Can't Help but to Worry

[DISCLAIMER]

Recently, when listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Karry G, I heard the track “So Good” (2025) by Nosi. Lyrics include the following:

You keep on running around

With other the women in town

Every night (every night)

Every day (every day)

Can’t help but to worry (every time)

So worry

Don’t feel the same

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines worry as “a state of mental distress or agitation due to concern about an impending or anticipated event, threat, or danger.” Further contemplating the experience of worry, I think of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

Specifically, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Self-induced suffering is caused by rejection of UA, and generally manifests in one of two forms. Arguably, healthy distress (e.g., concern) and unhealthy disturbance (e.g., panic) results. Regarding the distinction between distress and disturbance, one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event, whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Since the APA classifies worry as “a state of mental distress” it remains the subject of debate as to whether or not this unpleasant experience is healthy or unhealthy—largely dependent upon the cognitive, emotive, and behavioral consequences of beliefs which are used to create worry.

Irrespective of how one considers the experience of worry, I argue that lyrics of “So Good” aren’t entirely accurate, as the vocalist inaccurately states “can’t help but to worry.” Worry is something that can be helped. In particular, one can practice UA to prevent or stop worry.

For example, I acknowledge my limited control and influence as a fallible human being (USA). When other flawed people who I can’t control and may not be able to influence behave displeasingly, I can simply remind myself of my limited ability to change others (UOA).

Additionally, I’m aware that life is imperfect, so unhelpfully worrying about matters which are beyond my ability to control or influence isn’t a productive use of my time (ULA). Of course, depending on how fervently I believe these UA self-narratives, I may still worry a bit.

After all, I’ve already admitted that I’m a fallible human being. People tend to worry. Therefore, if I unfavorably choose to create worry with my beliefs about a particular matter, then I’d rather it be healthy distress than unhealthy disturbance that I experience.

Ultimately, I can “help but to worry.” I can practice UA. Nevertheless, as highlighted herein, I may not practice this REBT technique perfectly. Thus, I’ll take distress versus disturbance, because that’s something I can change!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by StockCake, fair use

References:

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