Gradually and Then Suddenly

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Regarding the current psychoeducational lesson on REBT, I invite you to consider that one of the major Stoic virtues is moderation (also referred to as temperance or self-control). Concerning this principle, ancient Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca stated (page 181):

There is no vice which lacks a defense, none that at the outset isn’t modest and easily intervened —but after this the trouble spreads widely. If you allow it to get started you won’t be able to control when it stops. Every emotion is at first weak. Later it rouses itself and gathers strength as it moves along—it’s easier to slow it down than to supplant it.

Considering Seneca’s advocacy for self-control, I’m reminded of a quote by Ernest Hemingway. Addressing this matter, one source states:

The character Mike Campbell in the 1926 novel “The Sun Also Rises” was asked about his money troubles and responded with a vivid description embracing self-contradiction:

“How did you go bankrupt?” Bill asked.

“Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.”

“What brought it on?”

“Friends,” said Mike. “I had a lot of friends. False friends. Then I had creditors, too. Probably had more creditors than anybody in England.”

Growing up under strict religious doctrine, I’ve never experienced complications with gambling. Likewise, having endured years of physiological and psychological abuse from caregivers who abused alcohol and drugs, I have no significant connection to abuse of substances.

As well, though I enjoyed intercourse when I was sexually active, it never was something that had a grip on me. The same is true for most issues with which many people figuratively grapple. That is with one exception. My vice (a moral fault or failing) is food.

Within my blog, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have a lifelong pattern of unhealthy behavior regarding binge eating (consuming abnormally large quantities of food in a discrete time period with a concurrent sense of loss of control). Things get ugly really quickly!

Photo credit, fair use

Whereas the average person may eat a plate of food, as illustrated in the artificial intelligence image of tacos above, I’ll consume many times that amount in one sitting. Aside from my behavior representing ugliness, it’s quite unhealthy. There’s nothing temperate about it!

How does it happen? Gradually and then suddenly! What brings it on? A lack of commitment to REBT practice and a complete disregard of self-discipline. What prevents it? As Seneca suggested, slowing things down – if not outright stopping the driving force altogether.

My thoughts race. My beliefs form. Using an unproductive demandingness narrative, I convince myself, “I must eat all the tacos!” My behavior then fallows. Gradually, thoughts begin. Midway through the unhealthy process, beliefs are entertained. Then, behavior suddenly happens.

As Seneca suggested, “trouble spreads widely.” Only when I disrupt this unhelpful process do I establish self-control. Slowing down or altogether stopping the go-between driver regarding thoughts and action (i.e., beliefs) is what determines a healthy or unhealthy outcome. That’s it!

Of course, my explanation of how the process of gradually becomes suddenly sounds much simpler than it actually is to resolve. Nevertheless, this is the way some people go bankrupt, commit infidelity, gamble away their lifesavings, or succumb to intoxication.

While it would be nice to lie to oneself about a supposed “sense of loss of control,” I know better than to deny personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for my own actions. How about you? Do you take personal ownership for your role in failure?

Or do you entertain the possibility of magical thinking whereby plates of tacos supernaturally wield control over you? Thus, I encourage you to consider how your shortcomings in life may be occurring gradually and then suddenly. Then, actively intervene by slowing or stopping beliefs.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Temperance is the most important virtue. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/temperance-is-the-most-important-virtue/

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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