Are You Working Against Your Interests and Goals?

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Seneca who stated, “Circumstances are what deceive us—you must be discerning in them. We embrace evil before good. We desire the opposite of what we once desired. Our prayers are at war with our prayers, our plans with our plans” (page 111).

The Stoic philosopher made an astute observation regarding the willing sacrifice of one’s own moral and ethical position pertaining to subjective values and principles. Perhaps you’ve endured the unpleasant experience of being at odds with yourself in such a manner. I have.

Before I submit an anecdotal example of my own experience, it may be worth noting that when providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT I invite people to consider their personal interests (desires) and goals (ends to which effort is applied). These are guiding elements of one’s care.

With this understanding, I offer that in a blogpost entitled Self-Control Becomes the Real Pleasure I stated, “I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’ve had lifelong difficulty with eating disorders.” Since childhood, I’ve exhibited symptoms of bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa.

As well, at around the age of 30, I noticed that my body wasn’t shedding weight as quickly as it had after periods of binge-eating. On one hand, I had an interest to maintain a relatively low weight. My goal in this regard was to continue caloric restriction to offset binging.

On the other hand, the older I became, significantly more effort was required to rigidly and rigorously achieve my objective. Essentially, without abandoning the unhealthy behavior of binging and starving, I was working against my own interests and goals (i.e., self-sabotaging).

Just one year shy of 50-years-old, I can now attest to the fact that the phenomenon I observed at 30 has only become more pronounced. So, too, is the experience of other people. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 111):

A woman says she wants to meet a nice guy and get married—yet she spends all her time around jerks. A man says that he wishes he could find a great job, but he hasn’t actually bothered to do the looking.

Business executives try to pursue two different strategies at the same time—straddling it’s called—and they are shocked when they succeed at neither. All of these people, just as is often true for us too, are deceived and divided.

Having provided a personal anecdote, allow me to now submit a professional story for your consideration. Many years ago, when undergoing training for counseling during an internship placement with the nation’s largest care-provider for veterans, I met person X.

This individual’s job was to maintain a close relationship with veterans who experienced homelessness. Yet, after shadowing person X for a relatively brief period of time, it was apparent to me that this individual seemed disinterested in achieving organizational goals.

Person X ostensibly worked against one’s own interests and goals, the interests and goals of other veterans, and the interests and goals of the care-provider organization. Being a curious intern, I engaged person X in a conversation regarding her behavior.

Turned out that person X was forthright about her motivations. “I’m just here for a paycheck,” this individual told me. However, as members of management were aware of person X’s inaction toward veteran and organizational aims, this individual was in jeopardy of being fired.

No one was well-served in that situation. Of course, I walked away with an invaluable lesson in Stoicism – one addressed by Seneca, even though I didn’t appeal to notions of “evil,” “good,” or “prayers.” Concerning the understanding I gathered, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 111):

One hand is working against the other. As Martin Luther King Jr. once put it, “There is something of a civil war going on within all of our lives,” a war inside each individual between the good parts of their soul and the bad.”

Again, without appealing to notions such as a “soul,” I can comprehend the divisive strategy of working against (self-sabotaging one’s own) interests and goals. Can you appreciate this lesson? Concluding their examination of this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 111):

The Stoics say that that war is usually a result of our conflicting desires, our screwed-up judgments or biased thoughts. We don’t stop and ask: OK, what do I really want? What am I actually after here?

If we did, we’d notice the contradictory and inconsistent wishes that we have. And then we’d stop working against ourselves.

I’ve chosen to title the current post Are You Working Against Your Interests and Goals, rather than borrowing verbiage of the authors (i.e., “working against ourselves”), because I maintain that people aren’t their interests and goals. In other words, I’m not a desire for physical fitness.

Rather, I’m a fallible human being who has a desire for physical fitness. In any regard, I now invite you to contemplate: Are you working against your interests and goals? If so, and if you’d like to know more about how to stop doing so, then I welcome you to contact me.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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