Self-Control Becomes the Real Pleasure

[DISCLAIMER]

Within my blog, I strive to present an authentic representation of myself. This often includes sharing information that I suspect my clients may be surprised to learn. For instance, I’ve written about symptoms of undiagnosed eating disorders for which I may qualify.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), an eating disorder is defined thus:

[A]ny disorder characterized primarily by a pathological disturbance of attitudes and behaviors related to food, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder. Other eating-related disorders include pica and rumination, which are usually diagnosed in infancy or early childhood.

As an example, in a blogpost entitled We’ll Start From That Premise I stated about an individual in my personal life, “Suspecting that she exhibits symptoms of anorexia which I also maintained when transitioning from fifth to sixth grade in childhood, I expressed concern for person X.”

Similarly, in a post entitled Stick to the Plan I expressed that “when tempted to binge on artificial sweets I can resist unhelpful cravings by keeping myself occupied with healthier pursuits.” I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’ve had lifelong difficulty with eating disorders.

Moreover, from an emic perspective, I know the challenges of self-control. Regarding this topic, the APA defines self-control thusly:

[T]he ability to be in command of one’s behavior (overt, covert, emotional, or physical) and to restrain or inhibit one’s impulses. In circumstances in which short-term gain is pitted against long-term greater gain, self-control is the ability to opt for the long-term outcome. Choice of the short-term outcome is called impulsiveness.

One of the thought-provoking aspects about self-control and eating disorders is that the APA regards this matter as an “ability” issue, not a matter of sheer will. Colloquially, ability is defined as the quality or state of being able, and the physical, mental, or legal power to do something.

In common parlance, will is defined as a term used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent, or in negative constructions refusal, and is used to express frequent, customary, or habitual action or natural tendency or disposition.

For example, I have no ability to hold my breath under water for two hours. Even if I had the will to do so, I’m unable. Alternatively, if I desire to refrain from anorexic or binging behavior, then I have the power to control what does and doesn’t enter into my mouth.

As a fallible human being, I don’t always behave perfectly in this regard. When further contemplating this matter, I consider the psychotherapeutic modality I practice and a helpful book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Authors of The Daily Stoic begin an exploration into the matter of self-control by quoting ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated (page 59):

Whenever you get an impression of some pleasure, as with any impression, guard yourself from being carried away by it, let it await your action, give yourself a pause.

After that, bring to mind both times, first when you have enjoyed the pleasure and later when you will regret it and hate yourself. Then compare to those the joy and satisfaction you’d feel for abstaining altogether.

However, if a seemingly appropriate time arises to act on it, don’t be overcome by its comfort, pleasantness, and allure—but against all of this, how much better the consciousness of conquering it.

Those who are familiar with eating disorders, as is arguably the case for other forms of addiction, likely understand that impulsivity is the moment in which both logic and reason cut out. Sitting and weighing the pros and cons does little for many individuals in the way of deterrence.

Likewise, self-control in regard to addiction behavior isn’t always about the matter of joy, pleasure, satisfaction, satiation, or otherwise. As an example, an eating-disordered person’s actions may relate to relieving unpleasant psychological or physiological pressure.

Therefore, while I appreciate the Epictetian perspective on a rational approach (that which remains in accordance with both logic and reason), I question the validity and reliability of this method. Regarding a Stoic approach to this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 59):

Self-control is a difficult thing, no question. Which is why a popular trick from dieting might be helpful. Some diets allow a “cheat day”—one day per week in which dieters can eat anything and everything they want.

Indeed, they’re encouraged to write a list during the week of all the foods they craved so they can enjoy them all at once as a treat (the thinking being that if you’re eating healthy six out of seven days, you’re still ahead).

Some of the “cheat day” meals I used to consume when I was engaged with nonsurgical body sculpting through physical training may baffle the average reader. Although I looked healthy on the exterior, the massive amount of calories I consumed wasn’t healthy on the interior.

Of course, I’m not unhelpfully demanding that people shouldn’t, mustn’t, or oughtn’t to use this form of dieting or nutritional behavior. I’m merely stating that it wasn’t healthy for me. About this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 59):

At first, this sounds like a dream, but anyone who has actually done this knows the truth: each cheat day you eat yourself sick and hate yourself afterward. Soon enough, you’re willingly abstaining from cheating at all.

Because you don’t need it, and you definitely don’t want it. It’s not unlike a parent catching her child with cigarettes and forcing him to smoke the whole pack.

I don’t know what type of individual is referenced by the authors, because I wasn’t “willingly abstaining” from cheat days when employing a cheat strategy. Rather, I used anorexic behavior in between episodes of binging. I went hard! Still, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 59):

It’s important to connect the so-called temptation with its actual effects. Once you understand that indulging might actually be worse than resisting, the urge begins to lose its appeal. In this way, self-control becomes the real pleasure, and the temptation becomes the regret.

I’ve yet to achieve the Stoic “self-control becomes the real pleasure” aspect of mental, emotional, and behavioral health. For instance, regarding my shortcomings, I expressed in a blogpost entitled Rigid Stimulus Control:

Expanding upon this concept, consider what one REBT source states:

For clients working on changing a behavior, we advocate stimulus control at the beginning of such change.

Examples include having clients who have problems with alcohol get rid of all of the alcohol in their home and avoid going to bars or having clients with eating disorders throw away certain foods that are likely to trigger a binge.

There’s nothing inherently bad or wrong about use of stimulus control. Admittedly, I utilize this technique in my personal life.

Until “self-control becomes the real pleasure” for me, I’ll unconditionally accept myself with all my flaws, use stimulus control, and continue pursuit of Stoic principles. What’s the alternative strategy, to eat a large pizza with breadsticks and four pints of ice cream in one sitting? No.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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