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Freedom to Abstain

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Apr 18
  • 6 min read

 

From childhood and well in to my 30s, I engaged in fingernail biting behavior. Not only was the practice unsanitary, I was embarrassed from my beliefs about what others may’ve thought regarding my otherwise harmless indulgence.

 

In fact, I often hid my hands from the sight of others. Rather than challenging unhelpful beliefs regarding the opinions of other people, I experienced unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral outcomes which were caused by unproductive assumptions related to my actions.

 

Using the ABC model to illustrate this process of self-disturbance, consider that when a former girlfriend asked why I bit my nails and what I’d say to a client who exhibited the same behavior (Action), I didn’t thoughtfully contemplate a logical and reasonable answer to her questions.

 

Instead, I unfavorably Believed, “It’s terrible that I can’t free myself of this unhealthy behavior. If I can’t stop myself, how can I ever help other people with their issues?” Aside from my awfulizing belief, I used a distorted inference related to demandingness.

 

In essence, I Believed, “I shouldn’t be ineffective at stopping myself from nail biting, because I may then be ineffective at helping clients.” With my awfulizing and demandingness Beliefs, I then experienced Consequences related to fear and increased biting behavior for self-soothing.

 

Helpfully, I was well-versed in literature of the psychotherapeutic modality that I studied in graduate school for counseling. As such, I helpfully Disputed by unhelpful assumptions and achieved an Effective new belief. This modality is what I now practice with clients.

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

Stoic philosophy is embedded into REBT in the form of unconditional acceptance (UA). Using both the ABC model and UA, I eventually achieved the freedom to abstain from fingernail biting. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 22):

 

[H]armless indulgences can easily become full-blown addictions […] Soon enough, these harmless habits are running our lives. The little compulsions and drives we have not only chip away at our freedom and sovereignty, they cloud our clarity.

 

My former relatively harmless indulgence subjectively related to an addiction. Regarding my perspective on addictions, I stated in a blogpost entitled Smartphone and Social Media Addiction:

 

The American Psychological Association describes addiction thusly:

 

[A] state of psychological and/or physical dependence on the use of drugs or other substances, such as alcohol, or on activities or behaviors. The term is often used as an equivalent term for substance use disorder or substance dependence and can be applied to non-substance-related behavioral addictions, such as sex, exercise, and gambling.

 

When working with clients who report addictions (i.e., alcohol, porn, etc.), I assess the level of impairment and not merely the frequency or duration of use or abuse. For instance, client X may play videogames for eight hours per day, though he sustains gainful employment, attends to his familial responsibilities, and doesn’t struggle with activities of daily living (e.g., feeding).

 

Because client X doesn’t report significant impairment in either occupational or social spheres of his life, I wouldn’t consider his videogame-related behavior as an addiction. Other practitioners of mental health may disagree with my assessment.

 

Given this clarity, my fingernail biting behavior didn’t serve as legal or occupational impairment, though I did impair myself with unproductive beliefs about nail biting to where I hid my hands in public settings. Admittedly, I was only mildly impaired by this addiction.

 

Regarding one’s perceived (or actual) impairment across occupational, social, and legal spheres of life, authors of The Daily Stoic state, “As one addict put it, addiction is when we’ve ‘lost the freedom to abstain.’ Let us reclaim that freedom” (page 22).

 

I conceptualize this approach to rational living as one of empowerment. As such, I concur with the authors who use a recommendatory must statement when claiming that “you must reclaim the ability to abstain because within it is your clarity and self-control” (page 22).

 

How about you? What do you think or believe about freedom to abstain from unhelpful behaviors, even when your actions don’t objectively qualify for an addiction? If you’d like to know more about a Stoic approach to living, I’m here to try to help.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2023, November 15). Addiction. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/addiction

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, October 29). Cognitive continuum. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-continuum

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, March 28). Distorted inferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distorted-inferences

Hollings, D. (2024, December 30). Empowerment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empowerment

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Nonadaptive behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonadaptive-behavior

Hollings, D. (2024, November 18). Opinions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/opinions

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2024, March 24). Smartphone and social media addiction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/smartphone-and-social-media-addiction

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

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