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What We Dread Comes to Nothing

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Jul 8
  • 7 min read

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe unhelpful narratives about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumptions and, not the occurrence itself, which cause unpleasant Consequences. This is known as the process of self-disturbance.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. This is known as the process of un-disturbing yourself.

 

In essence, an unclear mind can cause unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensory, and behavioral outcomes. Addressing this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 61):

 

Clear your mind and get a hold on yourself and, as when awakened from sleep and realizing it was only a bad dream upsetting you, wake up and see that what’s there is just like those dreams.

 

With a clear mind you can understand that a belief-consequence connection, rather than an action-consequence connection, is what causes self-disturbance. In this way you realize that you upset yourself, instead of remaining victim of undesirable actions which inevitably occur in life.

 

Essentially, we deceive ourselves with irrational beliefs, unrealistic philosophies, inflexible expectations, and other unproductive cognitive content. Highlighting this self-disturbing process in a blogpost entitled Magic Beans of Forgiveness, I stated:

 

I’m reminded of a scene in Braveheart during which Robert the Bruce confronts his father after the elder betrayed William Wallace. It exemplifies how beliefs lead to consequences.

 

In the segment, the son angrily declares, “You deceived me,” to which the father replies, “You let yourself be deceived. In your heart, you always knew what had to happen here.”

 

Unlike the process of our unconscious minds at work in regard to dreams and nightmares, awaking from daydreams in which we walk around stupefied by the lies we tell ourselves can be challenging. Regarding this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 61):

 

The author Raymond Chandler was describing most of us when he wrote in a letter to his publisher, “I never looked back, although I had many uneasy periods looking forward.” Thomas Jefferson once joked in a letter to John Adams, “How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened!” And Seneca would put it best: “There is nothing so certain in our fears that’s not yet more certain in the fact that most of what we dread comes to nothing.”

 

Each of the referenced individuals alluded to the process of self-disturbance. In particular, I invite you to consider what Seneca stated. Is it the case that most of what we dread comes to nothing? I suspect the answer depends on what is meant by “nothing.”

 

For instance, if you dream of a shadowy figure that controls you, is it likely that the content of your nightmare will actually occur? I argue in the negative. Yet, if you daydream about how you mustn’t be influenced by people with seemingly sinister intentions, what may result? Nothing?

 

REBT theory posits that unaccommodating demandingness of this sort causes self-disturbance, and that’s not “nothing.” In alignment with this REBT perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic add (page 61):

 

Many of the things that upset us, the Stoics believed, are a product of the imagination, not reality. Like dreams, they are vivid and realistic at the time but preposterous once we come out of it. In a dream, we never stop to think and say: “Does this make any sense?” No, we go along with it. The same goes with our flights of anger or fear or other extreme emotions.

 

Some people have experienced lucid dreaming (a type of dream wherein the dreamer realizes that one is dreaming during one’s dream), and have been able to ask, “Does this make any sense?” Aside from such cases, I comprehend what the authors suggest.

 

The product of our imagination in the form of waking daydreams about how life must function doesn’t represent reality. Fundamentally, we lie to ourselves while simultaneously disturbing ourselves. About this unpleasant occurrence, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 61);

 

Getting upset is like continuing the dream while you’re awake. The thing that provoked you wasn’t real—but your reaction was. And so from the fake comes real consequences. Which is why you need to wake up right now instead of creating a nightmare.

 

What we dread may come to nothing regarding a dream. However, dread produced from unhelpful beliefs causes unpleasant consequences—which is something. Rather than daydreaming about disaster, perhaps you could wake up in order to stop self-disturbing.

 

The ABC model allows you to do this through the process of disputation. Thus, the method of un-disturbing is akin to waking yourself from a self-created nightmare. Are you ready to wake up? If not, perhaps that shadowy figure of your own creation will perpetually haunt you.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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References:

 

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