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Another of Life's Little Tragedies

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Jul 3
  • 4 min read

 

I have no misgiving about my professional decision to stop working with couples. After all, practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with individuals is much more in alignment with how my personal life is arranged.

 

All the same, the majority of my current caseload is involved in an intimate partner relationship of some sort (e.g., marriage). Therefore, I find utility in occasionally reviewing REBT literature regarding couples.

 

Though it was published in 1961, Creative Marriage offers some insights which I find interesting in this regard. For example, authors of the text share a professional anecdote used with one of their clients who reportedly disregard the use of humor in psychotherapy (page 200):

 

An unscheduled telephone call when we were in the midst of his fifth session helped to indicate to Mr. Williams the desirability of a lighter approach to life and to marriage. Mr. Williams could tell from my end of the conversation that the phone call brought very sad personal news. It was about something fully finished, however—some completely spilled milk. So I turned away from the phone and back to Mr. Williams with something of a shrug and a smile.

 

“Well,” I said, “we can chalk that up as another of life’s little tragedies. Now let’s get back to your problems.” As is often the case, where words had failed, example turned the tide. Mr. Williams seemed flabbergasted that a basically serious person like myself could deal so undisturbedly with a life situation about which he (Williams) would have moaned, groaned, and stewed. My talking about his needing to learn to deal less grimly with his marriage had meant little or nothing.

 

But my treating my own problems with casual rationality and good humor hit home. At that point, some of my verbal recommendations began to make sense to him and his communication with his wife began to improve steadily. In fact, Mr. Williams became something of a devoted student of the let’s-not-be-grimabout-our-problems school of marriage. He often liked to refer thereafter to a difficulty he and his wife were having as “another of life’s little tragedies.” And when he said that, he smiled.

 

There are many elements in Creative Marriage with which I disagree. Yet, use of humor and practice of unconditional life-acceptance (ULA) in the aforementioned anecdote don’t meet this category of personal and professional disagreement.

 

As we arguably have little control or influence regarding most “little tragedies” of life, I like that the authors utilized an example of ULA with “something of a shrug and a smile” when experiencing personal hardship. Besides, there will be many of life’s little tragedies to come.

 

How will you react when these undesirable occurrences manifest in your own intimate partner relationship, or elsewhere in life? Will you humorously practice ULA self-narratives, or will you instead upset yourself with unhelpful narratives? The choice is yours to make.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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References:

 

Ellis, A. and Harper, R. A. (1961). Creative Marriage. The Institute For Rational Living, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/creative-marriage-e184052310.html

Hollings, D. (2023, July 2). Can’t go out sad. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/can-t-go-out-sad

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2025, June 15). Griping, whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, whinging, venting, etc. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ griping-whining-bitching-moaning-complaining-whinging,-venting-etc

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Open, honest, and vulnerable communication. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/open-honest-and-vulnerable-communication

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 2). The choice is yours. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-choice-is-yours

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, May 12). Use of humor. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/use-of-humor

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