completion. And so, I speed away in my motorboat.
Yet a separate individual may state that while infrequent application of REBT techniques may be useful, the person prefers to instead focus on unfounded and metaphysical practices. In this regard, I cannot compete with one’s imagination. And so, I fly away in my helicopter.
Through administration of behavioral health care techniques, I unconditionally accept the fact that some people will willfully choose to proverbially drown rather than receiving the help they seek from me. Of course, this has been a constant factor since trying to help people in my youth.
Therefore, I don’t self-disturb when watching other people upset themselves as I distance myself from them after they’ve rejected help. Still, humorously, I’m reminded of the drowning man joke while wondering, “What more did you expect?” (The rain came down and the floods came up…)
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Behavioral health care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/behavioral-health-care
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals
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Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
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Nardacil. (2024, May 15). Daily theme - Oceanic origins [Image]. Playground. Retrieved from https://playground.com/post/daily-theme---oceanic-origins-clw817vrq04h0k0q75sw8wv2d
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